Dark Thoughts - Blog Posts

Hell fucking yeah!

Now THIS is something I'm annoyed about when it comes to other members of the fandom when dealing with Narinder after the "Spare" option. Yes, Narinder would be very angry with Lamb and probably try to kill them at some point, but never does anyone show Narinder losing all sense of hope and drive for existing and choosing to just, end it all himself.

The guy was jealous of his siblings and later betrayed by them, bound and sealed in his own domain for 1,000 years after having his arms damaged in their battle. He's forced to wait alone with two kits and no one to really converse with on their own level for all that time, only to be given a new beacon of Hope for his dream in the form of the lamb.

Desperate, he offers his powers and strength to his chosen, open to be freed from his binds and once his dream is within his grasp once more, he's betrayed by the very person whom he gave his power too, having the rest of his power taken, his kids killed in front of him, and he's forced into a mortal form where he has to watch someone else who betrayed him, live out his dream, in front of him for all eternity.

This should fundamentally break him and since Death would be a release, if Narinder couldn't win his power back, get away from the Lamb, taking his own life would become his only option. A guy like him would rather not exist, than endure the hell of watching the person who stole his children, his powers and his dream, live the life he wanted to achieve. I Wish more Artists touched upon this more.

Suffocation || #2-1

.... Well... Off to a fantastic start aren't we? prev / first / next

Fun facts about Fran Bow #2

(It's also about Little Misfortune)

Both Fran's and Misfortune's fate was decided before they were even born.

#girl

Dear universe

At 13 I thought that the universe hates me. For it made me tainted and it made me unlovable. Perhaps it was true; or perhaps I was just 13. Now I finally see that there are things that actually love me.

The darkness holds me still and grief kisses my hand. The demons in my head tell me it'll be fine. And hunger kind of always stays along with this unbearable ache. Longing lingers like a lonely child and sinister thoughts eat me up inside. Years of misery and wishing to be dead. Screams of terror and weeps of fate. But dear universe I wont complain. For dear universe I still am loved.

Tw: self harm, self loathing

A girl lies on her bedroom floor.

She bleeds through her eyes and cries through her veins.

I watch her helplessly and let her fall apart.

Everyday she fights long lost battles and dies gruesome deaths.

Her life is nothing but a grave full of dead hopes.

I watch her and do nothing.

Perhaps because there isn't much left of her to be saved.

She is covered in bruises I don't recognize her anymore.

I watch her with curiosity.

Her eyes dark and cold like the night itself, she reeks of misery.

A home full of ghosts, none of them remotedly as dead as her soul.

I watch her mercilessly.

After all that's what monsters like her deserve.

I say, and I stop watching her.

No part of her deserves to be loved.

I say, and I step away from the mirror.

Tw: eating disorders and self harm

The monsters in my head. They won't leave.

An empty stomach. A grave where I live.

Scars on my thighs. A strange relief.

A disconsolate existence. A sigh of grief

My shattered childhood. It haunts me still

Whimpers of pain. A broken will.

Venomous family. Full of greed.

Begged you to stop it. It never did.

What is family if not hate disguised as love

Tw: self harm, ed

Alternate universe

In an alternate universe,

I am 14 and alone in my room,

And my hands haven't harmed myself yet.

In an alternate universe,

My mom isn't emotionally dead,

And my dad isn't the monster yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still have her by my side,

I haven't screwed everything yet.

In an alternate universe,

I don't flinch when I look in the mirror,

There are no scars on my thighs yet.

In an alternate universe,

I still eat like a normal person,

I haven't ruined myself yet.

If someone tells you they are depressed and not doing well. Please listen to them it is not your place to judge and tell them they are faking it for attention.

How beautiful my girl is tied,bound and absolutely used how I desire and know she craves it

In the backdrop of dark inner thoughts, wounded with slivers of hope, I take solace in your aura.

The beating of your heart, drowning out the inner doubt that screams inside me, if they get through I push against your chest harder, for tonight I cling to you.

I don't come to you for redemption. I don't grip you tight out of desire to hold you down.

In this world of darkness and cold, I come to you because it feels right in my soul.

I yearn to take you to the beach, where you can be truly free, let you be lost in the ryrhmic sounds of the water lapping onto the smooth sand.

The wind lifting up the scents of salt and seaweed, fine particles of dry sand cling faintly on your skin.

To let you rest under the sun.

To see you swim in the water.

To watch you fall asleep with book on the shore.

To have night, overtake the day, to need to layer up on clothes, to watch the beautiful moonlight, caress the surface of the waves.

To have a small fire near by, it's tendrils of smoke weaving into the darkness.

To cling to you, to bury myself deep inside you, to make love to you, under the stars, our sounds going unheard, except to Mother nature, to get lost into each other in the moment.

“I find the sea to be both a natural expression of our human world, and a healing balm for it.” By pastel artist Jeanne Rosier Smith.

The deep painful introspective looks in the mirror at myself, have the same weight as someone's judgmental take on me, as they pass by with their first impressions as they judge either how I look, or how they chose to see me.

Either way it's as soothing to my soul as standing in one spot, barefoot on hot blacktop as the sun beats down upon it.

Maybe I never get to put away the knife, or better yet forget where I laid it. I'd settle for wiping it off on my sleeve and putting it in its sheath.

The untrusting darkness in me, combined with the auras that decide to pass by instead create the need to clench it so hard in my hand my knuckles turn white.

Fractured thoughts converge, tinting my field of vision around me.

It's not fear, but weariness.

I rather would choose the darkness or at least the shadows than to be laid bare in the unforgiving sun.

To bathe in the moonlight is to heal, to weather my skin to handle the torment of my waiting demons.

I see the silence in their touch, I hear the cold embrace against my skin.

At least their companionship is steady, the cuts, bruises, the crimson trail of thoughts they plant is expected.

I don't embrace them, but I've learned to depend on them for at least a normalicy in my life.

Without my anxiety, my demons that remind me in my sleep not to ware dream of a fairy tale life, I'd be tempted to trust those around me.

Instead I live looking for patterns... What do they want?what do they seek from me? What can I do for them?

Once they take a look at my face, or my intense soul the majority show themselves as weak, selective, callus in how they change, turn, ignore, block, or disappear.

Trust....

What the fuck is that anyway?

Unconditional acceptance... Yeah ok.. Now that's a beautiful fantasy.

I would rather be labeled too intense, or untrusting, I would rather always hold my knife and count on one hand those that may actually give a fuck about me, then to live like the lemmings that think popularity in numbers is love, or that kind words aren't laced with dark intentions.

Love....

Love isn't just holding hands, soft caresses or love letters.

Sometimes you have to cut, bruise the ones you love to see their self worth.

Love is painful.

Love can hurt, if it doesn't maybe you don't really love.

A constant ache, a thought that slides through all other thoughts.

Love can be irrational, love can be dark, love can taste like tears.

I love you my moon.

Solar eclipse by Gallery 360

What if after is just more suffering ?

Maybe I want to end it here

there was a room in my house

which was as secured as

the main door

i wasn't allowed to go

neither i had keys.

but every time i passby that room

it called me inside, cried for help

i was just 7

each night i went there

sat infront of the door

i talked with it, we talked for hours

it was 3 AM now.

i want to bed.

when i woke up, i was 14

i remember nothing

except for talking with that room

it was a normal day

but house was different and

noone was concerned

then i remembered

i opened that door next day after i woke up

~august/fictionflaws

when i turn off the lights

I'll not run but stand there

so the ghosts can take me

and wipe away my tear

oh how i dare to be that

i should be scared instead

but that's not me

and i will rather choose be dead

when the ghost comes near

i will ask it something

are you real.?

or are you too pretending.?

"i am too heartless", I'll say

but with skin and bones

and you're void darkness

like everyone knows

yet i could feel you shivering

just as frightened as me

you and i are no different

we are tied, even when we're free

~august/fictionflaws

three years ago i was just about to talk to my 'ex' for the very first time

two years ago i was getting yelled at by my 'ex in the middle of the night bc i was working and it apparently was too late for them and it made them mad

one year ago i was slowly healing from this massive destruction i went through

tonight my intrusive thoughts made me go through all of this and i felt the abuse again as if it was still there

i'm just getting used to live on my own, i'm completely alone, facing intrusive thoughts, surrounded by people that know absolutely nothing about this all, it just feels so... it feels like i keep falling apart even more than a year after putting an end to this and it's so hard i want to give up

bear with me

i was left in this dark place

alone and scared, crying, looking for a way out, for some light somewhere

but the only light i can find is showing me the faces of the monsters that put me here, tortured me

abused me

they live within me

i’m left here again, in the dark

i tried to run away but they always come back

they always find their way back to me, i can feel them getting closer to get me

i should be running away, find an escape

an escape?

but it’s all in my head

no, no.. it can’t be

they destroyed everything here and left their demons

they won’t leave me

it’s dark, i can’t get out

an escape?

there’s no escape

please, bear with me

or else i might find my way out, out of my head

and it’ll be too late

but you’ll be safe

the demons’ll be dead

i’ll keep you safe

my english teacher just came up to my desk during the break to read the text i had written down and it starts with 'when my time comes..' and he just looked at me like 'wtf are you ok??'

i'm sorry sir i didn't mean to make you worried

i had a nightmare (i mean i think i was daydreaming or phasing out or idk) so i was on my way to the art class but as i reached it i saw him, he was waiting for me i immediately started running in the hallway and the staircase because i knew he had seen me and he was after me i reached the office and yelled 'let me hide here, please! i'll explain everything to you afterwards but please help me!' and the woman knew me so she allowed me to stay and showed me a seat behind a wall where he wouldn't be able to see me a few seconds later he came in and asked her about me, pretending to be worried she pretended to use the computer to know where i was supposed to be and then told him that she didn't know he eventually left and i told the woman everything i was crying and i couldn't take it anymore i left the building and once i was on the parking lot i decided to run again, to get hit by a car on the road the same end as all the other nightmares where he finds me again so when he finds me for real, i already have my way out.

society abandoned me. People don't even know I exist. People literally ignore me when I talk to them. Quite literally pretending I'm not there. It's literal torture. I'm seriously considering forcefully kicking the bucket early because of it.