1/27 Work Out

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

mannn

everyone around me brags about going through a pod in a week or less and I’m over here hitting it when I can and I don’t make a single dent in it at all, wtf man. Like yea I can make it last but by the time I do make a dent it’s pretty burnt.

why is job hunting so hard now?? In high school I got a job so easy, but now in college it’s like I fit all the requirements but you don’t feel like hiring anymore after saying you were desperately understaffed?!!??

update

Yay my labs are done so tonight I got to use my new pack of blades:)

Tw sorry lol

man I would love to slit my wrists rn but I can’t since I have to get labs done in a few weeks and I know that they won’t be healed by then. I might just go it on my tights tho but that’s an awkward place to me yk

every time…

Welp

After the worst fucking day, I just threw 2 weeks down the drain. I was doing so well, and I went and messed it up. i was clean for two weeks then I went and played fruit ninja on my arms. FUCK. I am quite literally a fuck up

I just can’t do anything right anymore. So here is my current mood. Idk what I’m doing anymore, should prolly just die lol. That sounds like a better idea than anything. My bf could do way better, and be way happier with someone who isn’t a fuck up. With someone that he doesn’t have to worry about hurting themselves. Mom and dad don’t care, they’re too busy arguing to be bothered by me. That deserve a happy, non-messed up child.

so if anyone is wondering, I have playlist for when I fuck up. Idk if anyone else does this lol, but here what I got. Damn this post is a mess lol

crochet vlog

so I’ve been making my sister a crochet granny square blanket and it’s 2 ish days before Christmas. It’s sloooowly coming together but I’m hoping to finish it tomorrow

I’ll add another post about this if I end up finishing it, but it’s looking promising! Oh yea, my cat snickers has been keeping me company while I do this lol

ITS BACK!

There’s so much to unpack here:

Pack of Beakers

Goth Beaker

The Beaker snitching and pointing out the photographer

The Beaker that’s about to unload on the photographer

The terminator strut before the ass whooping and you know he’s moving at speed because of the blur

The ominous feeling that you know this is 3 in the morning

For those who self h@rm by cvtting, here’s some tips for taking care of yourself from someone whos being doing it for 10+ years

•It’s okay, don’t think any less of yourself for relapsing. It happens and its okay. No one ever tells you that its okay.

•Invest in a person first aid kit, I’m a first responder so I’ve always been stocked up. You should make sure your kit has the following:

• sterile cleansing wipes (you can never have enough of these)

•Conforming bandages (you’ll need this for bigger cuts to help keep the gauze secure

•Microporous Tape

•Different size wound dressings

•Plasters of all different sizes (fabric ones work best I find)

•Kitchen roll (I know that sounds strange but it helps to stop the bleeding, where as tissue just falls to bits)

•Some wound closure stitches (butterfly stitches)

•Wash your hands properly before you cvt, it will help keep you safe okay

•Whatever your going to cvt with make sure you give it a good clean with a sterile wipe, I got some nasty infections from not doing this when I was young.

•After you have had your ‘session’ (at least that’s what I call mine) make sure that you treat your wound properly:

•Hold the kitchen roll to your wound until it stops bleeding.

•Clean the area with the sterile wipes thoroughly

•If it is small enough for a plaster then out that on there

•If not use the wound dressings, measure up to the wound ensuring that there is a good finger width between the edge of the cut and the end of the dressing

•Use the tape to secure it into place

•Hold one end of the bandage away from the wound before you start wrapping it (so you have something to tie it off with)

•Don’t wrap it too tight or it will be uncomfortable and you’ll want to take it off

•Change the bandage or plaster every day at least once (I know that it’s hard but if you don’t it might cause an infection)

•If you cvt too deep, it happens it’s okay I’ve been there, push firmly against the wound with a tea towel or any fabric you can get. If the blud is pouring out I’m going to need you to hold it against you wound as hard as you can and then a little harder. Call you Emergencey service number (999, 911 etc) they will talk you though what you have to do and get you help.

•Dispose of any blades you use, don’t use them twice it WILL cause an infection that can get into your blood. I bought pencil sharpeners on Amazon for very cheap. One use only okay? You don’t want to get sick over it.

•If you want to help your scars become less visible use Bio Oil I think that it works the best and really helped me with the ones on my arms.

•There are things that can help you with your urges or relapses.

•Some helpful apps that I would recommend are:

•StayAlive (I have had this on my phone for many years now and it has saved my life

It has saved my life on many occasions and if you find that you are in need of die help, you can show it to the emergency services and they will help you okay. We are trained in this.

•Harm less (It gives you motivational things whenever you open it, it’s 100% customisable and it can help you keep track of your relapses)

•Its okay to relapse, I’ve been though it many times, I recently just relapsed acted a 250+ day gap. Its okay and no one says it enough. You haven’t let anyone down, no one is disappointed in you, your okay.

Just some tips I’ve learnt over time, it’s going to be okay

new crochet project

I decided to try and make a skirt for the first time and it’s actually working, when I finish it I’ll post the pattern link for it :3