I Thought I’d Be Dead By Now

Hi everybody!!! I just really needed to say this please be careful who you talk to on here there's many Groomers/ pedophiles in the ed community especially for us minors here's some things you can do to protect yourself

1. Don't send pictures of yourself to people you absolutely don't know

2. These groomers/pedophiles will disguise themselves as Ed accounts so beware of random accounts texting you

3. If there's anyone who you are associating yourself with starts to make you feel uncomfortable BLOCK THEM!!! I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH

4. These "people" will ask you for personal information private photos etc. And pretend to be your ana coach/buddies and im speaking for experience please by careful I don't want anyone being taken advantage of or even worst.

mini mood board 4 inspired bc idk why but i cannot fucking. stop. eating.

all i think about is my weight and the wanting to lose, but i am stuck maintaining and ending up in binges.

i need to be smaller. i have to. i’ve been working so hard why am i messing this up??

hi

I’ve learned 2 things tonight. That I shouldn’t combine four of the things that I combined today, and that I regret my decisions- Sorry make that theee things-

Firstly, I hate the taste of The devils lettuces.

Secondly, under no circumstances do not mix the green leaf, nick, an empty stomach, and no sleep together. It does not ent well at all. Trust me lol.

Thirdly, have you ever done so much of something that when you look back at yourself you don’t even recognize who you used to be? I’m thinking back to how I was not even two years ago, and I now don’t know anything about me. But I’m too far in now so I can’t stop. And I know that most of the people in my friend group think of me as the dummy drug addict, but that’s not what I wanna be. I never wanted to end up like this, and I’m genuinely disappointed at myself. Sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I am incredibly not well rn, in more ways than one lol. Anyway, I truly hate what I’ve become, and like I know what you’re thinking, ‘ just stop doing them if you don’t like it’. But like it’s really hard to stop and now it’s like the people around me just expect that that’s all I do, they assume that if I’m a little off at school then I’m high. ‘Oh they were quiet today- they’re high’ oh you didn’t answer my text earlier- did you get high?’ Like no aly I didn’t do that, i forgot my adhd meds than got so depressed that I was genuinely contemplating and planning out my suicide bitch. I told someone that I care a lot about that I would try to sleep again, but I’m honestly scared that I wouldn’t wake up because I’m pretty sure that I may have almost over done it but idk, ignore that lol. We’ll find out in the morning if I’m alive lol, if I don’t make an update then y’all know why.

This is how I be feeling going back to uni

Lowkey wish I didn't exist

little update

I started a water fast for the week to drop a few pounds right, so i was only drinking water, taking my daily vitamins, and having a few strawberries. But that couldn't keep up with my body and what i was doing, so while i was at a carnival with my boyfriend and some of our friends, i ended up fainting at one point then getting insanely nauseous. Which honestly in the long run helped me get out of eating at the carnival because theres really no way of seeing how many calories are in carnival food, so win lose i guess. i feel bad because i worried my boyfriend over nothing, all he asked of me was that i took a little break for the rest if the day from my fast to eat some fruit and sip on a juice box. At the most i think that was about 25 extra calories and seeing as I've barely been hitting my calorie restriction (which is 500) and at the time i was only at 85, i think it was ok to take a break for the moment. Ill be back at it tomorrow though.

"you're so funny" - thanks man can’t wait to stare at the ceiling tonight.

Tw

does anyone else ever feel too numb so they purposely trigger themselves to feel something? I know it’s not healthy but it’s one of the only ways that I feel anything right now.

Suicide doesn't sound so scary anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

Photo Time!!!

I can't believe that my freshman year is almost over already! It's flown by way too fast, I've made so many new friends and accomplished more than I thought I could.

overestimating how much you mean to someone really fucks you in the head