*ada!Chuuya Au*

Chuuya: Thank you for inviting me to mackerel's wedding today, Kouyou.

Kouyou: Yeah no problem.

Chuuya: This is probably a stupid question, but who is Dazai marrying?

Kouyou: You. You’re the fiancé. This is your wedding with Dazai!

Chuuya: Wait, what?

Mori: There’s your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon.

Kouyou: For a week! No, a month!

Hirotsu: Here’s some money, make it two!

Dazai, walking in: Oh! This is beautiful! Who’s having a wedding today?

Dazai: When you see him, please don’t freak out ok?

Kunikida: I’m not going to freak out. Who ever you’re dating I’ll always be accepting of them. Even if they were working in the port mafia...

Dazai: Alright, you can come in!

*Chuuya walks in*

Kunikida: Mr. Nakahara, please get out of the way. I’m trying to see who is Dazai dating!

Atsushi: Chuuya kissed you?

Dazai, staring woefully out of his window: Aha...

Atsushi: And you said thank you…?

Dazai: Yeah...

Atsushi: Well that was very polite of you.

*meanwhile*

Chuuya: Thank you?!?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN?

Kouyou: He’s stupid Chuuya you know that!

Dazai: Chuuya and I don't use pet names.

Odasaku: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Dazai: Honey.

*silence*

Dazai: Ha, you thought, bitch.

Chuuya, yelling from another room: What do you want, whore?

Odasaku, to Dazai, about Chuuya: What is a rival if not a crush you're mad about having?

Ranpo: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Fukuzawa: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Ranpo: Breakfast burrito but yeah...

Fukuzawa: I pity your dentist.

Ranpo: Joke's on you I don't have a dentist.

Fukuzawa:

Fukuzawa: I'm taking you to the dentist.

Akutagawa: Mr. Dazai, truth or dare?

Dazai: Dare.

Chuuya: Why do you always choose dare?

Atsushi: Because he’s too scared to face the truth.

Chuuya: And what’s the truth?

Atsushi: That he’s waiting for someone to dare him to make out with you.

Kunikida: Why is Dazai late, again?

Atsushi, writing Dazai's report: He said he's going through an existential crisis and won't get up of his futon cause he doesn't know what's real anymore. 😅

Kunikida: 😡

Dazai: Would you slap your crush's face for 2 million dollars?

Chuuya: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.

Dazai: Savag-

Dazai: Wait...

Dazai: WAIT-

Chuuya, panicking: fgqhcwgnaklud-

Akutagawa, opening a door he shouldn't have opened: Dazai, Chuuya?

Dazai and Chuuya shocked, as their kissing session just got disturbed: Akutagawa?

Akutagawa, concerned: Is everything alright?

Dazai: It's perfectly fine.

Dazai: Chibi, tell him what we're doing.

Chuuya: We...

Chuuya: I'm teaching him some poetry.

Akutagawa: Poetry?

Dazai:

Dazai: Yes, I love poetry.

Akutagawa:

Chuuya: I'm surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it.

Akutagawa: I'll leave you to do your poetry then...

Akutagawa: *closes the door, regretting all his life decisions*