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I Wish I Didnt - Blog Posts
I miss the stinging feeling. Even how days after i cut, it still stung if u touched it or moved the wrong way. I miss being distracted by the way the pain made me feel.
I just keep thinking about that kiss... i keep thinkung about how much i want to just run up to him and kiss him. I just want to be with him, which only proves that im a psychopath. He played me before, hes not good for me. This isnt healthy. But, something that feels so good cant possibly be bad, right?
I think i might have cut too deep this time...
Why am i never enough for anyone?
In Biology we were talking about euthanasia and our thoughts on it. Literally everyone in my class was saying they couldnt imagine wanting to die. That they didnt even have the guts to even hurt themselves in any way. I kept getting flashbacks to last night, and all the fresh scars on my arms and legs and it made me die a little bit more inside, knowing how truly alone i was.
I had a family, once. Then i fucked up and things were never the same.
- the funny thing is, i don't take it back. Im happier alone, and i think that scares me more...
Kissing you was the best and worst desision of my life.
Im screaming on the inside, and you dont care.
I'm so sorry. You deserve far better than anyone i can be. I cant give you what you want, but i want you to know that i will always love you. I really tried, but when we met, it was a completely different world.
Maybe someday though, years from now, when i get my shit together and im not suicidal, we can try again
You know, ive always wanted to talk about what happened, but he kept avoiding it. So, i went on with my life. I found my own twisted version of closure and i got better every day. I moved on, and i knew i would be fine alone. It was like we had never even happened, and i learned to be okay with that. But then my friend joked that i was a heartbreaker and i replied that everyone else breaks my heart. Just normal sarcasm. We didnt mean anything about it. Then he overheard and looked at me. Id never seeen him so sincere. "It was all my fault." Ina ll the time id known him, i have never sene him look so serious. So sorry. Id finally moved on. Id finally gotten over the pain he left me with. I had finally forgiven him. Or maybe i just like to think i did, because here i am once again, my thoughts being consumed with nothing but him