Ed For Me Not For Thee - Blog Posts

hey guys im back ☹️

thought about recovery but look how that turned out

instead of straight starvation (bc let’s be fr was I even doing that) im a health nut now

veggies and exercise and cal counting are the current method of weight loss

guys I don’t want my hair to get thinner and I don’t want my b00bs to shrink and I don’t want bad breath and I don’t want to be constantly tired

but I want to be thin and I want to be lightheaded and I want to always be cold and I want to be comfortable showing off my body and I want people to hug me and feel how small i am

God forbid a girl want two things to exist at once

i want appetite suppressants and laxatives do yall know where i can get some

home alone you know what that meanssssss

not eating!!!

all i want rn is a monster, a really cute cat, and my dream body

so I hung out with a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen since June and she'd gotten soooo much thinner. she'd developed an ed and lost a ton of weight and part of me feels sooo bad for her bc no one should have to deal with this tbh. but another small part of me is jealous. her collarbones and her shoulders were prominent, her thighs didn't touch, when I wrapped my arms around her waist I could feel her ribs. her face was so slim and her spine was nearly sticking out. I feel bad but part of me wants to be like her

hey divas I've missed you guys !!!

ive been eating so much recently and i'm really disappointed in myself. I got a new phone and I haven't installed my cal counting app yet. summer is coming so I really need to work hard these next few weeks

what if i draw an X on my hand so that anytime i reach for food i'll see it

thinspo?

two of my friends had a drama not talking stage and they both lost 20 pounds...

LORD PLEASE HELP ME

very hungry

very demure

i genuinely just want to be thin but at the same time i don't want to work out and i lowk always find a way to eat wtf is wrong with me 💀

i'm actually so tired of all of this FAT hanging off of my body

how come i never look skinny at school

actually jumping off the second tallest building in the world, bye

what if i just started talking in French lmao

Je naime pas mon poids lol

how do i restrict when my parents like doing family dinners?

how do i restrict when my mom makes sure i pack lunch for school?

how do i restrict when my boyfriend worries about me?

how do i restrict when my friends make me eat?

how do i restrict when people actually care about me?

this quarter i plan on being so focused on school that i can't eat!!!

so last night i was on facetime with my boyfriend and i said that all of my weight goes to my stomach and thighs, not to my ass or b00bs (if i'm gonna be fat i might as well have the goods to go along w it, right?) and this MALE said, "no it doesn't, i've noticed" LIKE WDYM??!!! I'VE LOST WEIGHT??!!! I HAVEN'T GAINED ANY TO GO ANYWHERE??????!!!!!

HEYYY GUESS WHO LOST 4 POUNDSSSS

i was at cheer today and i was doing a backbend and i could feel my hip bones, which lately have gotten much more defined, and i stood up and started saying something to my friend about them and she said "yeah they're so sharp" HELLLL YEAHHH THEY ARE BABBYYYY

also tho they hurt when i lay down soooo that's not cute

i was in the car with my mom and i said that my collarbones were more visible and she was like "yeah bc you don't eat food anymore" like thank you, you noticed? 😻😻😻😻😻

tell me how i chewed like 80 pieces of gum in the first two weeks of school

i always hyperfixate on someone else's collarbones and shoulders. like i loveeee them. sluttiest thing a man can have is defined collarbones, it's literally so ughhhh 🤤🤤

i want those too like HELLO

DID Y'ALL KNOW THAT THERE'S AN ALBINO ALLIGATOR NAMED CLAUDE LIVING A SAN FRANCISCO MUSEUM????

gum and walking 🤍🎀

tbh eating isn't that great?? like yesterday i hadn't eaten so i had a smoothie for lunch but it gave me such a stomach ache

guys what if i just don't eat and when i stand up i faint and everyone worries about me <3

tell me why i started comparing myself to my 8 year old self yesterday?? like hello? i was scrolling thru old pictures and i found one from when i was homeschooled and was learning about agent egypt so i had DRESSED UP in a SHEET and a bra and did the stereotypical egyptian hand thing (i was 8 don't come at me) but i was so thin and small and beautiful and i could see my ribs and i weighed like 60 pounds

the doctor told me i weighed 124.8 pounds yesterday

when i was in 7th grade i weighed 98, why can't i be back there?

i have grown five inches since 2022 though so that's kinda cool

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH HELP I'M GOING TO THE DOCTOR WHICH MEANS I NEED TO GET WEIGHED WHICH MEANS THAT ALL MY WORST FEARS ARE GONNA COME TRUE AND I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY LOST ANY WEIGHT AND THE DOCTOR IS GONNA CALL ME OVERWEIGHT AND MY MOM IS GONNA UNDERSTAND WHY I WANNA LOSE WEIGHT BC I'M SO FUCKING GIGANTIC