Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

Concerning Life

I really have 30+ plus more years of this shit?  Probably closer to 30, but holy shit.  I dunno if it’s because I’m smart, or because I’m dumb, but it seems like traditionally we all died by 40-50 for a reason, holy shit is this life thing a mind numbing experience.  Buy shit ya dont need, pay to much for a roof to sleep under when ya not working, dread work the time ya under the roof, work to keep the roof, and so on and so on.  Just fuckin, just fuckin kill me already...

Here’s a fairly gay song to prove a point.  The most beautiful languages in human history are as follows:

1.) Irish Gaelic

2.) Russian

3.) Japanese

French is so far down the list to me I think none of you get languages, italian too, ending every word with A or O makes it flow sure, but that doesnt mean its a pretty language, you’ve been brainwashed by movies.

All Things Remain Much the Same

You know what I LOVE about reformed junkies and what not?  even without the junk they’re still awesome at only talking about themselves, their problems, and things relating to them, its good to know suckin ya own metaphoric dick aint contingent on a needle.  They’ve learned alot...through Jesus....

( dies laughing )

When I was young, 7-13 maybe i fought at the drop of a hat.  then after a few random ass whoopings I found a slight fear, not that it stopped me.  At 30, I now have zero fear.  Thats not true really, it is so to say that at this point, i dont value life enough to fear losing it, and Im not a dangerous, or even a violent person, but in a way I am.  It scares me, this isnt me trying to be tough to an empty audience on my dead tumblr, this is a real musing.  My opponent scares me, any opponent, not because im afraid of them, but because im afraid of what ill do, of what I may become. 

As a child I would shake in conflicts, i would cry, and it was never fear, it was always the same emotion less articulated.  I’m a bit of a drunk as I’ve made clear, and i get into barfights often, something im neither ashamed nor proud of, but i will say I win usually not out of an unjustified sense of self worth, or that im that strong or smart ( which really im quite a bit of both ) but because i wont let anyone take anything from me, coming from and still having nothing.

People often give me shit for hating addicts or whatever, life is all about beating yourself, when you fear another, when you only think of blocking and not of attack you will never land a blow, if you fear another its because you dont fear yourself enough, others are of minimal consequence. 

Fear another and you lose yourself, fear yourself and you discover yourself, fear opposition in either forum and you lose, fear not, and you win, but you still lose, it comes down to if you want to die by another hand or by your own.

Fear no evil, but fear the evil in yourself

I love these new DNA testing sites they have, I should really drop the 80 bucks.  But these videos of like, skinheads finding out theyre jews, or white supremacists finding out they’re 18% subsaharan african is just, wonderful.  Not just because its funny but because math doesnt lie, and it’s hard to say it lies.

Really ALL humans are SOME african, but these tests dont go THAT far back.  I watched a video of Irish people taking these tests, and they came back as youd guess if you know history, brittish/irish, spanish, and middle eastern.  Germans/Scandinavians often come up 78-80% western european, and then some middle eastern or Indian.  I’m interested to know but I’m also poor, so I will guess, based on no actual science other than the videos ive seen of people with my general ancestry and roots:

70-75% Western European

10% Middle Eastern

5% Italian/Iberian ( Spanish )

5% Native American

5% Other.

Now when I break down and buy the test, which lets be honest i probably will, I’ll site this and see how close I am.

I will say, if you need your job title, be it cop or military, to include hero in the title somehow magically youre not a hero youre a fucking small cowardly publicity whore, you know what makes a hero?  someone who rejects that title...

All Alcoholics and Junkies talk about is how many days since they’ve done blank, and how great it is to not be on blank, and how last nights meeting about blank was inspirational.

But blank doesnt still control their lives, it’s  their every waking thought, but it doesn’t control them...