" It wasn't until I was quite big I saw my first train. I climbed up and down the station bridge, quite unaware that its function was to permit people to cross from one track to another. I was convinced that the bridge had been provided to lend an exotic touch and to make the station premises a place of pleasant diversity, like some foreign playground. "
" I remained under this delusion for quite a long time, and for me it was a very refined amusement indeed to climb up and down the bridge. I thought that it was one of the most elegant services provided by the railways. When later I discovered the bridge was nothing but a utilitarian device, I lost all interest in it. "
When you’re lonely, you seek people. You find people, you compromise, you sell your good traits and pretend the bad arent there, an vice versa. When you reach a certain point, you dont care anymore and all your relationships fail, and then you’re lonely for a long time, and then you hook up out of desperation with excuses therein as to why you arent desperate.
And of course those relationships fail, because theyre more about your own problems and less about the people involved therein. Then you stop caring, and die. Some people do this quicker than others. We all start as hot love affairs and end as roomates with benefits, yet we all waste so much time on it.
Id say Humans are 45% concerned with love, 45% concerned with highs, be it drugs or overeating or whatever, 5% regret, and 5% coercive optimism. Maybe if we all stopped lying to ourselves and eachother we could get somewhere..i mean, did you SEE the new walking dead, how amazing, this is a life well spent, the big bang theory, hahahaha, he said something sorta nerdy and there was a laugh track! hahahaha, im gonna eat some popcorn, pretend to read a book to appeal to hipsters, then check my many online dating profiles for a hit, this is me spending my life well, this is me, progressing....
Man created God in his image: intolerant, sexist, homophobic and violent.
George Weinberg (via question-everythinng)
" Walter Benjamin, he wrote an essay titled: ' The Destructive Character ' in which he said ' The destructive character is cheerful and friendly, and knows only one motto, make room. ' and there is no moral value whatsoever in that...no good, no evil. No apocalyptic ulterior motives associated with it, no war and destructive wrath." " There is nothing more than the need thereby recognized, that for all, for every, for anything new to emerge, the preconditions must first be created, the old must be eliminated, room must be made, and that's simply why destruction is needed. " - Blixa Bargeld, Einstürzende Neubauten
Facebook is just filled with suicide awareness posts today, everytime i log in infact its some new obituary from some junkie i went to school with or whatever, the ones not od’ing are blowing their faces off...
Nows where I pretend to feel bad, pretend we were good buds, and pretend the worlds worse off without em, when infact, its the exact opposite in every way. 7 billion people, mostly useless, go ahead and blow ya face off, no one gives a fuck.
Feed your head.
Hellraiser Directed by Clive Barker (1987)
I’ve quit more drugs than most of you have done, It’s all in your weak little mind. Now dont get confused, I’m not belittling addicts, it’s a hard thing to deal with, but you can do it, and you can do it without other sad addicts and meetings and bullshit. These are crutches that still keep whatever substance near and dear to your heart, sure you dont do it, but you talk about it each and every week, and then when you go back to it you wonder why.
Believe all the fairy tales you want, theres no such thing as a successful 12 step program, stop being a fuckin rube about it, I go days, weeks without this or that drug, sometimes its physical symptoms, thats just like having the flu, man up. You’re stronger than any drug, or you’re not and it will kill you, you decide which its all within your mind, but stop, STOP being an annoying cunt about it, if everytime you open ya mouth you mention your recovery or whatever, just spike up, atleast youll shut the fuck up about it.
The first time I smoked crack I was like 14,we were doin it ALL weekend, none of us slept, and then I went to school monday. I felt like shit for days, but I got over it, without any external influence what so ever, i could do it as a child, you can do it as a sentient adult, stop this nonesense.
I know I sound mean, and i sound like all the ignorant people that havent been there, but I’m not mean, and i HAVE been there, half your addiction problem was people enabling and coddling you, you cant recover with more coddling, youre responsible, YOU, and only YOU can change it, collect all the dumb sobriety coins you want, theyre a nice little token of how youre wasting your life now instead of booze or heroin or, what the fuck ever.
Jesus doesnt love you, love yourself. Hell if Jesus IS real he’s the one that let you get all fuckin smacked up in the first place, he was a bit of a wine drinker I’m sure he was just passed out.
Musings and more of a despondant 30 year old man, former drug addict, current writer/alcoholic. I'm unmarried, I have no children, and all my dreams are dead, I've wasted my life, and you can too! Never say never. Sometimes prolific, mostly offensive observations about people, life, and the nature of the universe. I'm a communist, your god's a lie, hate mail welcome.
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