I Am Grendel

Silly Frustration

This one is for those who write their name small and messy

For the ones that got pushed into Besse

They’re ashamed and scared of the mistakes

With every single dreadful take

Sitting in my frustration

Study my realization

That I’m stuck

Out of bad luck

Can’t move in my seat

He’s watching in my normal horrible fleet

I studied my fast wit

Realizing I only have so much grit

Oh what I didn’t study

Does he see me as a silly fuddy-duddy?

My frustration should have,

Had him halved

Does he know how hard?

I don’t think he comprehends my backyard

His yearbook I should have signed to have no regrets

I lost my bet

Now I write my name small

I make anxious job calls

Afraid of making things worse,

I silently curse

One Way Magic

I live in a world of unfinished poems

Sometimes I lose them

And it hurts

But I suppose there is a beauty in it

In the fact that it was created

Then went missing into the universe

Sometimes I forget that old ways

Can be the best ways

There is beauty in lost things

Beauty in destruction

How things are created

Then just cease to exist

Like a one way magic trick

Now you see it,

Now you don't

And you shall

Never see it

Again

But the universe will move on

And there will be more days

And more things will be created

Working The Night Shift

People think I'm lazy

But I'm awake for the same amount of time they are

I am just awake and asleep at a different time

They see me sleeping all day

But that’s because I'm awake all night

They say the early bird gets the worm

But what if I happen to consider myself the worm?

Not only that but…

The second mouse gets the cheese

I'm nocturnal

Either that or I was meant for the other side of the planet

But I do like seeing the stars

Street lights and few cars

It’s nice to be unbothered

By anyone really

Daytime people

Won’t understand the mood

Of Ziggy Stardust or the Dark Side of the Moon

Only Spacetime Oddities

Know about the secret societies

That only meet in the night,

Only to mess with the forces

Of the good, the bad, and the gravity

Along with pronking springboks  

Pages

I don’t know what love is

I just can’t wrap my head around it

Like the size of the universe

Love makes people do crazy things, but it just usually makes me curse

How could you not lose hope and keep lining up shells?

Because of love

I am third wheeling it

And it’s lonely

But not for the lovers, only

They are unconsciously awake

Let’s travel

And get a plane ticket

To a place where our hearts don’t feel heavy with atmosphere

Dear,

Let’s start again

Even if I feel like a spring…

Stressed out

Is how I work

Otherwise

I just sit on my ass instead of taking to the skies

I need to get away to any other place

A new reality where I will not be a sad tragedy

But will have a happily ever after

Filled with much laughter

Because any other place has got to be better  

I currently live in a deep cave of a library, that’s full of empty dreams

I stare at the ceiling as I scream with laryngitis

And I feel the shelves towering over me, all around

I'm a story that someone forgot to put down

And I just want to be put on the shelf

Sometimes it seems like I can see the most clearly when I am blinded by tears

Because that’s when I'm not avoiding my feelings

It’s like I am able to see the lopsided way the world moves

The inner working grooves

That are so complicatingly simple

I wonder not when, but if the pieces will ever fall together

Being the mismatching misfit that I am

I don’t know if I am a puzzle that can be put together; maybe I was made wrong

All along,

A factory mishap

I want you to hold me as close as pages of a book that are bound to the spine

Because maybe

You could force and weld pieces of me together and get readjusted

As I fall apart and become more rusted

Like the tin man  

I have a heart

I just don’t like to let on to that,

It’s actually not stone cold at all

It’s quite the opposite

It’s all mushy and squishy

Rachel

Those damn ex’s

Leave your brain perplexed

Walks lightly

Thinks brightly

Favorite color is green

Just like a spleen

Understands your weird, random metaphors

Doesn’t waste her time and energy knocking down unnecessary doors

The grand piano player

Has many layers

Some that I’ll probably never get to see

Gave away her key

Seems pretty sophisticated

Good fated

Always saying that everyone has their own fight

Not afraid to spend the night

Looking out for me

Lets my thoughts be

She’s courageous

She’s contagious

You’ll always want her around

Leaves you thinking new thoughts like why don’t you just push off the ground

What are you hiding under there?

Doesn’t take a stupid dare

Goes beyond

Knows about that dirty mucky messed up pond

Promises you that you can fly

Look at those blue eyes

Deep

Proves the secrets that she keeps

Fell and scraped her knee

Got stung by the swarm of stinging bees

But stood

To show life that she could

So smart

She’s off the chart

So much more to learn

In life there are so many places to turn...

Words

People say that words can’t hurt you

But words can make you dangerously blue

They say that sticks and stones hurt more

But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore

Words have a lot of meaning

Stop the brain cleaning

Why do you think I write poems?

Poems are my home

Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul

Unless you let them slip through a little hole

Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds

Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine

Some words hurt like knifes

Don’t let it ruin your life

Words can leave marks,

Scars and painful friction sparks

Other words are kind

Some can blind

You can’t only say I love you to me

You have to not just prove it but make me see

I now don’t trust easily at all

People who I used to trust have made me fall

Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter

After

I can still hear them in my head

When everyone else is in bed

Sleeping

While I lock myself in my room weeping

Their laughter always growing louder

Why must I cower?

I wish I was strong like everyone else

I just want to be my old self

Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not

They don’t know I cry a lot

They say I'm strong

But they're wrong

They all think I'm fine

They say that while all they do is shine

I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty

Musty…

No one ever wants me

I'm the third wheel all the time, you see

You always tell me someone is worse off than me

Why can’t you just flee?

The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum

What have I become?

Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?

You are careless

The stress

Of always trying to be the best

You’ve made me a mess

I just want to be me

You never hear my pleas

Of just let me be me

I beg you please

Just turn it off

And step off

And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all

I just don’t want to bawl

Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look

I gratefully have unhooked

From you

We’re not stuck like glue

I've lost faith in the human mind

You can’t even be somewhat kind

Words make up the human world

Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled

Words hurt more than physical pain

You have a box of permanent letters in your brain

Of all the mean,

Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean

Some of the letters are signed with your name

Yes you are that lame

You really are your worst enemy

Slowly killing yourself…

Lonesome

The word “I” is pretty lonesome

The word lonesome is not as lonely as I

I am lonely with myself

I lost myself again, I see…

I might have just have been lost at sea

Where will I find me?

Do you ever think about me?

Did you erase me from your memory because it was too painful?

I still miss what you threw away

I took the trash out Tuesday night

And I missed you Wednesday morning

I found a song that reeks of you

I almost went to the dump to look

All I found was a clean brook

I don’t think I knew you, before you turned into a sad crook

In that brook, I tried to baptized myself in the cleanliness and got a little lost

And sometimes I have a hard time putting on my holey socks

And sometimes I forget about the locks

I is lonesome

I need guidance; I can’t learn from trash

I'm better off lonesome

I Am Not Your Smooth

Smooth

Smooth

Groove

I can say I made it out alive

I can say that all the times I got pied

Humiliated, it felt like you, snide

Groove

Smooth

Smooth

You seem needy for a female

When will you realize, I will not be for sale?

For news you're stale

Smooth

Groove

Smooth

You wish you had this one

Away from that one guy I'll run

By someone else my heart has been nicely won

You are not smooth

You're vain which is not my groove

Please stop thinking I am your smooth

Suicide Of Talking

When it seems as if all I do is say the wrong words

It just seems like the world would be better off without my voice

A violent soft voice

A little voice meant to destroy

If only it could destroy

Social anxiety,

Selective mutism,

And the awkwardness

Created by me

In other words…it’s hopelessly my fault

My words have a tinge of blue

That slips under the radar

Because word suicide

Doesn’t happen all at once

It starts out as my mind nagging me

That I could have chosen better words

And then it escalates to my mind haunting me

Like a television

That turns on with the help of a ghost

The suicide happens

When I start to believe

That it hurts less

To say less

Instead of saying something I will regret

Pascal’s Triangle

I'm nervous

But I showed up and here I am

I'm choosing to go down swinging, hard

I have to know that I tried

Even if I know I'm gonna get my butt kicked,

I like to at least attempt to kick back

My life has trained me for the sport of butt kicking

But it sometimes leaves me feeling pooped out

Every time I yawn I roar like a lion

A silent roar of sleep deprivation

But a roar of determination

Call me stupid

Call me crazy

But I'm gonna get this right no matter how many times it takes

I'll get it eventually

You can annoy me and make me feel uncomfortable but you cannot get through my stubborn head

I'm nearly impossible to brainwash

Without other methods being used

Looking at the big picture

Can be daunting

But you can just use fractions

And break everything up

Shatter it thoroughly

Take a step back

Breathe

And look with new eyes of simplicity

One step

At

A

Time

Let the miracles happen, and have fun storming the castle