Nick: Jason, Are You Free This Friday At 8:00 Pm?

Nick: Are you gonna go talk to Eric?

Rachel: If he really wants to talk to me, he can come to my room. On his hands and knees.

Nick: Hey we should do this insane dangerous thing that would get us all killed!

Jason: My beautiful baby angel child who can do no wrong, you are usually right but in this case I'm going to have to ask you to sit this one out.

Nick: Aw, okay :(

Eric: Or, we could-

Jason: *shoots him dead*

Jason when he disagrees with Nick: I’m sorry buddy, but no.

Jason when he disagrees with Eric:

Eric: I can’t mansplain manipulate manwhore my way out of this one boys.

Eric: Manslaughter it is

Rachel, handing Jason a gun: Hold this. Do Not drop my baby.

Nick: Awww, he's holding your baby and carrying Salim's!

Jason: Shut. The Fuck. Up.

*nick and eric start dating*

Rachel, bewildered: What the hell just happened? Jason: Something gay lmao Rachel: You’re gay

Salim: for me!

Jason: ow! son of a bi-

Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!

Jason: … iscuit. son of a biscuit.

Nick: nice save.

Jason: yeah. fucking nailed it.

Pre-marines Jason: it’s always ‘how high are you’ and not ‘hi, how are you?’ 

Rachel: WhY does this hallway smell like dater-pe???

Nick: Merwin uses a really strong cologne.

Jason: Overactive sweat glands, you know how it is.

Merwin: I smell fine!!

Rachel: Shower. Now.

Jason: I don’t think Rachel is very happy with you

Eric: why do you think that?

Jason, reading Eric’s phone: “Dear Eric, I hope this message finds you before I do.”

salim is jason’s manic pixie dream boy