I Am Not Ready To Lose This Not Ready To Discover Another Time Another Time Without You I Am Not Willing

I would love to allow me to be loved by you But honey, oh honey don’t doubt the loudness in my head words which scream how not enough I am over your words how much you adore me I want to let myself fall right into your arms where you would hold me tight and close but still every little bit of space would be just enough room to develop a black hole which teleport me right into my brain where my thoughts wait like thirsty wolves ready to punish me for letting myself fall for you

respect is not love and not a quality to fall for it’s a simple thing an act of human decency so don’t fool yourself by thinking they are the one only because they are human and know how to act like one

old cigarettes and bitter black coffee a taste of discontent on the tip of my tongue closing my eyes to enter a storm of endless thoughts, a dusty brain sometimes my body feels too heavy to carry so I lay down and just stay in a strangers bed for as long as I can get away with it old sheets and red-stained walls a strangers bed became my home

I desired to learn so many things

Like trusting, instead of searching affection in your night sky eyes

Like loving, instead of rushing only to control and not to lose

Like healing, instead of hurting myself and everyone I feel around

Like being thankful, instead of sorry for all the words which leave my mouth

Like living, instead of dying with every day I waste for nothing

Like living, like living like living time as easy as you do

Why do you feel so alive?

We said we would fight the distance We said  we would never give up We knew  it wouldn’t be easy but we hoped for the best We failed and buried our sweetly spoken promises under all the other  never forgotten lies. Only left are the memories remembering us painfully what of a sweet life  we promised each other

We think to much

and forget to love instead

empty faces

It is another kind of heartbreak to realize that I still haven’t found the soul I am searching for in the person, I hoped so much would reflect my perception of perfection after spending so much time searching in empty faces and beliving that this one has a heart that would mirror my own Just to see they are just another empty face in the crowd of lost lovers I got lost in as well Only this time I painted their face so it is easier to pretend and hold onto something that isn’t even there It is so tiring to search without finding or find without keeping because even if they leave it wouldn’t be their missing that would hurt but knowing that nothing has changed I am still on my journey through empty faces until finding the other wanderer who searches for a face in so much emptiness as well

You are a beautiful soul  remember that

And if he wants to leave  Let him go Because you can’t hold onto something that's already gone You can’t stop people Neither stop time or stop moving on And you will see Someday you will feel  Awake and alive again Because after all

You are a beautiful soul remember that 

Between promises and lies I found myself lost in your labyrinth of words

So tell me

how can you

love someone

and don't care at all?