Let-me-leave-this-place00 - Welp

Just a poem I wrote..

So let the winds carry my body,

To brighter places, where you might be,

Lift me up above the clouds

I’ll search all of Tennessee

I wish I didn’t have to unlove,

But know, in dreams, you’re still my dove

A love that never quite got to run

We walked, we crawled, and laid to rest under the sun

I wish I didn’t have to unlove

A bottomless black hole I see

Where nothing lives, and sadness feeds

A soul rotting into the other

Decomposing in the depths of eternity

In the vast darkness that entangles me

I’ll always remember you in the fall

That’s where it first began

I wish I didn’t have to unlove you at all.

They look my life and let me live

The best thing about life is that it’ll end one day

So I've been on and off adhd meds for a bit

And I've noticed sonthing

On them its quiet. Quiet in the way where I want to sink into it. I lay in my bed and just dissociate. Quiet in the way my thoughts try to fill the silence. At least i can focus better. When the silence isn't filling me with anxiety and thoughts of my own death.

But off them

It's loud. I can be happy and energetic. And quiet and disengaged. There's so many things running through my head constantly. I have more motivation. Can I focus? No. But that way I cant focus on my own demise either.

Idk what to do. In school, being on them is worth it cuz I cant pass my classes without them. But otherwise its just

Let me sleep lol

If anyone has any advice for finding adhd meds that work and dont wanna make me kms and give me crippling anxiety-- please lmk

None of this would’ve been an issue if I just killed myself at 16

Me in the mirror on a daily basis

Ahh no dont kill yourself ahhh you're too sexy

I just wanna stick a knife in my arm

My existence feels wrong. Like I wasn't even supposed to be here to begin with.

How do I stop existing without kms