Latest Posts by mushrooms010 - Page 3

developing your ocs is 50% waiting for bursts of divine inspiration like an oracle sleeping next the vapours seeping from fissures in the temple floor and 50% stalking them in your mind relentlessly like a persistence predator until they tire out enough for you to get close and scamper away with the bloody scraps of "eye colour: brown" and "dislikes: people who think they're funny" clutched in your mouth like a hunting trophy

Warhammer :D

(Iron warriors legion)

Warm buttered bread for all :D

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

I shake

Awake

And cannot sleep.

I try

But why

Can’t I count sheep?

My heart burns with distant agony

And the truth is all too clear:

I’m burning all alone again

And no one holds me dear.

I want to roar this dragons’ flame out of my chest

I want to breathe in peace

I want my skin to cool again

Will this pain ever cease?

In this din

With the might of ten

My strength billows like a sail

But all alone

An unearthed stone

My heart feels deathly frail.

My blood a deadly poison

Like a fire in the night

Is burning up my insides

And sets my mind alight.

I long so very dreadfully

For rest and for some peace

Unfortunately to achieve this end

I may have to be deceased.

A terrible conclusion

My heart cannot allow

But while I live,

What I wouldn’t give

For cool hands to soothe my brow.

The Way I've Learned To Live

The way I’ve learned to live

Isn’t what I ever expected

When I was little and the world

Still held all the beauty I had needed.

I’ve learned about myself

In ways I hadn’t ever guessed

Were even possible for me.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my sanity and my life

My heart and my soul.

But oh, I’m losing it

I’m losing this careful hold

Every time I bite back words

I know I need to say.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is to stay silent when others think

That I am like them, because safety is in numbers

My hands are bleeding from the painful grip I have

The only thing suspending me

From falling down and down.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my heart and my soul

My sanity and this life

But oh, someone help

I can feel myself slipping

And now I tumble

Down and down

The way I’ve learned to live

Is the way I’ve learned to die

Someone help, someone help

But oh, I’m losing it.

How Many Ways To Say

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you how I feel

Again and again?

I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

I’m so tired, I’m so tired

Of looking at the pages

That are my sole escape

My mind is buzzing

With things I wish I had the courage to say.

And I’m still wondering now

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say how I’m not normal?

How many times

Must I scream

I am not a daughter

Before I’m finally told

That nobody wants to hear it?

Stop lying to me

Stop telling me you understand

Because I’m so tired

Of this body

And the way it’s winding down

I’m running out of words

Someone please tell me 

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To tell you I’m not ok?

And now you’ve scared me

Now I’m silenced

And yet you think it’s fine

I’m not ok, I’m not alright!

Someone tell me that’s ok

Someone tell me I’m not a freak

Even if I don’t believe

How many ways

Can there possibly be

To say I’m so damn tired?

I am nothing, I am nothing

I am not your daughter

I’ve never been but now I wonder

How many ways

Can there possibly be

For you to say

You don’t care?

Cause I’m running out of air

And I’m running out of words

Someone wind me up again

How many ways

Are there to say

That I am not your daughter?

I'd Rather

I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On nights like these.

I wish I were someone new

Someone I’ve never seen

Someone who can tell me I’m alright and

There’s nothing wrong

With me.

I’d rather be a mindless beast

Than see humanity again

And I’d rather not wake up

Than face myself again.

I’m scared of myself

And the person I’ll be

And I’d rather be a lot of things

Than myself

On lonely nights like this.

I wish I could just say

How very tired I am

But I’m wrong and I know it

I’m ruined and I know it

Please let me speak

But you won’t

And I know it.

I’d rather do a lot of things

Than try again for you

I’m so tired

I’d rather cry

Than tell you how this feels

I’d rather be ashamed

Than fail again

I’d rather, I’d rather

But that doesn’t change

I’m still myself

On nights like these.

If I Could Be Anything

If I could be anything

On this planet earth

I wouldn’t be a human

I’d be something free.

I wouldn’t be a human

No matter what you say

When the sky is so enticing and

My mind so trapped here now

I might choose to be a bird

And fly away from here

Or an insect with a view

Limited to me.

If I could be anything

I wouldn’t be a human

I’d let myself see

The world from the oceans

So blue and so deep

And I’d let myself sink

Away from humanity

Because if I could be anything

I wouldn’t be a human.

A painful light

A burning fire

Heart alight

With one desire

I burn for you

Like a funeral pyre.

Can you be

what I require,

Or shall we dance

Till I expire?

Envy

They got it, 

So why can't I?

How come they automatically get it?

And I have to work so hard for mine.

They just did that one thing,

And all that opportunity came their way,

What about me?

I sit here struggling.

Fighting for pennies,

Fighting to be heard,

Fighting for peace,

And alI I seem to get is brick walls and resistance.

I don't want to be them,

I don't actually like them,

I don't actually want their lives.

But I want the same opportunities,

I want those doors to open for me,

I want that ease that I witness in them.

I hate my life.

I openly reject it.

Victimising myself to anyone who will listen,

Playing the blame game to deflect my ownership,

Proudly accepting sympathy for my shortcomings,

I have dug this ugly, defensive hole that I sit in. 

But the truth is,

That we are all blessed in our own way,

We all have experiences in good & bad,

We all  have moments of right and wrong,

We all have ways of not seeing the positives over the negatives.

What is one's person ease,

Is the other persons hardship,

What one person's hard work,

Is another person's cup of tea,

What is your walk in the park,

Is another person's walk through the trenches.

We all have our own struggles,

We all have our own point of pain,

This is just mine,

And I'm sure you have yours,

We are not any better than each other,

We are all just humans having our own human experience.

Envy is a bitch.

A cruel deadly sin that lurks within,

Eating away at our love for each other, 

Creating barriers of the haves and have nots, 

Identifying where we hold lack inside.

But envy can also be a catalyst for change.

Creating inspiration,

Evoking aspiration,

Driving up our determination,

Making us want it more.

What is their victory,

Is also my possibilities,

If they can do it,

So can I.

They got it with such ease,

Imagine what I'll receive if I actually try?

I put my all into it,

Bending backwards,

Beg, borrow & steal,

Determined to claim what is mine.

I achieve my goal, 

I receive my glory,

I stand tall in my victory,

The evidence of all my hard work.

But soon that day will come,

Where others will see my success,

Oblivious to my journey,

Unaware of my set-backs,

Unconscious of my struggles.

Where is mine, they will say?

When do I get my chance?

How come they got it so easily?

And the truth is that,

What goes around comes around, 

The endless cycle of the human condition.

We notice the similar tone,

We witness the familiar themes,

We recognise the signs of envy.

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

i think i've loved you

in every lifetime

on every planet

in every universe

that i have ever lived in.

it's like it's hardwired into me.

i think that's why

i can't move on,

why i can't stop loving you

no matter how hard i try.

it's impossible.

you're in my brain chemistry.

you're in my bones.

-mars

A Coward's Guide To Being Brave

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave

One

Fake it till you make it

Keep smiling till it’s real

Keep talking till you find

It’s getting easier

Two,

Give second chances

To those that you know

Compassion can change

And learn when

A second chance

Will only hurt you

Three,

Be honest

If only with yourself

About how you feel and

How you don’t

Discover what your passions are

And relearn yourself again

Four,

Keep both feet on the ground

You’re not meant

To be walked over

Or to keep falling down

Until your knees are bruised

Five

You are a work of art

Treat yourself like

You are holy and

You are in control

Even if you’re hurting and you’re bleeding

Your scars inside and out

Make you a canvas of the human life

Six,

Remind yourself you are worthy

You are cared for

And your experiences cannot

Define you forever

Because it’ll hurt

And forever is a long time

For you to forget

You are worthy

Seven,

Remember you’re not a coward

When it’s hard and you

Can’t remember what it’s like

For the sun to shine and the rain

To give you a break

Even when it’s hard to recall

When you loved yourself

And you just keep faking it

But you feel you

Will never make it

You are not a coward.

Bravery

A seven-letter word

And here’s a guide

Of seven parts

To teach us all

How to be brave.

-A coward

Lil angst poem :)

And I Am?

“And who might you be?” Well, I’m many things And yet I’m too scared To tell you any of them Too scared to tell you My names that are true Too worried to claim I know who I am So I’ll tell you now Another lie Because what’s one more When I’m drowning in them? “I am ------” But it feels so foul to say It feels like a lie Because that’s all it is. “I’m this and I’m that” But none of it is true And I can’t breathe Someone help But I don’t know how And I am A liar And a coward And someone who is scared I am foolish I am weak I am someone who is scared I shouldn’t feel this way But I do, I do, And I don’t know what to say When you say the name I picked out so carefully Like a slur Like a curse Someone give me a chance Let me explain how I feel Just to be refused again. And I am Someone who is alive But sometimes I don’t know What to say or how to act Because I am not the norm And the norm will kill me In a day or a year The outcome’s the same Suffocation or a blaze Who really cares? And I am Someone who is scared And I know it is without reason And yet I don’t know this But I do. And I am Someone who is confused And who can’t form these words To tell you what it felt like To hear you say my name Like I am a slur and a failure A sinner and a liar.

heres the thing, also. Even if things don’t get better, I’ve still got anywhere from 0-70 more years left on this earth. I would rather still fight to make those years liveable, comfortable, thriveable even. That alone is worth it. It isn’t all or nothing. It never has been.

his name is Jahel; they have a p neat 'friendship'

Embodiment of War, Shamura

niall.breen.comics on Instagram

A thousand little lies

A thousand little lies make up my world

A thousand little lies

Every single day

From things just as simple

As the name I know so well

A thousand little lies

Floating in the air

I breathe them in and breathe them out

And I know their taste so well.

My tongue is sick and rotting

In this wretched mouth of mine

Because a thousand little lies

Make up this world of mine.

A poem called fear it's under the cut :)

Fear

Is there a reason 

You feel so empty? 

Is there a reason 

You feel so alone? 

Surrounded by people

All the time

Yet the monsters in your mind

Just won't rest

You're locked in a prison

Made in your mind

Put on a smile

Don't let them know

Cause you can take this pain

Another day. 

Focus on happy thoughts

You're convinced you'll end up fine

You're overreacting 

Just calm down

Cause nobody else

Says anything about this

So keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

And smile at the world 

Can't focus on happy thoughts anymore

Can't pay attention

They're getting worried

Cause you can't breath quite right anymore

That smile of yours a bit askew

You're locked in a prison 

Made in your mind

You can't let them know

You can't take this pain

Another day. 

Take some medication, 

You're sure you'll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

Cause you can't tell them how it feels

Nobody else

Tells you anything about this

You're drowning in an ocean of silence

So you keep smiling

Not sure you're doing it right but

It's convincing enough. 

Medication is failing

It hurts to even think

The monsters dug their claws in so deep

You're so sick of smiling 

Cause there are no happy thoughts anymore

You're chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

You up the dose

Anything to feel alive

You feel like you're insane

Nobody else

Feels this way

You're so alone

Wishing you could

Just smile again

You don't know if you'll be fine

Silence hurts

Words hurt more 

Anything

To end the pain

Thoughts fade to fuzzy haze

Your own heartbeat seems like a curse

They ask you if you're afraid of death

You can’t answer

You're not afraid of death

You're afraid of life

You're so scared

Of living another day

Anything to end the pain

It's all too much

Nothing is the same

You're jumping at every noise

You just want to feel free again! 

The monsters have you hostage 

In your own mind

There's nothing you can do! 

You don't feel fixable

You feel like a shattered mess that ruins everything and everyone

You feel like you're ruined beyond redemption, like even your soul can't be saved

You feel afraid of this life when they ask if you're really giving up

But they don't understand

The living hell you suffer though! 

They don't understand

How much you keep inside! 

Your mind is breaking under the stress

You're so scared of feeling this any more

One more day seems like another year

Every moment of every day is a nightmare of pain you can't escape

Your mind might as well be a weapon

You can't take it any longer! 

.... 

You're drowning. 

reblog if you support:

• pre- or non-hrt trans people

• genderfluid/non-binary people who want hrt

• genderfluid/non-binary people who don't want hrt

• pre- or non-op trans people

• tall transfems

• short transmascs

• fat/plus size trans people

• fem trans men

• masc trans women

• transmascs who don't/can't/won't bind

• transfems who don't/can't/won't tuck

• transfems with wide shoulders

• transmascs with wide hips

• genderfluid/non-binary people with facial hair or tits

• genderfluid people whose presentation is static but their gender is not

• non-binary people whose desired presentation is how society says their agab should present

• transmascs who bind but still have a visible chest

• non- conventionally-attractive trans people

• non-conforming trans people

• non-"passing" trans people

• non-stereotypical trans people

We don't all fit into cisnormative society's bullshit stereotypes!

I'm trying to prove a point to some transphobic relatives. Back me up tumblr.

Lil short story about my OCs!! I don't know what I'm doing <3

Uhhhh Hi! I don't think anyone will actually see this but I think I'll put my stories about my OCs in here. Maybe it'll give me motivation to work on their actual story-

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DEATH

He couldn’t catch his breath. Again. Sitting upright on his bed in the dark, running shaking hands through his hair, Death vainly tried to steady his breathing. He closed his eyes- not that there was a difference. The inky black was there either way, letting his mind replay memories like a high-definition video, complete with sound. Such vivid colours, preserved like a fly in amber in his memories.

He opened his eyes and slid off the bed. Death’s not really sure why he tried to sleep. It never works. Or it does, and this happens. Honestly, he’s not sure which is worse.

It was worse tonight, though. He can’t steady himself. Breath. Focus on your breathing. He takes another deep breath, then another, his hand resting on the bedpost. It didn’t work. He didn’t really expect it to work.

Once he gets some light into the room, Death sits at his desk, looking at the book on it. The thought of sitting alone and trying to distract himself sounds… pretty terrible, right then. And he knew there was no way he could just go back to his work.

Death stands back up, suddenly needing to go somewhere. Do something. Just to take his mind off it. And for once in his life, he’d be the one getting Life up.

About halfway there, he gets the urge to just forget he was going to do this, to turn back around, but he shakes it off. Even if he got all the way there and turned around without actually talking to Life, it was better than just sitting there in his chambers.

At all hours, Life’s realm was so bright. Joyous. There was so much energy that it seemed to hum in the very air. Death was tempted to just stop, take it in like it was his first time there, but he didn’t. That wasn’t his nature, after all.

After Death reached the entrance to Life’s castle, he hesitated at the door. He practically never came by unannounced, and when he did he always had a clear purpose. Not like today. Honestly, even Death didn’t quite know what possessed him. Just… the desire to not be alone.

He realises his hand is hovering above the door like some nervous mortal, and so he brings it down three times. It’s fainter than he would have liked, but Life must have been close to the door, because it opens only a few heartbeats later. “Hey, Death! Is the sky falling in?” Life jokes, hand resting on the doorframe.

Death rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” He told Life. “I don’t never stop by.” Although he couldn’t tell if he was regretting it or not. Life made a lot of things a hell of a lot better, but Death wasn’t sure if he could help with this. It was just some nightmares. He shouldn’t have come.

“Will you walk with me?” Death asks before he can talk himself out of it. Damn it, he feels like a child. Uncertain and hesitant. Life doesn’t comment on it- if he even notices– and instead just steps outside next to Death. “Yeah, of course!” 

Even though Death asked for Life, Life takes the lead. He doesn’t mind- just having someone else there is helpful. Well, part of it is just that it’s Life. Life is always much more tethered than Death, even if he’s better at pretending it.

Life leads Death to a little forest clearing- they’ve come here a lot. It’s quiet for Life’s realm but noisy for Death’s. It’s soothing and vibrant, little flowers blooming around the boulders that litter the ground and leave indents in the grass when they move. Death rests his hand on one of the tree trunks, watching Life walk ahead of him and sit down on one of the boulders. He twists around and gives Death a smile, and damn it Death wants to see that every day for the rest of his existence.

He walks over to Life and sits next to him on the ground. Leaning back, Death can just barely see Life’s amused face watching him. Life doesn’t question it as Death tilts his head forwards again and just lets Death sit there.

He knows he has things to do, that he can’t sit there forever. But right then, in the sunlight, listening to the animals and Life, his back to the warm boulder, he’s as content as he gets. Death’s dreams and memories are pushed back out of his mind as he leans back again and gives Life a smile.

Obligatory reblog because this needs to be said

I've seen some people starting a bit of discourse with the GoatLamb ship and stuff and saying that the GoatLamb is going to overthrown Narilamb etc, and i think a

PSA on Fandom Etiquette is in order just in case

Please for the love of lamb, for the shippers on Narilamb or Goatlamb, don't start a ship war. I like the COTL fandom because is so chill, and fun, let's keep it that way and just let people ship what they want.

You don't like a ship? Simply ignore it.

Headcannons of the Lamb and Goat having a more platonic/brotherly relationship over a romantic one bother you? My brother in lamb the block button is right there if it bothers you that much

Narilamb truther 4 life? Curate your tumblr tags so you don't see GoatLamb art. Easy!

Like or not like Nari×Goat×Lamb? Same as above my dude. Either block or curate your tags without having to be rude!

But please do not attack each other for this guys. Let's keep the COTL fandom a fun place. Please i don't want it to become another toxic dump waste fandom 😔

So have fun shipping and let people ship what they want! Remenber, shipping Is not a competition guys, is just silly fun!