Littlecigs - Out Of Body

Realizing now I am covered in red flags. Like I knew I was bad but yeesh this is kindaaaaa this is kinda a problem huh

I literally have no idea who I am outside of my illnesses and the personality traits I've picked up from other people and I hate it

breathless

getting that feeling

where all you can do is hold your breath

and think

and feel

and it’s horrible because you forget

you always forget

and you can only remember

once you feel the burn in your lungs

in your throat

and you release a breath

far larger than any you’d released that day

and it scares you

and it happens again

I hate that I can't talk about my issues more eloquently.

I've been alone for so much of my life. Like stuck in my bedroom starving deeply alone. All I do is panic and dissociate and distance myself from people. Because I don't know how to talk to people, and I don't think people actually want to be around me. I must be intimidating, or ugly, or something.

I just want attention. I dunno.

Is that so wrong?