Push

Choking

I could feel myself choking, on his internalized self loathing and the humidity.

This damn window is always such a bitch to open, but finally- I cracked it open and the rush of air was tickling the hairs on my body, and quenching my lungs.

The floor feels so cool on my skin, my always buzzing with warmth, skin. The shadows and colors on the ceiling look like so inviting and forgiving. They whisper to me, “you love you, that’s enough,” but I don’t believe them. As I gaze out the window I can see the sky, it’s perfectly clear. It looks painted actually.

Buzz, buzz.

What does he want now? To suffocate me further? Leave me alone! Go lie to the world somewhere else. Yo sé quién soy. Soy hermosa como soy. I hate him. I hate how this makes me feel.

I miss you.

Yea, I miss me too. I miss how free I was. How I had no fear, but now I fear losing your love. Losing. I fear losing, but I can’t and I won’t. I can’t lose out on love. Real, free, trusted love.

15 minutes.

That’s all the time I have to pull myself off this floor and feel like a whole person again. To feel my soul light up and be the roaring fire it truly is when it isn’t being snuffed out and stifled by bigotry and insecurity. Ahh! I’m tired of crying hot tears of desperation.

A kiss. A hand on my knee. A lie.

All this to make me feel special behind closed doors. Doors so heavy and thick that they can barely be opened. Doors that if we ran through them hand in hand we could be free.

It’s hot out. 9PM. 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Where is that damn breeze. I’m choking again, this time on the smoke from his day old blunt. Damn, anything else you want to suppress? It doesn’t really matter does it? Of course it does but he’ll never get it. Only one of us choking. You can’t know the feeling unless you’ve choked before.

(8.5.18)

This is about more than any single tragedy. This is about peace. Watch thefull video here: https://youtu.be/LI9JNSXZDBM

Tall, Dark & Lonely.

The train jostled him from one lonely moment to the next.

The train car was quiet. Just about everyone was a sleep or was falling into it. There was nothing outside the windows. Darkness and the occasional flicker of light. He was empty.

The open-ended feeling in his stomach was the pain of loneliness. He clutched his bag as if it would hold him back. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough the bag would absorb his sadness. Regrettably his efforts were no reciprocated.

How? How did he continually end up here? Close. Slam. Shut. The doors to love, companionship, affection, repeatedly shut in his face. Is it his karma? Is he unlovable? Is he simply unwanted?

The train doors are open. The air is warm, but not inviting. Where would it invite him to anyway? Further sadness? Deeper disappointment? Ugh, never mind.

The bed is soft. The darkness familiar. The loneliness his own. Lights out. Again.

(5.11.19)

A short film I made in Los Angeles.

Coming this month! Stay tuned!👩🏻🌴🎥

I am power wrapped in bronze, dipped in ambition, filled with passion. ✊🏽

GOALS

Reblog to have the same amazing year as Sandra Oh’s having for 2019

The gift of music… from @sennheiser 🎧

Such an amazing shoot!

We are so excited to release our new short film “No Apologies” next Friday! Tune in to watch!