It took me so long. I tried to stop loving him. I really tried. It took me so long. I couldnt go a day without thinking about him. Even after all the heartache, even after he broke me to my very core. But then i finally did it. I went a day worhout thinking about him. About the pain and heartache i felt. I was truly happy... if it were a thing. Then came the fall shortly after. Then new problems arose, and new people, just coming in and out as they please. But none hurt like him. None could ever match up to the pain he caused me.
I just keep thinking about that kiss... i keep thinkung about how much i want to just run up to him and kiss him. I just want to be with him, which only proves that im a psychopath. He played me before, hes not good for me. This isnt healthy. But, something that feels so good cant possibly be bad, right?
This morning, I was so proud of myself. My scars had fully healed. Now, i can still feel the sting of my fresh wounds, and i cant help but wonder, "why does this make me feel so damn good?"
- i tried to stop, but it just made me worse
Slit your wrist, cut your thighs
Fake a smile, and dry your eyes
Hate yourself, and hate your life
Welcome, to my world of lies
I knew it was too good to be true. I just knew i couldnt be happy for long.
You literally dont get it. I dont give a shit whether I live or die. I dont care how I die. I dont care if i die by corona, or drugs, or by my own hand. I dont give a shit.
I miss the stinging feeling. Even how days after i cut, it still stung if u touched it or moved the wrong way. I miss being distracted by the way the pain made me feel.
Ive memorized every part of you. I can remember how your hair feels in my hand. I remember how perfect your teeth are when you smile. I can recall perfectly how your lips felt on mine. I can visualize your perfect face. I can still hear your laugh. I can feel your breath as you whisper in my ear. I remember your hands, and how they fit perfectly in mine. I can remember how close you hug, and how your hand slides down my back. I can remember every single thing about you so clearly. I remember every single thing you made me feel. Whenever i remember this, it makes me want you again. Thats what i'm sure about. So i guess my question is; Why arent you sure after all thats happened between us? Do you remember every detail of me? Do you think about me as much as i think of you?
Fuck... I thought we were past this.