What Would Happen If I Finally Did It:
What would happen if I finally did it:
They'll take one look at my body and one look at my arms and thighs and say, "this is the reason why"
They'll stop searching there. They'll say my parents were naive and the reason there were hundreds of horizontal lines running down my body was because I stopped trying. They'll assume that I lost sight of my future and what I had going for me.
I'll just end up being nothing more than a statistic and a "life that could have been"
Itll be fine though, because I'll finally be at peace.
Everyone will blame themselves and need everyone else's pity over the fact that they lost me when the truth is they never had me. I've had scars for years and they did nothing. I know some saw them. Some days I would cry out for help, and not for "attention" or whatever the boomers say. No. I slit my wrists so I could get help. They heard my cry, but they decided they knew everything and still left me to bleed.
They dont deserve to be pitied for my death. Not even because they caused it, or that they even could've prevented it, but that they didn't even try... they didnt care enough when I was alive, so why would they care now that I was gone?
Eventually, all will go back to normal. It's TRUE. They'll go back to their lives and barely even remember me as the girl who killed herself. They'll say it was because I was depressed. They'll look at my scars and cuts that never healed right, and think they have the whole story. You don't.
This might be proof someday. This might be what's considered a suicide note, but I'm not going to write a typical note. This might be all they find, if they even dig deep enough.
Most likely, They're gonna take one look at my body and say "this was gonna happen sooner or later" and think that's the end of that. But let me tell you:
You've barely scratched the surface.
No. See, things get so bad sometimes, and those scars are the reason I'm still alive. When I see the blood, dripping down my limbs, it's a reminder that my heart is still beating, and I still have a life to live.
It's not meant to be poetry. It's not meant to come out like a positive thing. As much as they help me to live and cope with the daily events of this life, they are what brought me so close to death so many times before. I suppose what they're gonna say about me is right, but that's only one piece to a very complex puzzle I hope to finish one day.
I hope to live so that one day, my scars can be faded to the point they're barely visible. I want them to be gone, but never forgotten. Because where I came from has everything to do with how I approach the rest of my life.
That is, if I choose to live that long.
More Posts from Bubbles7724 and Others
you can never replace anyone, can you? I mean you can try. you can try like hell. you can try and forget but its always there.
My sleeve rolled up, but only for a second. I didnt even notice my fresh scars were showing. Suddenly i feel my sleeve being pulled up. Its my "friend". She doesnt know i cut. Only 1 person knows. I just said it was my sisters cat. She didnt buy it. Other people start to join in, asking what really happened. Ive beeen keeping this secret for 2 years, and ill be damned if they find out now.
Eventually, they gave up on asking. That night, i cut a little too deep. A little too far down. My thighs were already covered in blood, so i moved on to my upper arms, so it could be covered with a tshirt. It started rolling up again and the next day, i felt that same terror as someone tried pulling up my sleeve without warning. I couldnt think. I was in a group of about 10 people, and i had a total breakdown. I blacked out, but luckily, my one friend was in that group and told everyone to just leave me alone. Thats why i love her so much. I know she'll always have my back, even though we havent talked about it in a year.
It took me so long. I tried to stop loving him. I really tried. It took me so long. I couldnt go a day without thinking about him. Even after all the heartache, even after he broke me to my very core. But then i finally did it. I went a day worhout thinking about him. About the pain and heartache i felt. I was truly happy... if it were a thing. Then came the fall shortly after. Then new problems arose, and new people, just coming in and out as they please. But none hurt like him. None could ever match up to the pain he caused me.
This morning, I was so proud of myself. My scars had fully healed. Now, i can still feel the sting of my fresh wounds, and i cant help but wonder, "why does this make me feel so damn good?"
- i tried to stop, but it just made me worse
Slit your wrist, cut your thighs
Fake a smile, and dry your eyes
Hate yourself, and hate your life
Welcome, to my world of lies
Dont give up Never give in Its never too late To start over again I know you feel lost Like theres no way home But just listen to these words And think about this poem Look up, up, up to the sky And dont be afraid to fly On the wings of faith Or to ride the waves If only you knew That these words were true That i speak the truth That you are loved Far above what you could possibly imagine You are loved with a passion Loved by everyone And if not, its their loss They must not have known what they missed out on They havent got a clue You know youre lost We all wander from Gods perfect plan But why not return? Deep down, no matter what you've been through No matter what you're going through You know the truth So why run away? Why must you still stray? Youre always avoiding these questions Because it's "too much work" Maybey cuz you think "you're too far gone" STOP! Because God ADORES all your flaws and quirks His heart breaks when you no longer think he's enough for you That you've got this Let me be the first to tell you. You've got it twisted. You NEED him! Even if your life doesn't completely fall apart You'll be incomplete without your Saviour You wont be joyful You'll be sad You wont be loving You'll be mad You might gain money, fame, and things of this world, But there will always be something missing You'll ever be whole again Not without Him Turn back to Him! He will get you through this Not support groups, not rehab, nor friends and family He already knows the real, unfiltered you You might ask "why isn't he helping then?" Because you haven't let Him yet He wants your permission Its not like you want some random person to start "fixing up" your life You would at least want them to get your consent, right? Its kinda the same thing, because the Lord is polite Some of His ways might Seem brutal and unkind But trust me when I say, you WILL be alright! It might seen crazy at times But it's one exciting ride of a lifetime! So hop on His path, And follow his ways Trust me when I say If you let Him, He will guide you day by day And trust His perfect timing And know that your His child No real harm will come to you When you let him take the wheel And if you're ever doubting, just remember He IS the real deal!
Im screaming on the inside, and you dont care.
Update, I found him
but everything comes with a price...
I found him but I cant have him. I'm to broken right now. I wanna be fixed and have the strength to say "I used to cut" and not "I still cut"
I wanna be with someone who understands my scars. Someone who wont try to change them, but understands why. I need someone whos equally or more fucked up than me.
Fuck right and wrong. I'm doing whatever makes me happy. Im going to stop thinking about what anyone else thinks of me and my actions.
- I am who I am. Deal with it.
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bubbles7724 reblogged this · 5 years ago
