I Could Have A Knife In My Back And The First Thing I'd Do Is Make Sure You're Okay

little update

I started a water fast for the week to drop a few pounds right, so i was only drinking water, taking my daily vitamins, and having a few strawberries. But that couldn't keep up with my body and what i was doing, so while i was at a carnival with my boyfriend and some of our friends, i ended up fainting at one point then getting insanely nauseous. Which honestly in the long run helped me get out of eating at the carnival because theres really no way of seeing how many calories are in carnival food, so win lose i guess. i feel bad because i worried my boyfriend over nothing, all he asked of me was that i took a little break for the rest if the day from my fast to eat some fruit and sip on a juice box. At the most i think that was about 25 extra calories and seeing as I've barely been hitting my calorie restriction (which is 500) and at the time i was only at 85, i think it was ok to take a break for the moment. Ill be back at it tomorrow though.

I love going on late night drives with my roommate :3

It gives me a chance to think

ITS BACK!

There’s so much to unpack here:

Pack of Beakers

Goth Beaker

The Beaker snitching and pointing out the photographer

The Beaker that’s about to unload on the photographer

The terminator strut before the ass whooping and you know he’s moving at speed because of the blur

The ominous feeling that you know this is 3 in the morning

iegiuaehruiogh

who knew that waiting till the last minute to do over 4 assignments for a class was a bad idea... me :| haha kill me lol

I want to be someone’s favourite PLEASE

Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please

switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭

the ultimate winter experience

Born to be clingy and obsessive, forced to be cool and nonchalant about things

life update

over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.

ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.

its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.

my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.

I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.

this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.

everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.

I know I'm unlovable, I just sometimes like to pretend that I'm not