The Ultimate Winter Experience

i want to get my shit together so badly

i also want to just give up

active ana blogs jan&feb reblog plz

I need more ana moots

switching from fine to depressed and/or near suicidal like a traffic light 😭

life update

over the past few weeks a lot has happened that I haven't talked about on here. to sum it up there's this man that's been stalking me since November and my college is doing next to nothing about it.

ive been to a fuck ton of meetings about it and I had one today where someone finally took me seriously about how this guy is not a student but instead a guy that's old enough to be my father. he knows where I live and just stands across the Road or paces by the door waiting.

its creepy as fuck and has left me feeling unsafe and like im being watched all the time. im terrified of walking by myself and im jumpy no matter what.

my friends are mostly being people that I can lean on but just today a close friend of mine has told be to not keep them updated and that they don't care. it might be an extreme reaction, but when things like this happen I block their number for a bit to give people space and to take a step back.

I want to continue being active on Tumblr but everything is getting to me and im honestly this close to deleting all of my socials and not talking to anyone on my campus. this on top of my eating disorder is not going well at all. im In a constant state of binging and then purging it all from worry and then I starve for 3 days and then I repeat the fucking cycle all while going to classes and meetings with the head of our campus security. it wasn't until today that I fully told my boyfriend what's been going on because I didn't want to admit that im being stalked as that would make it seem more real.

this on top of the state of the us is making me really debate why im still here. I might have stopped being super suicidal, but the urge to slit my wrists is coming back super strong. ive even started writing in my old journal about it while also drawing out how I have been feeling in it.

everything is getting to be too much for me and I want it all to end immediately. I NEED it to end before I end it all once and for all guys.

mini mood board 4 inspired bc idk why but i cannot fucking. stop. eating.

all i think about is my weight and the wanting to lose, but i am stuck maintaining and ending up in binges.

i need to be smaller. i have to. i’ve been working so hard why am i messing this up??

ok so, my second semester of college starts soon, and im already starting it off in a bad mental state. I got an email saying that im being placed on academic probation :/

im thinking about posting about how my days go a little bit more and what it's like trying to get off of that probation.

"You need to relax"

Best I can do is dissociate

I did my best to be lovable.

I know I'm unlovable, I just sometimes like to pretend that I'm not

idk

sometimes it’s nice to have an equally disorders roommate, we understand each other’s struggles. Tn we decided to go on a night drive and to stay up all night to cope with everything going on in the world. I think we will be out till about 1 ish