Cainisss - 😔

I’ll let you in on a secret.

It’s exhausting to be this kind and caring.

It’s exhausting to always go out of your way for other people.

It’s tiring to always be the one who makes sure that others are doing okay.

It’s hard to be everyone’s shoulder to cry on.

It’s mentally draining to listen to everyone’s problems and hearing the same stories over and over again.

But it’s not exhausting because I’m faking to be kind and caring.

It’s exhausting because no one ever thinks that maybe I, for once, need to be the one who feels cared for.

It’s tiring because no one ever feels the need to go out of their way for me.

It’s hard because no one feels like they need to make sure I’m okay, because they simply assume that I must be fine seeing as I’m handling other people’s problems so well.

It’s exhausting because my soul needs healing too sometimes, and it seems there is no one who wants to provide some love. It’s as though they don’t see that I, too, struggle with life and its ups and downs.

Maybe it’s my fault though? Maybe I am painting a picture of a perfect life? I may not be faking my kindness and caring nature but maybe I am faking how much I really have it all together?

But I quite like the illusion of having it all together. Do you see the problem?

- e.s. // secrets.

‎يا رب، استبدل حز نيء جميل‬

Oh Lord, replace my sadness with something beautiful.‬

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

"My God, I am truly in great need of any good that You might send down to me." {Quran - 28:24}