Chuuya: I Find That I Adore A Person Pleasantly More If They Can Speak A Second Language, Especially

Ango: They say partners can never be just friends. It's always sexual.

Dazai: *scoffs* That's dumb. Look at me and Chuuya. There's nothing sexual between us.

Oda:

Ango:

*ada!Chuuya au*

Atsushi: I can't tell whether Chuuya joining the ada was a good thing or not...

Atsushi: Because on one hand, I have much less paperwork to do, and Dazai seems much happier and more stable.

Atsushi: On the other hand-

Dazai, through the office door: Fuck yes Chuuya, there, there!

Atsushi: That.

Akutagawa, opening a door he shouldn't have opened: Dazai, Chuuya?

Dazai and Chuuya shocked, as their kissing session just got disturbed: Akutagawa?

Akutagawa, concerned: Is everything alright?

Dazai: It's perfectly fine.

Dazai: Chibi, tell him what we're doing.

Chuuya: We...

Chuuya: I'm teaching him some poetry.

Akutagawa: Poetry?

Dazai:

Dazai: Yes, I love poetry.

Akutagawa:

Chuuya: I'm surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it.

Akutagawa: I'll leave you to do your poetry then...

Akutagawa: *closes the door, regretting all his life decisions*

*in a port mafia meeting*

Chuuya, looking down at 69 new guns Dazai bought: How did you pay for all of these again?

Dazai: I used your credit card, I memorized the number.

Dazai: It's 9481 6400 2--

Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face so he stops talking*

Chuuya, drunk: I mean Dazai is just an egotistical bitch who only cares about himself.

Kajii: Literally I just said I dont care.

Chuuya: And then he'll call me and try to see how my day was and he'll pretend to care about me and comment on my photos and laugh at my jokes and~

Hirotsu: Oh well, that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit.

Chuuya: Ikr,

Chuuya: he's just a fake privilege asshole.

Dazai: Please don't tell anyone but I think I'm a little bit in love with Chuuya.

Atsushi, who genuinely believed the two of them had been married for the past 7 years: ???

Atsushi: Oh.

Dazai, walking up to look at a dead body: Okay, first of all, big mood.

Dazai: Kissing can burn 26 calories per minute, wanna work out with me?

Chuuya, offended: Are you calling me fat???

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!

Dazai: My feelings for Chuuya are strictly platonic.

Ango: I see...What color are his eyes?

Dazai: Ocean blue, not in a weird way but in a way your ship can get lost in their waves and you’d never want to escape because it feels like an adventure and discovering new things in life...

Odasaku: Right...

Ango: What color are my eyes?

Dazai: Idk brown? Shut up Ango I'm talking about Chuuya.