I’ll Let You In On A Secret.

I’ll let you in on a secret.

It’s exhausting to be this kind and caring.

It’s exhausting to always go out of your way for other people.

It’s tiring to always be the one who makes sure that others are doing okay.

It’s hard to be everyone’s shoulder to cry on.

It’s mentally draining to listen to everyone’s problems and hearing the same stories over and over again.

But it’s not exhausting because I’m faking to be kind and caring.

It’s exhausting because no one ever thinks that maybe I, for once, need to be the one who feels cared for.

It’s tiring because no one ever feels the need to go out of their way for me.

It’s hard because no one feels like they need to make sure I’m okay, because they simply assume that I must be fine seeing as I’m handling other people’s problems so well.

It’s exhausting because my soul needs healing too sometimes, and it seems there is no one who wants to provide some love. It’s as though they don’t see that I, too, struggle with life and its ups and downs.

Maybe it’s my fault though? Maybe I am painting a picture of a perfect life? I may not be faking my kindness and caring nature but maybe I am faking how much I really have it all together?

But I quite like the illusion of having it all together. Do you see the problem?

- e.s. // secrets.

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3 years ago

Terpaksa simpan apa yang aku rasa. Sayang dan cinta tak semestinya memiliki. Penat sakit sedih kecewa, is this how it ends….

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4 years ago

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(25/12/2021) 04/01/2022 - 10 days after last time hugged her

Still can’t stop thinking about you… i miss you….

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cainisss

3 years ago

(25/12/2021) 05/01/2022 - 11 days after last time hugged her

What should i do ?? Why you always on my mind ?? Why is it so hard ??

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4 years ago

“Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.”

— Maya Weston

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4 years ago

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cainisss

4 years ago

Baru je habis test tadi and presentation petang tadi and i still have dua lah reports , project report and assignment to submit . Letihnya sem ni . Tbh it is sad that no matter how tired i am , how give up i am there’s no one to bring me back up like before . Takde tempat nak mengeluh nak luahkan betapa penat nya sem ni . It sucks that you are not here with me anymore . Semalam lepas siap buat slide , im too tired and i think i miss you the most last night . Selalu penat penat boleh text or call you and semua penat tu will just disappear but now semua pendam . Sedih semua benda sorang sorang huhu . Kawan ke family ke , they will never understand me like you did . But that’s all are in the past now , there’s nothing we can do about it . The main reason i post this is just to say that how much i miss you , i need you . All the memories of us together , tak dapat i lupakan . Wishing the best for you and to never let that smile fade away , you have the most beautiful smile . Takecare farhanah ❤️

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cainisss

4 years ago

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cainisss

3 years ago

(25/12/2021) 29/12/2021 - 4 days after hugging her the last time

I still love her even more than back then. She didn’t know this, she always thought i didn’t love her that much. But she’s wrong. I have always love her all my heart since day 1 we are together.

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