Latest Posts by phallic-lava-lamp - Page 2

stupid textpost sketches

waist holding

I had my weekly crash out about superman yesterday and sent harv screencaps of STAS supes. he had things to say about his waist

Barbara and Stephanie are the ones wearing the pants in the relationship, especially because they clearly prefer their men without them on.

shoutout to this masterpiece that's been in my drafts for going on 2 years now

Idk if anyone else remembers, but Batman canonically carries around Bat-cookies according to the Batman/Scooby-Doo crossover.

I LOVE to think Batman carries them around as snacks for Robin. I love it even more to think he uses said cookies to bribe Robin into good behavior in a similar fashion to Scooby Snacks.

Little Dick Grayson: I don't wanna go to some stupid Gala! U can't make me!

Bruce, in desperation: would u do it for a bat-cookie?

Dick: woah! Bat-shaped! Cool!

Bruce: andddd you can have another one after the party

Dick, mouth full of cookie: okay :)

Bruce, internally: thank fuck a parenting hack that works

Batman: stop! Don't kill him!

Red Hood: and why do I give a fuck what you-

Batman: would u spare his life for a Bat-cookie?

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I'm not a kid anymore-

Batman: they're fresh, look, still warm

Red Hood: ...

Red Hood: this works ONCE. This ONE time. Gimme that damn cookie.

Batman: of course

Red Hood: Fuck I've missed these what the hell does Alfred put in em

Bruce: go to sleep, Tim

Tim: I'm almost done-

Bruce: go to sleep now and you can have a bat-cookie

Tim: a what?

Bruce: a bat-cookie. See? Here, first taste is free. Try it.

Tim: bribery? Really?

Bruce: positive reinforcement

Tim: giving me treats like I'm some kind of dog?

Bruce: try it and then we'll debate the ethics

Tim [eats cookie]:

Tim:

Tim: okay

Bruce: Okay?

Tim: if I promise to sleep a full 8 hours I want two more and a glass of milk

Bruce: u drive a hard bargain but I accept

Dick: aw, c'mon, Damian. One picture. For me, to remember your first day of high school. Do it for a bat-cookie?

Damian: -tt- I've heard of these so-called "bat-cookies" Insulting. I am not a child. I refuse to participate in such an asinine tradition.

Dick: shame. Alfred made animal-friendly ones so you can share with Ace and Batcow. I guess they don't get any treats either, then

Damian: well

Damian: since it would please you so very much, I will overlook this patronizing lapse in judgment

Damian [tries one bite of cookie]:

Damian:

Damian: given Batcows higher food intake requirements, I will require at least a dozen.

Damian [takes another bite]: perhaps two dozen

Duke: you agree I did a good job today?

Bruce: yes? I suppose. Earlier, when you stopped that-

Duke: shut it. Don't care. Cookie me.

Bruce: excuse me?

Duke: I know about the cookies, old man. You've been holding out on me. The cat's out of the bag. I did a good job, I get a cookie. That's how it works, right?

Bruce: uh well

Bruce: that was a long time ago

Bruce: i had to discontinue that method after-

Duke: are you saying I'm not a valid member of this family because I was never Robin?

Bruce: of course you are! But I don't have any on me-

Duke: don't. Lie. To. Me.

Bruce: Okay! Okay. You're right, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Just... do me a favor, and don't go announcing to the whole cave you got-

Duke: YES. MY FIRST BAT-COOKIE! SCORE!

Every batmember in the vicinity: BAT-COOKIES ARE BACK????

Bruce: NO! stay back! Stay back you animals! Alfred! Alfred! It's happening again-

Alfred, sighing: I'll preheat the oven, sir

gotham rainy nights*

i still am a believer of duke doing silly things with his superpower

patch note: i got another believer and im honored

hiding under your dad's cape when it's pouring outside can be something very special + many years later, a smug dude with his bat-rain-poncho invention

This is stupid, I spent too long on this lmao

world war 3 was on the line, jason

ARTIST FANS OF INVICIBLE/DC

OMGGGG I HAD THE GREATEST ART IDEA BUT I CANNOT DRAW IT, I REALLY WANT IT MY WALLPAPER OR SMT SO SOMEONE PLEASEE

I NEEEEDD TO SEE like oliver (invincible) and damian (dc) standing like back to back to eachother and then behind them/ taller is nightwing and invincible also standing back to back PLEZSEEEE OR JUST SOME OLIVER AND DAMIAN ARTWORK I LOVE THEM SM

absolute CUNTman ✋🙂‍↕️🤚

this guy is pretty super

I love them, i love YJ, but I don't think I could endure even a day with them. 🦐

big bro & bigger bro

Young Just Us!!

The true reason why the Joker killed Jason wasn't because he wanted to hurt Batman or anything, it was because One Time, after Joker was caught and was being dragged away, Jason made Bruce laugh So Hard that he had to use Jim Gorgon as someone to lean on, that people Genuinely Thought that he had been dosed with Joker Venom until he calmed down

But nope, just a really good joke

And from that day on, The Joker hated the second Robin with a passion

sometimes you gotta just. you know

they're meant for each other or something

CLARK 😭😭😭

Damian grew up listening to Jason telling stories of his time with Bruce, and being the competitive little shit that he is decides he has to one up the guy once he gets to Gotham. this leads to him waiting until the perfect opportunity and proceeding to steal the tires off not just the batmobile, but all the vehicles in the cave. he pulls it off perfectly and he’s incredibly proud of it UP UNTIL Dick and Tim start panicking that Jason Todd’s vengeful ghost is clearly haunting the cave and is clearly agitated at Damian being the new Robin- after all, he only started fucking with things after Damian took the mantle, so he must have disapproved, right?

after two weeks he has to call Jason, scuffing his feet on the ground and gritting his teeth as he explains the situation.

“….what.”

directing his glare to the ceiling, Damian stubbornly repeats, “Grayson and Drake will no longer let me in the cave. they believe that your ghost is angry with me and are afraid you will become agitated by my presence there.”

“…” he waited impatiently for Jason’s response. “well how the fuck did you manage that?”

“your brothers are imbeciles.”

“first of all i’ve not even seen Tim since he got taken in, i met him like once when i was thirteen at a gala when we took turns trying to throw olives into an old lady’s handbag from the balcony above, he is more your brother than mine,” Damian rolled his eyes, tapping his foot and peeking out from behind the curtain he was hiding behind to call from, ensuring Alfred wasn’t nearby. “second of all why the fuck would they immediately assume i want you gone? didn’t they wonder why i didn’t start haunting the cave when the replacement took my mantle?”

“you’re acting like there should be logic behind any of this. i stole some tires and now they think your spirit wants me dead.”

“just tell them you took the tires.”

“but then i’d be caught and my mission would be a technical failure.”

“sucks to suck.”

Jason was not much help.

he was even less help when he came to Gotham and, in between establishing himself as an anonymous crime lord in Crime Alley, starts fucking breaking into the batcave to move shit about and leave threatening messages claiming that ‘the ghost of Robin is displeased with Damian’

Damian is this fucking close to just revealing Red Hood’s identity. on the plus side Tim is having the ego boost of his life learning that his successor’s ghost was ok with his Robin but not Damian’s. he’s been on a permanent high for the past month and it’s not going down any time soon.

Bruce is just sick of Dick sobbing through seance attempts while he’s trying to work at the batcomputer.

Cutest guy in town

Superman vol 2 #226

i like to imagine that the JLA treat Bruce’s drama with the Robins like a friend that cant hold down a relationship. there’s a world out there where Bruce brings Robin!Damian to the JL one day and introduces him as the new Robin and immediately everybody crowds around like

Ollie: aw bummer man, sorry to hear about Tim. out if curiosity did he die or get sick of your shit?

Bruce: …what?

Barry, to Ollie: have you met Tim? that kid can’t be killed. c’mon Bruce, what did you do that finally pushed him over the line?

Bruce: i didn’t-

Diana: first of all i hold the firm belief that a shot of ginger would finish that child off. second of all you’re both wrong, Tim must have been kicked out for disobeying orders.

Barry: i told you when we started the betting pool that Bruce wouldn’t do that after losing Jason, are you seriously still doubting me?

Ollie: seriously Diana, the bets are whether he died or broke up with Batman, there’s no third one

Diana: i just think-

Bruce: ????? Tim is fine?? he gave Robin to Damian willingly??? he’s at home right now designing a new outfit for his debut as Red Robin??

The JL:

Bruce: have you been BETTING on how my relationships with my children will end?

The JL:

Damian: for the record, a ginger shot definitely would take Drake out.

The Batfam doesn't realize they got pretty privilege.

Like sure, they know they're attractive because duh, they're basically celebrities, their looks is all people talk about. But the small stuff? The opened doors, the free gifts, the extra smiles and good attitude? That, they're completely clueless to.

It doesn't help that it happens to all of them and most their friends, so nobody notices it's out of the ordinary.

Clark goes "The lady at the cafeteria gifted me this cake" and Bruce is like "Oh yeah, she does that"... She doesn't.

Kory gets offered to cut in line to the front at a concert and tells Dick "People here are so nice!", and instead of noticing the favoritism, Dick holds out three STAFF passes and goes "I know right! Look that lady over there is going to take us backstage!", and they laugh while Wally's eye twiches.

Tim goes undercover wearing cheap loose clothes, contacts and a fake nose, and people are just so mean to him, like no manners at all. They bump into him, ignore him, he says 'Good morning' to an old lady, and she doesn't even say it back! ... He comes back ranting about rude people and what not. And Jason is like "Really? But they're so nice in that neighborhood, that old lady is always giving me candy!". Barbara doesn't know how to tell them the nose simply made Tim look average for once.

Damian. Hits. It. Off. At the pediatric unit of the hospital he's volunteering at. Kids love him, and he thinks it's because Jon was right about the 'Always greet them with a smile' thing, but in reality it's because half the kids got a puppy-love crush on him. Jon, just as oblivious is like "Told you sooo".

Stephanie thinks it's the good karma. She gets a whole ass perfume bottle for free at the mall and is like "See Cass? It's that robbery we stopped last week, the universe is giving it back". Cass, with a perfume of her own, knows better but nods anyway.

Duke thinks they're all dumb and unaware, and he's making fun of them when Alfred goes "And I suppose you think Miss Carrington has saved you a seat at the bus for the last three weeks just because". Duke doesn't say anything after that.

yoou guys wont be laughing when i suddenly collapse unconscious and have to be taken to the hospital. then youll all see <- normal thought process to have while doing anything i dont want to

Dickie to go along with Jason's design for "door, opening" my in-progress fic! my handwriting is also typed out in alt text 🐦

an important distinction 🐦 more chapter art for door, opening.

Cosmic love, baby!

Fall with me, Darling

(A Black Moray Eel and her Meteor)

give battinson a robin and have it be stephanie brown