I Feel This Way A Lot, Especially As Someone Who Never Thought I Was Gonna Live To Be 18. But It’s

I got kinda bored while waiting for my meeting time, so enjoy the avatar I made of myself. depending on how much I like it, I might make it my profile!

1/27 work out

I decided to record my workouts from PE today and these were the stats

Badminton: open goal

total time: 1 hour and 17 min

Active cal: 374cal

total cal: 447cal

Average hr: 146BPM range: 95-187bpm

I walked a total of 3,612 steps and closed two of rings. my goal was to burn 300 cals and went a total go 142 over that. And I try to work out for 30 minutes each day.

I feel like I did pretty great today, I feel well accomplished in my workout today. I do badminton for my college PE credit and Im honestly debating on joining the schools team, my coach seems to think I would do pretty well on it.

today we worked on improving our aim as well as our swing range and boy was it a lot of squatting, my thighs feel like their going to melt off- but in a good way-. i'm getting pretty close to having a healthy thigh gap. like Im getting to my goal weight by working out and turning the fat into muscle instead of starving myself to get there, and i'm proud of myself for it.

Late night walks hit different when u feel empty and suicidal

Welp

After the worst fucking day, I just threw 2 weeks down the drain. I was doing so well, and I went and messed it up. i was clean for two weeks then I went and played fruit ninja on my arms. FUCK. I am quite literally a fuck up

I just can’t do anything right anymore. So here is my current mood. Idk what I’m doing anymore, should prolly just die lol. That sounds like a better idea than anything. My bf could do way better, and be way happier with someone who isn’t a fuck up. With someone that he doesn’t have to worry about hurting themselves. Mom and dad don’t care, they’re too busy arguing to be bothered by me. That deserve a happy, non-messed up child.

so if anyone is wondering, I have playlist for when I fuck up. Idk if anyone else does this lol, but here what I got. Damn this post is a mess lol

I’ve decided to start going on my walks after classes again and omg does it feel good. I did have to take a bit of a break to go charge my phone since it was at 8 percent lol

after walk snack-

made good granola bar 100cal

mamma chia 70 cal

Honestly how I feel lol

anyone want me I'm unattractive and annoying

sorry for showing symptoms of the disorder i told you multiple times I have. Do you want me to kill myself?

Things I'm good at :

• ??????????

• ???????

•????

• ???????

• feeling like a burden and bed rotting

I thought I’d be dead by now