I'm actually a fucking terrible person i literally deserve to die. I deserve every single cut and scar and I deserve to bleed out one of these times. I deserve every terrible thing thats happened to me and i deserve every horrible thing thats about to happen
Slit your wrist, cut your thighs
Fake a smile, and dry your eyes
Hate yourself, and hate your life
Welcome, to my world of lies
I went back because "i missed them". What i really went back for was to see if it was the same without me. I just wanted to see if they were the same without me. Not surprisingly, they were better without me. It also made me realize i was also better without them. Its wierd how just one person can change things so much. I love them, and i know they love me, but we were never made for each other. It really sucks, but its unfortunately true.
Im in one of the worst places mentally that I've ever been in. I don't understand what I did wrong. Why did he stop answering my texts and leave me on read for days??? Why only now after only a week hit me up again and think I'll just come back to you? I probably will but that's not the point. If I just disappeared... Would you even notice? You wouldnt care... I know, because I've been gone for months and you haven't even noticed. It's all too much for me... Fuck.
He broke me so many times, but for some reason i'm only at peace when im with him
- i know this will end horribly, but im out of here soon anyways...
- i really just wish i never found out. That i can just be oblivious, but happy.
I had a family, once. Then i fucked up and things were never the same.
- the funny thing is, i don't take it back. Im happier alone, and i think that scares me more...
Im suprised I made it this far without bingeing. I ate about 400 calories. I feel starving but full. The only thing us now i cant sleep...
I really tried to make this work, and I hope you know that...
It took me so long. I tried to stop loving him. I really tried. It took me so long. I couldnt go a day without thinking about him. Even after all the heartache, even after he broke me to my very core. But then i finally did it. I went a day worhout thinking about him. About the pain and heartache i felt. I was truly happy... if it were a thing. Then came the fall shortly after. Then new problems arose, and new people, just coming in and out as they please. But none hurt like him. None could ever match up to the pain he caused me.
I knew it was too good to be true. I just knew i couldnt be happy for long.