Latest Posts by littlecigs - Page 9

Café de flore

"it's okay, i can peel back the layers of you until i find the soft and gentle core of you you've had to work so hard to hide"? no. no, it's okay, i know you're hollow; i'm here anyway. you don't have to pretend it isn't masks the whole way down. whatever face you want to wear, i still love you. i don't need you to be good or unflinching or the antonym of violence. if i did, i wouldn't be here. i wouldn't ask that of you.

My troubled dreams

Yeah maybe I am a little desperate but I'm making up for all the affection I never got growing up 🙃

"Mental health matters!" But the second I show a symptoms I'm a terrible person.

I could fix him. I could make him worse. Good for you. I could gently take the weapon out of his shaking, blood-soaked hand and hold him until he finally believes that he doesn't have to be defined by all the ways the world has hurt him. Then we could ruin the lives of everyone who has ever treated him like he's a monster who doesn't deserve love.

wow I should really go 2 bed omg

Literally so impossible to find a real life person nearby that actually wants me and wants to be loyal to me and has stuff in common with me?? Like yeah I'm borderline and frankly kinda dumb and really bad at socializing but fr man I just wanna be someone's lil princess baby girl ok??? Why would the world give me mental illness AND a tight pussy and NOT someone to take care of me????

Someone who’ll talk you through it 🥲

I have GOT to get more NORMAL

Realizing now I am covered in red flags. Like I knew I was bad but yeesh this is kindaaaaa this is kinda a problem huh

Had a really good day at work. Coworkers complimented me a lot! I feel good about myself :)

I'll stop complaining. Who cares right?

i am just very uncomfortable with the way i am perceived like there’s a disconnect between my actual identity and the identity ppl assume i have and it makes me uncomfortable and stressed out

I feel like I have no valid reason to complain about the direction my life is going in. I mean it's my fault right? Like in the end it's not really the mental illness that made me stop going to college and move away from my family. Like in the end those were decisions I made right? It doesn't matter that I was depressed and it doesn't matter that I've got impulse issues. In the end it was me who chose this.

I finally re-dyed my hair today :)

If you’ve had a period of basically dissociating from a hard time of your life, you’ll know that doing even the littlest thing that has an effect in the real world vs on a screen can be so profound. Something as little as you doing a favor for someone, or someone noticing something about you that you didn’t think anyone would even pick up on bc your brain is all messed up about being perceived. Your living footprint is all muddied and murky. It takes a lot to even feel like you’re inhibiting your body. So consequences that come as a direct result of you just living, whether big or small, blow you away on an inexplicable level

I hate that I can't talk about my issues more eloquently.

I've been alone for so much of my life. Like stuck in my bedroom starving deeply alone. All I do is panic and dissociate and distance myself from people. Because I don't know how to talk to people, and I don't think people actually want to be around me. I must be intimidating, or ugly, or something.

I just want attention. I dunno.

Is that so wrong?

There are lots of big cute scary boys on tumblr dot com but I'm soooo shy 🥺👉👈

I have an unhealthy need for a masked man w big arms to put me in a chokehold...

Am I drunk? Maybe

Am I needy? Absolutely

Sorry I'm a freak. This is the tip of the iceberg babes I'm way worse ❤️

Work was slow today. Got myself to eat half a burger for dinner, but I didn't eat breakfast so I guess it's not really that much of an achievement