🌹 A Flower For Everyone Not Feeling Their Best Today

I've regressed a lot lately so I wanted to do a couple things

My name is: Chaoss

Please call me: Axle, Chaoss, Apollo

I'm from the United States

My birthday is August 12th 2004

I think of myself as cute but crazy

I'm into drawing, anything arts and craftsy

I love reading

I'm good at art

I usually spend my time on Amino roleplaying, reading smut books, or watching YouTube shorts

My Favorites

Emoji

🥺 or 🙄

Food

Ice cream, usually chocolate or strawberry ice cream

Animal

Cats or foxes

Game

Hide and seek

Anime

Black Butler or Diabolik Lovers

Character

Kanato or Alois

Youtube

Layze

Artist

Confidence moment ✨ Myself ✨

Colour

Pastel Pink, Lavender, Baby Blue, and Black.

Lies Hidden on the Inside

You see that I smile 

You see that I cry

You see that I'm calm on the outside

But you don't know me.

You would know me if…

You knew how loud I scream inside

You knew how I hide that anger, scared to black out

You knew how my mum manipulated me, made me scared to let out that volcanic eruption of rage.

You see that I wear the clothes that I love

You see that I cry when I hurt my friends and family 

You see that I keep “bad” feelings inside

But you don't know me.

You would know me if you took a second to look in my eyes, at the emotion hidden inside, to feel the anger and rage boiling up inside like a kettle, water almost reaching the top. 

You would know me if…

you let me trust you enough to let you in

You would know me

But you don't. 

You don't know how I worry about my body, I hate the way I look, because my dad called me a slut.

You don't know how I forced myself to throw up because as a kid I was obese.

You don't know how I wasn't even allowed to hate because “hate is a strong word” so instead I said I “strongly disliked” someone or something instead. I felt too anxious to even feel my emotions fully because what if my family got upset about it because GOD FORBID I feel any emotion aside from happiness. 

You don't know how I've had to learn to gauge people's emotions so I didn't get hurt.

You don't know how I was raped 4 times and none of them got caught because obviously they're “mentally younger” than me so I'd get in trouble, not them. 

You don't know how everyday for years I cut just to feel something other than pain. 

You don't know me and I hope you never do.

I hope you never figure out my “lies hidden on the inside.” 

ANONYMOUS PDA MEME

💖: i have a romantic crush on you!

💜: i want to make sure you’re happy

💙: i have a friend crush on you!

💚: im a little jealous of you

💛: i just think you’re cute!

💘: i wouldnt say no to a platonic marriage

👀: im too shy to talk to you

💗: i want to give you a hug!

💋: i want to kiss you!

💪: id fight someone if they talked shit about you

🔊: im really glad i started following you!

💬: we should talk more!

💭: i think about you a lot

👏: everything you say is great wtf…

🎧: you have excellent music taste!

👑: your blog aesthetic is lovely!

🚨: you intimidate me

I thought the best feeling was a cup of coffee and a perfect husband in the morning or breakfast in bed. I think now that the perfect feeling is having your child who's been in DCFS custody for months asleep in their pack n play while your getting cuddles from a perfect partner. He might not be completely perfect but he's mine. ❤️ My babygirl is in her pack n play, sleeping, she just woke up for 10 minutes and I rocked her back to sleep, she's in the living room and currently so are we as we went to my mum's for 5 days while our friend and their partner house sat for us because they're cool like that so we pulled out mattress from the bedroom and put it in the living room but I decided I like it there until I'm comfortable leaving my daughter in another room by herself, which won't be for a while. I love my babygirl and my husband, they're my Beautiful Things.

No no no, I'm not afraid to say that I'M bitchy until I'VE had my coffee and will probably snap because YOU'RE annoying me and I can't take the headache until I've had my coffee.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU VOTE!

I don't think people understand the hype for going to sleep in an ice cold room while naked with your person. Their warm body against yours as they rub your back or you rub theirs, their leg between yours and yours between theirs. The feeling of safety wrapped in each other's arms.

My dom is going to be staying with me for a couple weeks at my new apartment until my baby girl is born and we are both very sexual people with multiple personalities. Some of the alters we have are Asexual so we're not gonna constantly be turned on, one of us might while the other is, etc.... He started staying last night and we tried to have sex for the first time but I'm too damn tight and I don't have enough natural lubricant in my vagina so it was difficult, although I will say I feel bad for the floor that got drooled on and the wall that had scratches from my nails digging into it because I couldn't reach anything else.

I have multiple personalities and I can draw them as pictures pop up in my head thinking about each one, this is Winterneko, she's more of a cat, kind of where my pet space stems, another one is Shadowneko who basically acts like her sister and is a polar opposite of Winter. Winter loves the sun and lounging in it where Shadow absolutely loves the snow. Then there's Atlas who is our protector, they only come out when I'm too drained or angry so we don't lose our shit, she's protected our husband as well a few hundred times, he can fight but we prefer him to not. Then there's me, Apollo, I'm more of the main alter but we also have dead name who locks themselves in a box so they don't go psycho on others. I'm more of an empath, Atlas is an energy vampire blocker, she doesn't get affected by other negative empaths, Winter gives off calm, positive, and safe energy, Shadow gives off more of a fuck off vibe.

Getting fucked so hard you cramp is painful but fun. My daddy and I finally have a place to live, we have a nice new apartment, and it's a lot bigger than our old one, like aloooooot, it still has only one bedroom but it's better by a long shot. Our tub is bigger than a normal one, there's a Jacuzzi and a pool that are also 2× bigger than normal pools and jacuzzis, our tub has a shelf connected in it. I'm so happy. It's a lot less stressful than our other one where I literally had a kid ask me "can I smack your ass?" When he looked like he was 10. That shit ain't okay, I haven't had any issues with people here, other than the fact my fiance accidentally hit a kid with a door to the outside world on Friday night.

We've fucked twice already, Saturday and today, and I told him that after I shave my pubic hair, I want him to eat me out. I had to safe word for either the first or second time in our entire relationship, things got a little too rough and I honestly felt so bad but he assured me that it's good that I safe worded and that he was proud of me for using it and for taking so much. 🥺🩷🖤 I love him so much

Being a switch is fun, especially when you switch on your partner who is usually more dominant and they start becoming a bit submissive, though you probably didn't mean to switch.

Hehehehe, I surprised my Dom, he needed help but I didn't know what and all I saw was his boner so I started to help and it surprised him alot. It was very fun. "You said help, what were you expecting??" "Ion know but it wasn't that" 😝