The Way I've Learned To Live

Some commissioned articles

Lil short story about my OCs!! I don't know what I'm doing <3

Uhhhh Hi! I don't think anyone will actually see this but I think I'll put my stories about my OCs in here. Maybe it'll give me motivation to work on their actual story-

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DEATH

He couldn’t catch his breath. Again. Sitting upright on his bed in the dark, running shaking hands through his hair, Death vainly tried to steady his breathing. He closed his eyes- not that there was a difference. The inky black was there either way, letting his mind replay memories like a high-definition video, complete with sound. Such vivid colours, preserved like a fly in amber in his memories.

He opened his eyes and slid off the bed. Death’s not really sure why he tried to sleep. It never works. Or it does, and this happens. Honestly, he’s not sure which is worse.

It was worse tonight, though. He can’t steady himself. Breath. Focus on your breathing. He takes another deep breath, then another, his hand resting on the bedpost. It didn’t work. He didn’t really expect it to work.

Once he gets some light into the room, Death sits at his desk, looking at the book on it. The thought of sitting alone and trying to distract himself sounds… pretty terrible, right then. And he knew there was no way he could just go back to his work.

Death stands back up, suddenly needing to go somewhere. Do something. Just to take his mind off it. And for once in his life, he’d be the one getting Life up.

About halfway there, he gets the urge to just forget he was going to do this, to turn back around, but he shakes it off. Even if he got all the way there and turned around without actually talking to Life, it was better than just sitting there in his chambers.

At all hours, Life’s realm was so bright. Joyous. There was so much energy that it seemed to hum in the very air. Death was tempted to just stop, take it in like it was his first time there, but he didn’t. That wasn’t his nature, after all.

After Death reached the entrance to Life’s castle, he hesitated at the door. He practically never came by unannounced, and when he did he always had a clear purpose. Not like today. Honestly, even Death didn’t quite know what possessed him. Just… the desire to not be alone.

He realises his hand is hovering above the door like some nervous mortal, and so he brings it down three times. It’s fainter than he would have liked, but Life must have been close to the door, because it opens only a few heartbeats later. “Hey, Death! Is the sky falling in?” Life jokes, hand resting on the doorframe.

Death rolls his eyes. “Shut up,” He told Life. “I don’t never stop by.” Although he couldn’t tell if he was regretting it or not. Life made a lot of things a hell of a lot better, but Death wasn’t sure if he could help with this. It was just some nightmares. He shouldn’t have come.

“Will you walk with me?” Death asks before he can talk himself out of it. Damn it, he feels like a child. Uncertain and hesitant. Life doesn’t comment on it- if he even notices– and instead just steps outside next to Death. “Yeah, of course!” 

Even though Death asked for Life, Life takes the lead. He doesn’t mind- just having someone else there is helpful. Well, part of it is just that it’s Life. Life is always much more tethered than Death, even if he’s better at pretending it.

Life leads Death to a little forest clearing- they’ve come here a lot. It’s quiet for Life’s realm but noisy for Death’s. It’s soothing and vibrant, little flowers blooming around the boulders that litter the ground and leave indents in the grass when they move. Death rests his hand on one of the tree trunks, watching Life walk ahead of him and sit down on one of the boulders. He twists around and gives Death a smile, and damn it Death wants to see that every day for the rest of his existence.

He walks over to Life and sits next to him on the ground. Leaning back, Death can just barely see Life’s amused face watching him. Life doesn’t question it as Death tilts his head forwards again and just lets Death sit there.

He knows he has things to do, that he can’t sit there forever. But right then, in the sunlight, listening to the animals and Life, his back to the warm boulder, he’s as content as he gets. Death’s dreams and memories are pushed back out of his mind as he leans back again and gives Life a smile.

reclusive child with elaborate imagination and maladaptive daydreaming to plural teenager who doesn’t identify with thier own body anymore pipeline is unfortunatelg real

A poem called fear it's under the cut :)

Fear

Is there a reason 

You feel so empty? 

Is there a reason 

You feel so alone? 

Surrounded by people

All the time

Yet the monsters in your mind

Just won't rest

You're locked in a prison

Made in your mind

Put on a smile

Don't let them know

Cause you can take this pain

Another day. 

Focus on happy thoughts

You're convinced you'll end up fine

You're overreacting 

Just calm down

Cause nobody else

Says anything about this

So keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

And smile at the world 

Can't focus on happy thoughts anymore

Can't pay attention

They're getting worried

Cause you can't breath quite right anymore

That smile of yours a bit askew

You're locked in a prison 

Made in your mind

You can't let them know

You can't take this pain

Another day. 

Take some medication, 

You're sure you'll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

Cause you can't tell them how it feels

Nobody else

Tells you anything about this

You're drowning in an ocean of silence

So you keep smiling

Not sure you're doing it right but

It's convincing enough. 

Medication is failing

It hurts to even think

The monsters dug their claws in so deep

You're so sick of smiling 

Cause there are no happy thoughts anymore

You're chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

You up the dose

Anything to feel alive

You feel like you're insane

Nobody else

Feels this way

You're so alone

Wishing you could

Just smile again

You don't know if you'll be fine

Silence hurts

Words hurt more 

Anything

To end the pain

Thoughts fade to fuzzy haze

Your own heartbeat seems like a curse

They ask you if you're afraid of death

You can’t answer

You're not afraid of death

You're afraid of life

You're so scared

Of living another day

Anything to end the pain

It's all too much

Nothing is the same

You're jumping at every noise

You just want to feel free again! 

The monsters have you hostage 

In your own mind

There's nothing you can do! 

You don't feel fixable

You feel like a shattered mess that ruins everything and everyone

You feel like you're ruined beyond redemption, like even your soul can't be saved

You feel afraid of this life when they ask if you're really giving up

But they don't understand

The living hell you suffer though! 

They don't understand

How much you keep inside! 

Your mind is breaking under the stress

You're so scared of feeling this any more

One more day seems like another year

Every moment of every day is a nightmare of pain you can't escape

Your mind might as well be a weapon

You can't take it any longer! 

.... 

You're drowning. 

This post is mushroom verified

Just a friendly reminder, the moss loves you and the mushrooms think your kinda cute.

his name is Jahel; they have a p neat 'friendship'

Circles

I sit here

And in circles I go

Round and round this carousel

My mind and my heart at war

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

But the flower is just as confused.

I lay here

And in circles I go

Around and around and around

I can’t feel my soul and my heart is losing the fight

They love me, they love me not

I love me, I love me not

I’m out of flowers and I‘m just as lost.

I tumble down

And in circles I go

Round and round and round

I can’t breathe and my mind is screaming

He  loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

A roll of the dice away from something stupid

A spin away from losing my mind

I can’t put the shovel down

He loves me, he loves me not

I love me, I love me not

In circles and circles I go

Around and around this carousel ride.

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

Systematic

Tell me that

You’ve never seen a system with a crack

That however improbable

And however small

Someone fell down

And wasn’t welcomed back up.

Because only so many times

Can the nail be hammered

Before the wood begins to warp

And only so long

Can the earthquake go on

Before the ground begins to fail.

System failure, system failure

Throw the dying ones a rope

But cut off their hands before you do

Or this systematic failure could be fixed.

Tell me how you’ve never seen

Someone fall and fall and fall

Down a hole so deep

It swallowed them up

Never to be noticed again.

Letters on a paper

Ruining lives

Laws for people

Who have never been seen.

System failure, system failure

The hammer keeps on hitting

So cut off their hands

And keep shaking their world

So the systematic failure can thrive.