goddessmba

Latest Posts by goddessmba

Psychology Daily - Quote

When he always believes you’re his queen...

The Love we all seek…

“Remember you’re a goddess. A goddess doesn’t beg for love, she bestows it; and to only those who ask for it.”

— itsczarine7 (via wnq-writers)

November 30

Today I feel volatile. The day started out great, most of the day was great, and it just ended on such a sour note.

One of the dogs peed on the hardwood, and it got on the new rug. And I just got home from Amy’s and I’m tired and a little irritable as it is, and seeing that spot and knowing that the rug peeing will likely commence just made me so angry. I feel like I can never get ahead with these dogs, that they do nothing but add money and responsibility and burden. Just really frustrated.

Today was a good day, I had a quick call with David, which was really nice. He’s more real now, and more importantly I’m more real to him. I liked him, I liked his voice and his ability to laugh at himself. He was nice.

The bunny is coming over tomorrow... For a service visit. And I’m just not super enthused about it, I think because of David. I want an emotional connection, and I know I won’t have one with the bunny, so I wonder if a part of my brain/focus just turned off. Or was turned down. I haven’t made any lists or shared notes for him yet. And the idea of spending extended periods of time with him is still nice, I still think he’s super cute and super sweet, but it doesn’t charge me like it did before.

I’m less angry about the dogs. Still frustrated, I don’t know how to get them to fucking stop destroying the house, but less actively angry. Again, I’m already tired and I left Amy’s house feeling a little combative.

November 29

Today I feel really satisfied. It’s been productive... I put up most of my outdoor Christmas lights (though I want to put lights up around the windows, and there’s a small spot on the roof that needs new lights, and I want to put garland around the light pole), I chose a date to take the PMP exam, I registered for a prep course, I got the student loan deferment forms printed and will be filling them out and mailing them tomorrow (Amy printed them for me- they’re at her house right now), I filled out the information I needed to for individual health insurance for next year, I scheduled a STI screening for Monday (sorry Devin, just don’t trust you buddy), I set a mouse trap, I washed a bunch of dishes, I’m just getting things done. For some reason the barrier I feel when trying to get things done is smaller today, so I’m able to hop over it. I think it started with the Christmas decorations... Or maybe it was as I was lying in bed, I asked myself “if I didn’t have to apply for jobs today, what would I want to do?”

I met with my therapist on Wednesday, and she told me to just go with this feeling... That eventually, I WILL want to find a job but for now I just need to enjoy life a little. And I told her that I wasn’t enjoying it, because there’s always this little voice in the back of my head whispering “you should be applying for jobs, you’re running out of money, there are all these things you need to get done and you can’t do fun things until you’ve gotten them done” so I’m just not leaning into the fun things like I could be. So I’m not applying for jobs, but I’m not getting anything else done because I feel like I CAN’T get them done until after I’ve applied for some jobs, which means I’m really not doing much of anything. So Wednesday was a fantastic session. It even got me to journal in here. 😊

I’ve been thinking about Devin a lot today... Must be a good day to process. I haven’t cried about him in weeks, and I didn’t cry today, but I’ve just been thinking a lot. Remembering the bullshit he said/did that I forgave him for, and my negative voice has been whispering, trying to make me feel bad, and it’s tough to not listen to him. Because really, I worked hard in that relationship. I found a boy, I loved him, and I worked hard to be true to that love, even though he wasn’t where I was. I loved him, I LOVED him in a way I was really proud to love him, and it’s not that I chose badly, because I truly believe that there’s this person he could be who is the perfect person for me. But he wasn’t ready to reach for that person, and that’s okay. Because MAN, can I love. ❤️

But I’m not getting my hopes up!  No hopes here!  Don’t want to be too disappointed by rejection!  Haha!

Love me as I am… Love me

“She doesn’t want to hear that she is flawless. She wants to hear that she is loved regardless of her flaws.”

—

“You can’t choose your feelings. You can only choose between feeling them or going crazy.”

—

Psychology Daily - Quote

*snort*

Psychology Daily - Quote

Words to remember and live by, ladies and gents.

“Don’t worry if someone doesn’t like you. The truth is that most people are struggling to simply like themselves. Be true to yourself and you will find your tribe.”

—

“If you are not willing to look stupid, nothing great will ever happen to you.”

—

“A year ago, I would never have pictured the way my life is now.”

—

The version of you right now is deserving of love. Not you two years ago when you had more of your shit together, or the five years later version where you’ll surely be thriving. The version of you right now. The one that might just be okay, or is really struggling, or is bored and unproductive. That version deserves love. Having trouble accepting this is fine, but actively denying it is not. Your value is intrinsic, and finding confidence in that is mandatory.

“I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”

—

“Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.”

—

Psychology Daily - Quotes