Matthew: Welcome To The “I Hate Matthew Fairchild”-Club

Alec: Magnus and I are leaving now. Clary is in charge and I left notes for each of you with instructions.

Jace: Mine just says “JACE NO”?

Alec: And you can apply that to any situation.

Simon: Mine says “Don’t touch anybody”? Don’t you mean anyTHING?

Alec: I do not.

Isabelle: HEY!

Clary: Take me with you.

Will: I don’t play favorites

[at the dinner table]

Tessa: Jem, can you pass the salt-

Will: Seriously, Tess! What the hell? You really have the audacity to doubt my beloved Jem’s ability to pass the salt? Let me tell you, James Carstairs is a GOD and he can do everything he sets his beautiful mind to, okay? Never let me hear you say such things again!

Tessa:

Jem:

Charlotte:

Church:

Will, sighing: I’m really sorry you had to go through that, Jem. Just so you know I’m here for you and I love you

Simon: Hey, what is your greatest fear?

Alec: Losing a loved one

Simon: That’s deep…

Simon: … mine is the kool aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now

Playing Twister

Lucie: James, right hand red

James: [ends up on top of Cordelia]

James: Okay, you’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?

Lucie: I stopped spinning like 15 turns ago. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner.

Will: How about have a seat? Maybe you'd like a glass of water?

Matthew: Anything with a little more kick?

Will: Seriously, Matthew, you're in my office.

Matthew: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking-

Will, pouring whisky in two glasses: You want ice, you're out of luck.

Matthew: Hey, do you know anybody that can teach me how to play the trumpet?

Thomas: Why do you need to learn how to play the trumpet?

Matthew: I wanna wander around and annoy Charles by playing it.

Thomas, thinking about how Charles mistreated Alastair: Technically you don’t need to know how to play it to do that.

Matthew: You have opened my eyes, Thomas

Mark: Oh shit, a cockroach!

Julian: Well, take off your shoe and kill it!

Mark: *takes shoe off and squashes it with his bare foot*

Julian: NO-

Julian: AND WHY THE FCK WOULD YOU DO THAT??!

Kit in school (b4 TDA obviously) (bc I think he went to school??)

Teacher: Kit, I said the paper was suppose to be double spaced.

Kit: *oh shit* I was trying to save paper.

Teacher: The assignment was submitted online.

Kit:

Kit: True, but in order to break my habit of using a lot of paper in real life I have taken an oath to reduce the amount I use online as well.

The Merry Thieves: [searching the beach]

James: Sorry guys, looks like there’s no sand dollars left

Christopher: Can’t the ocean just make more of them?

Matthew: And cause inflation? Destroy the sand economy? By the angel, Christopher, use your head.

Matthew: You should take off your glasses more often

James: *stops*

James: *looks around*

Matthew: What is it? Did you lose anything?

James: It looks like I lost all my fucks and I have none to give