— Fernando Pessoa , From “The Book Of Disquiet.”

The tention between the desire of being invisible and being seen by everyone.

It shouldn't be humanly possible to feel this low and alone.

me: *does a little twirl* *blows a kiss* *throws up a peace sign* *turns on my heel*

that was for you, babes ;)

the strangers watching me through my phone camera: …

the eyes in the walls: …

my sentient mirror reflection: …

You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

Depersonalisation: Rambling #18

21st April 2022, 21:29

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly weird. When I climbed out of bed, my feet were not my own. They seemed so far away from me. When I looked at my hands, they looked like hands I had never seen before. I tried to use the bathroom, but I felt like I was driving a car. I was inside my skull and watching the world around me on a movie screen. Everything was out of place and foreign. I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing. Strangely, I felt like I was floating. People call this depersonalisation. I guess that is what I was feeling, but it’s the strongest I’ve ever felt it. I truly didn’t feel like I was attached to my body. I felt robotic, like a sim being controlled in-game. It was nauseating. My problem is, though, is why does this happen? It has to happen for a reason. Am I having a moment of clarity? A blip in the system? Am I experiencing who I truly am? Was this body ever really mine? Or was this body given to me? I don’t remember becoming who I am today. I just arrived. Who am I?

~ 化け猫 (Bakeneko)

sometimes i just get sad because i caused permanent damage to my body and no matter how much i recovery mentally it'll always be there as a reminder 💀

The only thing I'm good at is destroying myself