Realizing Now I Am Covered In Red Flags. Like I Knew I Was Bad But Yeesh This Is Kindaaaaa This Is Kinda

If you’ve had a period of basically dissociating from a hard time of your life, you’ll know that doing even the littlest thing that has an effect in the real world vs on a screen can be so profound. Something as little as you doing a favor for someone, or someone noticing something about you that you didn’t think anyone would even pick up on bc your brain is all messed up about being perceived. Your living footprint is all muddied and murky. It takes a lot to even feel like you’re inhibiting your body. So consequences that come as a direct result of you just living, whether big or small, blow you away on an inexplicable level

i feel like i do 25% of what an average person does in a day and still it's too much

perpetual fuck up

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parent-child dynamics are soooo crazy. i love you i resent you i can't stand you i adore you i pity you. and still watching your hair get a little more grey every time i see you makes my stomach feel weird

when you’ve been sad for so long you don’t know how to get better because you don’t know what it feels like to be okay

why am i always the person who needs to apologize. no one considers my emotions, it doesn’t matter what someone has done to me. once i make them upset, then i’m in the wrong and i’m a terrible person.