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Will: Octopi could hug four people simultaneously, because Raziel bless them with the ability to do so. However, they don’t hug even one person because they made a covenant with the devil. Any questions?
Matthew, raising his hand: Where’s Lucie? I just wanted to visit her-
Will: In a better place, now sit down immediately.
James: *aggressively banging his stele against the desk*
Cordelia: Don’t be mean to the poor thing! How would you like it if I banged you against the desk?
James:
Cordelia:
James: I don’t know the right answer to that question.
Alastair: When I die, you’re going to piss on my grave, aren’t you?
Matthew: Oh yes, most definitely
Alastair: Cool, just checking
James: Please tell me I’m imagining that I got drunk and claimed I was the King of All Ducks.
Matthew: I would, but then I’d be lying to the King of All Ducks.
James: Did you miss me?
Matthew: I always miss you. 24/6.
James: Why not 24/7?
Matthew: I worship Oscar Wilde on Sundays.
James: Hey, uh, so I’ve been reviewing this itinerary and I don’t really get it.
James: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kind of messy?
Matthew: That’s why we feed them glitter, Jamie.
Christopher: I can’t believe that Britain is 1903 years old!
Matthew: You idiot, that’s how old Earth is
James: No way! :O
Matthew: I can’t believe you two didn’t know that!
Thomas, about to cry: They’re so fucking stupid
Christopher: I almost got surprise adopted yesterday
Thomas: What?
Matthew: He almost got kidnapped
Thomas: Oh, okay
Thomas: WAIT WHAT
Belial: I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!
Thomas:
Matthew:
James:
Christopher, disturbed: … you eat pieces of shit?
Airport security: No liquids allowed
Matthew: oh, ok
Matthew: *starts gulping it down*
James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-
Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*
Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…
[TLH Group Chat]
Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!
Lucie: *******
Lucie: See?
Cordelia: That’s so cool!
Cordelia: *****
Matthew: heronchild4ever69
Matthew:
[Matthew has left the chat]
James: Aww, you’re so romantic, lighting candles for me
Grace, drawing a pentagram: I’m about to sacrifice you, if you haven’t noticed yet.
Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!
James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.
Will: You need a hobby
James: I do have a hobby!
Will: Well, being angsty and sad isn’t a hobby!
Matthew from distance: It isn’t?!
Matthew: WELCOME TO FUCKING APPLEBEE’S, DO YOU WANT APPLES OR BEES?
Alastair: … Bees?
Matthew: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!
Alastair: Wait...
James, approaches them as he shakes a jar of bees: 😊
Alastair: wAit-
Anna: Yo, is that guy sleeping or dead?
Matthew: Hopefully dead, I hated that guy.
James: Yeah, so did I.
Alastair, laying on the floor: First of all, fuck you all-
Will: I found James. He was sleeping while training again.
James: I wasn’t sleeping, someone drugged me!
Will, turning around to Tessa: Cancel that, he was doing drugs.
Matthew: You should take off your glasses more often
James: *stops*
James: *looks around*
Matthew: What is it? Did you lose anything?
James: It looks like I lost all my fucks and I have none to give
James: I’m not scared of you! None of us are!
Christopher: I kind of am
James: Christopher, shut up!
James: A-C-D-F-B-G-
Lucie: What are you saying?
James: I’m singing the alphabet
Lucie: That’s not the alphabet-
Matthew from upstairs: YASSS GIRL REMIX
Cordelia: He is probably thinking about other girls…
Lucie: You never know what’s going through a guys mind.
[Meanwhile]
James: If you sat on a voodoo doll of yourself would you ever be able to stand up?
Matthew: Holy shit, bro
Will: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Will: *aggressively throws water bottles*
James: …
Matthew: Uh…
Lucie: He’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Matthew, crying: It’s working
Lucie: James, right hand red
James: [ends up on top of Cordelia]
James: Okay, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?
Lucie: I stopped spinning like 15 turns ago. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner.
Matthew: *looks over at James* Poke
James: *without looking up from his book* Poke
Matthew: Poke *pokes James on his cheek*
James: Poke *pokes Matthew on the arm*
Matthew: Poke!
James: Poke!
Matthew: POKE
James: POKE
*a poke war ensues that somehow ends up on the floor with Christopher on top thinking it was a hug party*
Thomas:
Thomas: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???