I’m Crying Over The Stupidest Thing Rn.

Most Stereotypical: Have severe mental illness, partake in destructive habits and generally am a ticking time bomb, explosive outbursts and everything. I’m also very chronically online.

Least Stereotypical: I don’t do drugs and never really go out and do anything fun. I don’t party or go to clubs or anything like that. I also don’t really dress in girly kei type fashion(even though I’d love to).

|||||||||. so fellow jiraizz im curious to know. 🖤 what is the most stereotypical jirai thing about yourself vs the least stereotypical jirai thing about yourself? 👀 (plz plz pleaseeee interact n answer or ill cry forever)

ill start 🤍.

most stereotypical ◇ i have everything in reach of my bed because i really just stay on my bed 99% of the time and am definitely super chronically online.

least stereotypical ◆ tbh i dont want to be famous and worshipped by like simps and weebs online tbh. the attention can be nice but i hate normies too much. i only really want attention from people who i think could actually understand me. basically fellow jirais 🖤.

(btw i use stereotypical here without any negative connotations moreso like neutral/for fun positive.)

÷.

Getting flashbacks to when I genuinely was convinced that I there was a chance I had some form of a Bipolar Disorder except I now cannot tell if it’s Bipolar or BPD that I exhibit the most symptoms of.

I was doing one of those tests for BPD symptoms out of boredom/curiosity and my attitudes aligned a little too much with some attitudes found in BPD.

Here’s the test I did btw<3

I’m very much aware it’s just a little test done for shits n giggles but Idk I remember taking like 10+ different tests for bipolar and being worried because they all came out with the same results.

I backed out of telling a professional about this because my mom convinced me by that point that I’m probably overthinking and that It’s probably a piss poor mix of having an emotional form of autism & severe depression.

Now that I’m coming back to this.. Idk I’m still not sure what to do.

The only thing I know is that something is wrong with me(what a shocker). It’s a matter of what the hell it is that’s wrong with me.

Just doing this to project my thoughts(as if that wasn’t the point of this whole ass blog).

I recently started thinking that I may be some form of dollkin. I used to identify as dollhearted/kith but I didn’t resonate with the term so I dropped it.

I made a little side note about why I feel a stronger sense of connection to dolls and why I lowkey wish I was one. I decided to take a look into porcelain dolls specifically because I didn’t really feel anything for other types of dolls. One of the notes I took down was that I always felt connected to vintage imagery and objects and like I was meant to be in a time that was not the time I actually was born in. Porcelain dolls are hella vintage and usually associated with elegance and the upper class of the time it was produced(1800s). I identify heavily with things associated with purity and elegance and all that jazz. That shit’s like peak gender to me among other things.

I know that otherkin identities are meant to be personal and so the experiences will also be personalized, but maybe if I hear the experiences of someone who is dollkin that’ll give me an idea of where I align.

Soooo….. PLEASE HELP!!!

I made a bunch of collages of all the different styles I like & wear/want to wear.

90/2000s Grunge?? Not sure…

Mcbling/Trashy Y2K

Kawaii(with some possible jojifuku influences)

2020s Tiktok Alt

Mall Goth

Scenekid

Dark Coquette/Morute/Dollcore

Jirai Kei/Girly Kei

Imagine my struggle trying to figure out what to wear lmao

I got my DearMyLove clothes just now!!!

Unfortunately the shirt was a little small but I have a theory that if I lose my big back and my chubby arms that it’ll fit better.

The skirt on the other hand fit perfectly.

There’s also some hair accessories I got which are in the right photo.

I have some shoes that might go with it but they’re heels so I’m not sure if it’s worth it.

Anywho I’m still happy it even came.

I guess now I have some motivation to lose all this extra weight I gained.

Omg I’m already halfway to 1,000 it’s only been over a week or so since I’ve been here😭

Thank you guys though! Seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever felt this welcome and validated in a community before!🥹

Ok so I remember talking about this with some moots of mine and I figured I’d talk about it here.

Does anyone else fucking hate seeing couples and get extremely disgusted by them, but not in the sense that you’re romance repulsed(Tho I am aegoromantic and semi-romance repulsed), but because you have this burning envy towards them because they have a sense of connection that you desperately want and would do anything to experience?

I get grossed out by couples doing pda shit but I know that subconsciously I really want it, but I feel like I will never be able to get it because of me being aegoromantic and also very distrusting of other people, even my family and friends to an extent.

I’m probably the last person who should be in a relationship. I’m explosive, struggle to communicate my feelings, and am extremely obsessive to the point that I would go nights crying over someone I cared about.

My obsessive tendencies know no bounds.

Oh and need I forget about how black and white my thinking is? I genuinely can’t see people as anything other than completely good or completely bad so I’ll go hot and cold on a person if I like them but they do something I don’t like. Like I’ll love them one day and hate them the next.

Idk I have a problem, but case in point is that I feel like love and romance are too inaccessible to me because of who I am, so I’m just left with a gross pit in my chest every time I see a couple being all cutesy and shit.

It’s excruciating.

♡Introduction Part 2♡

This is just for other stuff I didn’t add to my first part of the intro that I wanted to mention at least here.

This is all just things I happen to like fyi.

♡Bands/Artists♡

•Eyes Set to Kill

•Pierce the Veil

•Sleeping with Sirens

•blessthefall

•Suicide Silence

•Deftones

•Cannibal Corpse

•Death

•Children of Bodom

•Britney Spears

•Ayesha Erotica

•Millionaires

•Avril Lavigne

•Candye Syrup

•Kairikibear

•Pinocchio-P

•Tommy february6

•Takayan

•Jazmin Bean

•Hollywood Undead

•CORPSE

•Lil Mariko

•ppcocaine

•S3RL

•BABYMETAL

♡Anime♡

•Happy Sugar Life

•Sailor Moon

•Puella Magi Madoka Magica

•Watamote

•Girls Last Tour

•Serial Experiments Lain

•Bocchi the Rock!

•Onegai! My Melody

•Lucky☆Star

♡Western Cartoons♡

•My Little Pony

•Invader Zim

•My Life as a Teenage Robot

•Powerpuff Girls

•Clone High(Just Season 1)

♡Reality TV Shows♡

•The Simple Life

•Jersey Shore

•Flavor of Love

♡Movies♡

•Mean Girls

•The House Bunny

•Clueless

•The Last Unicorn

•Saw

•Final Destination

•Pearl

•Girl, Interrupted

•The Virgin Suicides

•Valerie and Her Week of Wonders

•Heathers

•Edward Scissorhands

•Twilight Saga(Ironically. I think it’s one big joke.)

♡Video Games♡

•Splatoon

•Needy Streamer Overload

•Kirby

•Animal Crossing

•Pokemon

•Omori

•MuseDash

•Stardew Valley

I’m also slowly getting into Danganronpa & Minecraft!

Some other things I’m getting into are Vtubers and J-Idols. If anyone has any recommendations I’ll def check them out!

Anywho that’s all I wanted to put out there.

Peace!✌️

Currently debating skipping class and getting someone to pick me up.

I can’t stand being in front of people who obviously put more effort than I ever will

I didn’t even bother brushing my hair or putting on makeup or anything. I just look like a mess.

I don’t even wanna work. All I feel like doing is… I don’t even know. Nothing I guess.

I just need to get out of here.

bird like wings or wings made of nature

halos or horns

warrior or scribe

gardens or clouds

singing or playing

armor or soft linen

sword or quill

heaven or earth

god or gods

pearls or gold

human form or true nature

possessing a vessel or being born with it

creating life or destroying life

church or altar at home

worship or be worshipped

pray or answer prayers

rebel or remain

tag game this or that. angelkin edition

bird like wings or wings made of nature (fire, thunder,light)

halos or horns

warrior or scribe

gardens or clouds

singing or playing

armor or soft linen

sword or quill

heaven or earth

god or gods

pearls or gold

human form or true nature

possessing a vessel or being born with it

creating life or destroying life

church or altar at home

worship or be worshipped

pray or answer prayers

rebel or remain

tag: anyone that comes across this