The Best Thing About Life Is That It’ll End One Day

"Are you ok?" I'm actually tired bro. From the bottom of my heart I'm tired

My younger self would be so disappointed that we’re still here

Kill meeee i cant do this shitttt its all to much

every year i reach new lows and wish i killed myself earlier

So I've been on and off adhd meds for a bit

And I've noticed sonthing

On them its quiet. Quiet in the way where I want to sink into it. I lay in my bed and just dissociate. Quiet in the way my thoughts try to fill the silence. At least i can focus better. When the silence isn't filling me with anxiety and thoughts of my own death.

But off them

It's loud. I can be happy and energetic. And quiet and disengaged. There's so many things running through my head constantly. I have more motivation. Can I focus? No. But that way I cant focus on my own demise either.

Idk what to do. In school, being on them is worth it cuz I cant pass my classes without them. But otherwise its just

Let me sleep lol

If anyone has any advice for finding adhd meds that work and dont wanna make me kms and give me crippling anxiety-- please lmk

“I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go.”

— Neil Gaiman, The Sandman

One day we shall grow wings

One day we shall feel free

The thoughts that drag us down

Rip our skin

And cloud our skys

Won't be able to touch us

We will be above the clouds

In a place that no one's seen

The people who spit in our faces

Prod at our hearts

And watch us sink low

Won't be able to touch us

We will br above the clouds

In a place where no one's been

There no tears shall be shed

Except for ones of relief

And our hearts will open

We cant feel pain in the palace in the sky

Will you hold my hand as we fly?

One day we will grow wings

You ask why I didn't reply to your text

I wanted too

But the weight of a conversation felt impossible to carry

You ask why I dont text back

I tried too

But I was scared id say the wrong thing

You ask why I never tell you things

I want to

But im scared you'll hate me for everything I do

You ask why I dont talk

I tried too

The words couldnt seem to come out

You ask why I dont wanna be your friend

I want to

But I couldnt handle you leaving

So I left first

I love you but my story cannot go on any longer

Im the sequel no one wanted

Im the story the writer hates the most

Im the book searching desperately for an ending

For a close

You're the person who wants it to go on

But a book cant go on forever

"Oh my fine!" Yeah please excuse me while I go did through my mother's medicine cabinet to collect pills and stick a pencil sharpener into my leg.