All Things Remain Much The Same

" It wasn't until I was quite big I saw my first train.  I climbed up and down the station bridge, quite unaware that its function was to permit people to cross from one track to another.  I was convinced that the bridge had been provided to lend an exotic touch and to make the station premises a place of pleasant diversity, like some foreign playground. "

" I remained under this delusion for quite a long time, and for me it was a very refined amusement indeed to climb up and down the bridge.  I thought that it was one of the most elegant services provided by the railways.  When later I discovered the bridge was nothing but a utilitarian device, I lost all interest in it. "

*Thousands of years from now*

Two archeologists dig through the abandoned ruins of what was once called “New York City”. Deep within the rubble of an old building, something small and rectangular lays in the dirt.

Upon further inspection is seems to be a book of some sort. The pages are yellowed with time and the spine is hanging by a thread of synthetic fiber.

“The Book seems to be written in a strange dialect” says Man #1.

The archaeologists take the book back to the lab for testing. Calling upon linguists from around the world, the first chapter is deciphered.

“When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.”

They were amazed at what they found. A tale of magic, bravery and great battles. Although the stories we’re far-fetched and fantastical, the paper on which was printed was thick and well cared for. Someone had gone through great trouble to produce it and therefore it must be based in truth.

And thus a new Religion was born. Faction after faction of humans flock to the site of the holy text. Finally, after thousands of years of secrecy, humanities history is finally revealed. Though there are no longer elves, hobbits or wizards, Humans have obviously prevailed and are meant to rule the Earth until the day Gandalf the White will return and lead them to Paradise.

Millions of people wear golden rings around their fingers to symbolize their devotion to their faith. Drawings and likenesses of the Prophet Frodo and Protector Bilbo hang in the home of every devout believer.

This is the one true religion. And any who reject it will be thrown deep into the flames of Mordor where Smaug will torment their souls for all eternity.

This is a not so special song you may remember from GTA4 with a video that well, it’s hard to describe how perfect this video is, you have to watch it all to really appreciate it,  and it was cheap to make at that, the communist in me loves that.

2pm and I’m already basically shitfaced.  Happy sabbath jesus, love the hair.

having written two books prior, both i threw in the trash ( one was well over 200 pages ) i started one the other day that im fairly sure of, and by sure of i mean im sure it needs to be written, not sure that people will read it, but people believe in jesus and 12 step programs, what the fuck do people know?!

Chapter Something: Junkies Don’t Deserve Your Sympathy

Being a former drug addict ( not heroin though ) I can tell you a few things, and dont worry, I’ll be covering this subject again, and again...consider this a brief synopsis.

1.) Addiction isn’t real, nothings real, the world is completely inside your mind, if addiction is real, it’s because you made it real.  Yes there are physical addictions, so you sweat and puke a few days, man up

2.) It’s your body and mind, what you do with it is your choice, until that choice affects other lives.  See if I OD’d tomorrow, very few people would miss me, no ones lives are actually contingent on mine, when i show up home high and falling over myself, my kids dont miss school, i dont sell their playstation for a fix, i sell MY playstation.  Do whatever you want to yourself, that is your right, but you dont have the right to ruin other lives like the parasitic entity you are.

3.) Junkies are selfish children with victim complexes, dont believe me, talk to one.  It’s always daddy didnt hug me enough, mommy liked my brother more, etc.  They are histrionic nightmares completely absorbed in their fantasy world they’ve made for themselves ( much like people in holywood ) and they will justify everything they do as such.

4.) they will manipulate you, physically, emotionally, you will either be one of their many enemies and or notable mentions in their suicide note, or you’ll be an enabler when they hit some 12 step program, bottom line, they’re never the problem, but everything else is SUPER problematic.

5.) 12 step programs are bullshit, giving yourself up to a higher power and admitting you have no power over your problem, see victim complexes.  Thats just an excuse and removes any and all personal responsibility, much like a catholic going to confessional once a week after hes been a dick hole, youll be a selfish little child all week and fuck over everyone, then call your sponser crying, and then strangers in a meeting will hug you and tell you how its not your fault, and so on and so on, you will never change this way.

6.) Trading one addiction for another isnt being clean ( go ahead, ask me how i know, hey alcohol hurt my nose less atleast ) being manically happy and talking about jesus all the time doesnt fool me that you’re not thinking about that needle 24, and i know you’re not convinced, or youd shut the fuck up and get a hobby.

7.) and finally, there are 7 billion + people on Earth, hard working, intelligent, sad people, everybit as sad as you, and frankly, we dont need your 10th grade education junky ass in the genepool.  I refuse to cry when some junky i knew in a past life dies, all i can think is gee im glad he had 3 kids he didnt raise, im sure with their crackwhore mom and dead junky dad they’ll turn out JUST fine. 

( Remember Idiocracy? )

You know if i was in therapy I’m sure I’d be set back in it by now.  I cant believe 30 years into life all i have to show for it is a drug habbit, bad dreams, a pile of broken used electronics and a 7 year failed relationship.  Wasted life was the perfect title for this blog, I think my feelings would be hurt had I any left.

Before all my feelings were dead anger would be what I feel right now i guess, just waiting for death.

Watching nazi shit lately, Anne frank made it til something like 3 weeks before the war ended, she and her sister died of typhoid, shall we then assume that despite good or bad, we are to make it right up until we may make it, and die short? Do we all simply live JUST to die? what is life, is life truly contingent on those around you that allow it?  Is life forever a witch hunt?

Are you only heard when some crazy force silences you?  if anne frank, despite her words that should have been heard, were ugly, would her diary sell as well?  Many many MANY deep thinking minds were destroyed in ww2,i find it strangely convenient that the stories that sell best are the ones with a good face that are edited well, are all stories contingent on how we sell them to the tribe of man?

What makes a story you want to read,is it the thoughts therein or is it how pretty the thoughts are worded, do the sounds need to come out of a face you somehow remotely relate to?  what IS it you consider depth, and more importantly WHY is it considered depth?  Have you any questions to ask?  Is the editor of the story really the one that makes ya dick hard/ginny tickle, do you even know what it IS that really tickles you? Questions Questions.

Shall it then forever be a battle of who has the prettiest words,or is it, supplementally the one who says the words closest to your own thoughts?  Do you strive to relate to people or do you strive to find those who would mirror yourself in your small view of the world and tiny endeavors therein?  

shall you then punish those who would deny your instant gratification?  should a stifling word become you antithesis?   Have I done too many mushrooms in my life?  Probably...

Do you really know what it is to be alive before you face death?  How many people do you have to bury do you think before youve outlived enough people?  what is it you want from life, what the fuck IS it you want?!

Do you imagine death as some floating experience in the clouds, do you see it as the end?  Are there truly any ends?  What IS it to end?  are not all beginnings some other end?  Can your tiny brain even conceive of not being?  If not, is that some copping mechanism?   Are you just stupid?  what IS stupid?

Are the victims of the world the only voices that matter?  Do we all not suffer our own hell, Is the winner not really a loser? Has not every action we should do have repercussions of which we cant comprehend, can we even comprehend ourselves?  

Will our spouses that cheat on us, or our self involved children save us from such fates?  are we just dooming those around us to suffer in our fate, to drown in the tides of our own raging waters?  Why is it we only destroy that which we hold dear?

Are you breathing right now?  Are you sure?  if you were to wake up tomorrow after that 8 hour death and find out there were infact no life to return to,would YOU be any different?  Do you cry out of pain or do you cry for attention?  What IS it to cry?....