Alovejr - ENFP | POV

Not Enough

Most of the men I’ve been with at one point or another have said, “AJ, I’m not enough for you.” This was stressful because I thought it made me ungrateful. Then I realized they were right. A friend of mine recently told me that my loneliness was causing me to end up with people who aren’t “good enough,” for me. These sentiments have been echoed by the very people in question. “What are you doing with me,” or “are you just settling with me until you find something better,” have been questions thrown at me before. I hate that I’ve put myself in these situations time after time, but I do get lonely, and it’s a struggle for me. However, it’s something I’m working on.

I’ve been looking for stability & security with someone else. I’m just realizing, I can do that on my own. I’m independent enough to take careful of myself, on multiple levels as I always have. I remember recently thinking I want to find someone who could help me with that, but maybe it’s time to late that new notion go. This only came about because I didn’t want to always be doing things alone.

I’m not longer looking for anything other than compatibility. I’m not actively pursuing anything in the relationship arena, but now I’m beginning to have a firm grasp on what I’m truly wanting from a relationship, should it arrive.

Here’s to hoping I can keep this up while pursuing my career. I know some days will be hard, but I’ll figure it out. I always manage to find a way.

(11.7.17)

The gift of music… from @sennheiser 🎧

My PSA airs tomorrow 7/1/16. Please watch and share! Thank you.

Good Morning

I can feel you. Your skin on mine. Our hair lightly intertwined. My thighs pressing on yours. No fabric between us. The sun spilling through the blinds onto our bodies. It’s warm, just warm enough. Last night... Goddamn! We’re lucky there wasn’t a noise complaint. Between the sweating and squeezing, I’m surprised my muscles finally stopped throbbing. Your hair and your neck in my hands... your lip between my teeth, you taste so good.

Look at you, fast sleep. Your body barely moving against gravity as that gentle heart of yours beats. The heart strong enough to hold me and my epic feelings. You’re still sweet to me even when I’m at my worst. Your hair always smells like the beach, and your lips a bit salty after the first kiss. Your body still fits in mine, it’s so comforting. I’m trying not to wake you as I run my fingers over your lower back down to your ankles. I want more.

I’m watching you from the bathroom, washing the taste of sleep from my mouth so I can wake you with sweet kisses. You feel so good under me. Your knee resting on my ass, your wrists crossed on the back of my neck. Take my weight baby. You like how heavy I am... Make me grow.

Out of breath again. Your head on my chest as the clock keeps ticking. I don’t want to get up, everything else can wait. This feels right. How do we do this to each other? Never mind, I dont want to ruin the magic, promise me you’ll never stop. Your eyes, they’re shining as you look at me. Your lips twitch before you speak and it’s one of the cutest things about you. What are you going to say to me my love?

“Good morning, baby.”

(10.6.17)

🎥

My new short film comes out tomorrow and I'm so excited! You can watch it on YouTube by searching "XING AJ LOVELACE" thank you for the support!