Not Enough
Not Enough
Most of the men I’ve been with at one point or another have said, “AJ, I’m not enough for you.” This was stressful because I thought it made me ungrateful. Then I realized they were right. A friend of mine recently told me that my loneliness was causing me to end up with people who aren’t “good enough,” for me. These sentiments have been echoed by the very people in question. “What are you doing with me,” or “are you just settling with me until you find something better,” have been questions thrown at me before. I hate that I’ve put myself in these situations time after time, but I do get lonely, and it’s a struggle for me. However, it’s something I’m working on.
I’ve been looking for stability & security with someone else. I’m just realizing, I can do that on my own. I’m independent enough to take careful of myself, on multiple levels as I always have. I remember recently thinking I want to find someone who could help me with that, but maybe it’s time to late that new notion go. This only came about because I didn’t want to always be doing things alone.
I’m not longer looking for anything other than compatibility. I’m not actively pursuing anything in the relationship arena, but now I’m beginning to have a firm grasp on what I’m truly wanting from a relationship, should it arrive.
Here’s to hoping I can keep this up while pursuing my career. I know some days will be hard, but I’ll figure it out. I always manage to find a way.
(11.7.17)
More Posts from Alovejr and Others
A lot of people have hurt me. And sometimes I act like it. 🤷🏽♂️ Y’all let people get away with a lot worse.
Sick, but took 5 minutes to do this.
This is the worst...
Having no one to talk to when you’re feeling anxious about being ignored. 😥
Just Me
I need to finally accept the fact that I’m alone. I tried to open myself up to help and friendship and support & I’ve had to demand it. It did not come freely. I don’t think this is going to change. It hurts but I accept it.
I think pretty soon, I’m just going to have to diminish my contact with others. Keep it to only public scenarios like grocery stores and barbershops. Leave personal ties behind me. I wish things were different but there nothing I can do.
I wish that I didn’t have to keep changing myself to fit into this world. I’ve really come to like who I am as a person, and I thought I was bringing something good to the world. I find myself having a harder and harder time everyday. Being myself makes me only feel more lonely and like I don’t belong. I wish no one would ever know this feeling.
So much of the time I feel like I don’t matter. And I think I do, but no one else seems to think so. I’m not sure how I’ll manage to be who I want to be and also remove myself from society. So much pain. It doesn’t matter. My feelings don’t seem to matter. How can I value myself when no one else does? I’m conflicted. I’m hurt. I think I really should just leave everyone alone.
Maybe one day someone will hear me.
(11.11.17)
My new short film comes out tomorrow and I'm so excited! You can watch it on YouTube by searching "XING AJ LOVELACE" thank you for the support!
-
elijahgaybrielle liked this · 1 year ago -
poutji liked this · 4 years ago -
mocoloco512 liked this · 6 years ago -
millennial-gentleman liked this · 7 years ago -
heartgemsona liked this · 7 years ago -
alovejr reblogged this · 7 years ago
