Latest Posts by littlecigs - Page 7

when you’ve been in so much emotional and mental turmoil recently that going back to feeling absolutely nothing is actually comforting

I literally have no idea who I am outside of my illnesses and the personality traits I've picked up from other people and I hate it

It feels like no matter who I mirror, no matter how hard I try to please people, no matter how nice I try to be— no one fucking likes me enough to stay or just return my energy equally. It’s so exhausting but I keep trying and trying to get this love and attention but it’s not sticking.

Numb Yourself - Citizen

I’m traumatized cause every time I wanted reassurance, clarification and to share my feelings it was perceived as trying to argue, shit has really turned me into a cold person

I don't want to be alive right now

girls don’t want flowers, girls want to see masked men do the head tilt.

Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

they should invent a desire to be wanted that doesn't feel grotesque and perverse

It's like, I see people on tumblr and insta and tiktok crying their eyes out about how miserable they are, sharing their traumas so openly.

And I feel bad for them, I do. But then this small, cruel part of me thinks, "they don't know how easy they have it."

I look at their rooms, their clothes, their faces, their art, their talents and recoil in jealousy. And I really do feel bad for them! I hate seeing other people in pain!

But damn I wish I had a room decorated that nicely. I wish I had clothes that cool and a real sense of fashion. I wish I were prettier. I wish I could be proud of the things I create and the things I do.

I'm pathetic, right?

I don't think I've ever met someone who feels the kind of bone deep soulless depression I've felt for most of my life. I'm not saying they don't exist, I'm just saying part of me wishes there were someone I could talk to who actually understands how I'm feeling.

But that's selfish of me, right?

I wouldn't wish this on anyone

Hmmmm... craving a feminine touch today

I'm a lot more effort than I'm worth

Occultural magazine Abrahadabra issue #03, 1985

Having to live a future you didn’t think you’d be alive for is so fucking hard

this. this one.

I would like to cuddle up with someone and be sad for a little bit before falling asleep together