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For frustrated WWE Fans...

Indy wrestling is IMO the best it’s been in years, and there’s plenty of great promotions that offer quality matches and story telling. Some of these links are paid subscription services but I believe they’re worth the investment or at the very least, a trial. Also some of the YouTube pages are unavailable outside of the US but a proxy should work. 

PROGRESS: https://demandprogress.pivotshare.com/ + https://www.youtube.com/user/progresswrestling

What Culture Pro Wrestling: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAl6NLC0tnubiCMzYXawG3g

Ring Of Honour: https://www.youtube.com/user/ringofhonor + http://www.rohwrestling.com/membership

New Japan: http://njpwworld.com/ + https://www.youtube.com/user/NJPW

Lucha Underground: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaVwpbqM8dkhQvbL8XileAA

Shimmer: http://shimmerwrestling.blogspot.co.nz/p/dvds.html

PWG: http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com/merch/

World Wresting Network (streams Evolve, Shine, Dragon Gate): http://wwnlive.com/

There is more to wrestling than WWE, and I wanted to share some alternatives as I know being a WWE fan can be so frustrating. Give indy wrestling a chance in 2017.

Please feel free to add to this.

Torn...

When I think of that song. I immediately think of One Direction. I know that they did a cover of Natalie Imbruglia's song, but I still love their version to bits. I was a huge One Direction fan. I still listen to some of their songs like "Perfect" and "Infinity", I still wear my hoodie from their concert. I even listen tonsome of the musid they have made as solo artists ("Miss You" by Louis Tomlinson is amazing). But that's not the focus of this post.

So recently I made up my mind and I decided to let go. I had let go of Leonard, of everything around him and that whole situation he was going through. I was happy. I was happy to let go and move on with my life. Somehow, he always just knows. He knows when I'm happy and need to move on, because today he sent me a text, he's happy apparently. Things are starting to sort themselves out, but he wants to fix things with his friends. Starting with me apparently...

So now I am torn. I just started getting over everything and moving on. I was starting to accept things as they are and life was great, then this happened...

I have two options here. I can work things out with him and risk everything. Meaning I can fix things with him, but that would also mean risking my sanity and my feelings. I just don't want to get hurt again. I really don't. It was bad enough last year.

Or, I can tell him to shove it and move on with my life. I mean, he even admitted that if we try and fix things, I'm hardly ever going to see him, he just said "But we'll talk". I dunno. I mean that doesn't really seem like he's going to put any effort into building our friendship again...

So now I am torn. I want to fix things, because I really missed having a best friend. But I don't know if it's worth it getting close to someone again if there is a possibility of getting hurt again...

Depression is an ocean and sometimes people just don’t know how to swim.

(via mypenleaksiridescence)

Learning More About Myself

Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is that someone can mean the whole world to you, but you will never be that important to that person.

So, I am a Cancer, an aquatic star sign. We are known for being caring, to the extent of motherly. My emotions are also heightened. When I feel things, I feel them to the extreme. I also get attached to people really easily and crushes don't really feel like crushes, they feel like a messed up form of love. Unfortunately I also feel things like hate, anger, disappointment and depression to the extremes. That's why, if someone is important to me, I try to put them at the top of my list. I will do almost anything for them.

This is what makes things difficult. I will put people first in my life, do anything to help them and avoid fighting with them, but when I was younger, sometimes this wouldn't work, and I would get angry and sometimes, thankfully not a lot of times, this would turn into a small fit of violence. I say small because it would be a storm out with a slamming door or one punch, or a slap and then it's done.

I kind of feel like this turned into calamitous relationships as I grew up. I would have friends that would end up leaving me or kicking me out of their groups in high school because I was either too shy or too loud. My relationship with my family was worsening as I started to fall into a depressive state. Things with friends in school started to feel so uncertain all the time and to make it worse, I had had my heart broken for the first time by some douchebag I knew and had a crush on in primary school. He knew this and in high school took advantage of it. He told me he wanted to be my boyfriend, but we only ever had an online relationship. (I went to an all girls high school) So I never considered it my first real relationship or him as my first real boyfriend. We "broke up" because he hated that he never saw me. About a month or so later he wanted to try again, but the very next day told me his ex-girlfriend wanted him back and dumped me.

This started a long journey of depression, self harm and an extensive search for affection from the male species. I guess that search started a long time ago though. I mean, I spoke a lot about how my dad kind of isolated himself from me and stuff...

So you can say I kind of have parent issues. I never really had a mom. I mean I only knew her for about nine years of my life. She was rock for those nine years. After she passed on, my sister tried to be the mother figure in my life. When my dad isolated himself from us, my brother was there to fill the gap. My brother and sister are also a lot older than me. 11 years and 7 years respectively. This helped the process as they were old enough to take me to doctors and fill out the paperwork or sign my homework books and write me sick notes. They would drive me wherever I needed to go and buy me whatever I needed. They were pretty much my parents for most of my childhood and teenage life. Without them I have no idea where I would be right now.

It was hard, I didn't have a mom. I had a dad who who gave up on being my dad and then a brother and a sister who tried their best to fill the gap... But I think things were also harder because I didn't really know how to talk to people about things. I still don't know how to talk to people about things. Even though I trust tons of people, I constantly feel like if I tell them things, they'll give up on me or judge me. It's too hard and it feels too risky.

There are things about myself that I am certain about:

1. I find it very hard to tell people anything.

2. I hate relying on other people and asking for favours (Unless they are my family), sometimes I'm even to shy to ask someone for directions in a mall...

3. I get attached to people really easily. This also means I am hurt by people easily.

4. I struggle to understand my place in people's lives. When someone is really important to me, I make sure they are happy. But then I also assume that I am important to them and expect to be treated as I treat them. Obviously other people won't... Also, just because they are important to me does not meaan I am important to them.

5. I feel things really deeply.

I'm just waiting for the day when just being me is enough for someone...

I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.

Voltaire (via quotemadness)

I don’t know if you ever loved me. I don’t know if the late night drives and hands held meant anything to you. But I like to think they did. I like to think that a tiny smile formed on your face when you imagined the way we laughed together. I like to believe that whenever you felt sad and alone, I was the one who made you feel whole again. Because that’s what you did for me. Without ever knowing it you were making my life better. So even if you never loved me like I loved you, I hope that I still made your life better too.

(via ifthenightcouldtalk)

“There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realise there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.”

— Zayn Malik