I'm so proud of this!
Here it is!
I’ve been having a lot of feelings & I feel like I just have to push them down & stay neutral for as long as impossibly can. Just stay at 0 emotionally. Don’t go to -1 or +1, just stay in the middle & feel nothing. Stay blank. Stay safe. Stay acceptable.
(Everything in me wants to push this away and feel all the feels, but I know I am not allowed to.)