A Chip In The Dip

Speed Of Light Thoughts

Numb fingertips

Heart of hell

The wind doing flips

Finally

The darkness turning into burning light

I don’t like it with the sun

I need to live on the dark side of the planet

I've got a word stuck in my head and it weighs a ton

It can’t be taken away with any of the elements of the earth

Fire, air, earth, and rain have nothing on me

It’s attached to my life

If you unstick it from me, you'll be handing me over to death

Such strife

I don’t know what it is anymore

Thoughts going at the speed of light

I can't see them

Or catch them

There isn’t a stem

I wish I was sober

I'm lost in the fog

The fog you can't escape

I try to run out of it

Without something to stick to it is as foggy as scotch tape

An agenda wet with water molecules

Lightning thoughts tire the storm

The storm gets lost in my fog; it's thick

How do you plan on finding me, when I don't know where I am?

How are you going to get me out of this brick?

I want to feel my fingertips, have my heart be free, and have the wind die down

I want to hear my thoughts and have the enigma of the ride

A Walk To The Park

Leaves and stones 

Leaves and stones

Leave me alone

Weeds and side walks

Weeds and side walks

I don't want to talk

Sky and trees

Sky and trees

Where are the bees?

Lines and tar

Lines and tar

I'm feeling less than par

Swings and slides

Swings and slides

Up and down like life's tides

Woods and lampposts

Woods and lampposts

I'm starting to turn back into a ghost

Coolness and bare branches

Coolness and bare branches

Trees losing leaves like I'm losing my chances...

The fire is lit

The fire is lit

And I can't help it

Situation Impossible

Just wishing and hoping ain't gonna do nothing

It’ll just make it worse

But I do it anyway because I'm cursed

  Desire equals suffering

So don’t wait and hope

Before you open your big mouth you might as well fill it with soap

  If I desire not to desire anything that’s a desire

I love you but I can't fully have you

What am I supposed to do?

  I can't win with fire

The things I wish I could tell

I want you to just know why I may not be so well

  When should I stop having just a spark of hope?

It's 1 in the morning

And I'm mourning

  I'm beginning to realize that enough is enough, no more of this nope!

I think about you a bunch

I probably never even cross your mind from time to time ever much

  You are only somewhat removed

Now it's 1:08

And you are what I now hate

  Out of my life my safe person always moves

I need someone like you

I can't really tell you but I wish and hope that you knew

  I feel like puking I don’t want to be seen

Needing you so much I'm sick

This sickness cannot be fixed with vicks

  1:13

By the minute I'm getting older

You are warm and I don’t think I can get much colder

  Wishing waiting and hoping

In this situation it is impossible

I'm so sick I need the hospital

  I don’t know what I'm thinking, I have to find a new way of coping

1:21

Thinking about you I should be done

In The Eye Of The Storm

I'm in the eye of the storm

It’s a nice break but I know it’s not over

The forecast shows another month of hell

In my brain that might not go over very well

It could become deformed

Rain will grow a green four leaf clover

Clear blue skies

And because of them, sometimes my heart dies

I don’t know the next time I’ll meet the sun again

I don’t care how long the storm is, I'm not going to stop

The odds I have to beat

It’s not easy at all stuck in the heat

The whispers of wind from way back when,

My jaw didn’t pop

When I could think freely without stress

Back when I didn’t know what made a mess

But it wasn’t great back then either

When my future comes I have to keep in mind that I can’t control what others think

Let them think whatever the hell they want

Let us be stupidly nonchalant

Dark clouds and rainstorms neither

Are the things that make you stink

Don’t believe in staying inside on rainy days

I don’t need the sun’s praise

I feel anxious for what my future could hold

I have grit

How will I make it much longer?

How much farther do I have to go?

I want to see books getting sold

Between a rock and a hard place I do not want to sit

I'm in the eye

And that gives me some time to think

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

Tick Tock

The time is ticking down

Ever wonder when you'll be buried in the kind ground?

Never knowing the complex answers,

To simple questions

How do you see, how do others see your reflection? Would you want to know your time?

What if it was after reading this very line?

How would you want to do?

I don't want to be forgotten

This world is rotten I desperately want to leave a good mark

Stardust going back to dark

Matter is neither created nor destroyed

Humans going back to blank

But this last time your aunt stank Earth magic

Turning people's lives into tragic

This world takes all back home

Tick tock

Are you friends or are you fighting the clock? Some can't wait

Others believe that they don't deserve the white gate

Poor nonbelievers

They take the tick tock truth how it is

That's why we miss

You're On My Mind

I can’t sleep with the thought of you on weighing on my mind

I want to fast forward, you want to rewind

I hate how you were so kind

I want to see how this works out

You're too heavy and I'm not strong

My mind isn't where you belong

It just feels so wrong

I'm too scared to move you to my heart

It’s 6:28

I'm wishing you were at my gate

Most people consider this early but for me it’s late

I haven’t slept at all

Before I snuck out for some cold water

At skateboarding you almost taught her

When she falls, you better catch her

High school loves very infrequently last

Every night you keep me up

Never asking, “supp?”

No more cold water in the cup

I don’t look up to you

I'm not terribly trusting of this

You are something I don’t like to miss

Cold water gone, this love seems slightly amiss

The dog is barking, roosters crowing

I want sleep

I want my internet creep

But thoughts of you, I still keep

Will you love me?

Underdogs

Hey now,

What happened to being proud of being an underdog?

What happened to wearing the pain like a badge of honor?

The only badge I’ll get to wear

Because I am not smart

I've just gotten really good at faking

And faking gets you nowhere

That’s why I'm now here,

In this damned place for public humiliation and I'm supposed to be grateful

Hey now,

Let’s bare our teeth

We make it by the skin of them

There's nothing quite like an artist’s pain,

The heart trying to leave the body through the throat

You know it’s bad when your own heart wants out

It rips itself from the chest

As if it were merely attacked with Velcro

Weak

Hey now,

We don’t play horribly safe

But risks and gambling are the only way we can live with ourselves

And we never fucking learn

Making the same mistakes

As if we were geniuses in our tattered shoes

We continue on living like we knew something else ought to happen

Fools is what we are

And we’re too damned stubborn to change our ways

Hey now,

Sometimes you get to taste the sea on your salty lips, 

And they can’t

This whole place is friggin rigged

Just deport me already

I know too much,

Of depression

Because I became so lonely

Without something, anything

Hey now,

Where are the others?

Now is our time to join

To stop the artists’ creative pain

And stupidity

Of thinking that writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing,

Is going to stop it

Like staying up late working overtime for free,

Is going to get you anywhere

Hey now,

There’s supposedly baseball stadiums full of you

Who stay home to avoid getting bullied

If adults think that your education is so important

Then why do they make you feel so bad?

Hypocrites!

Guys stay home,

The lessons they teach in school

Have only taught me to hate myself

Hey now,

Let’s not become our own bullies

Let’s just do something

Like raise hell

Gotta fuck up this world some more

Because apparently leaving without making a mark, isn’t good

But as underdogs

We are stuck wearing choke chains

And muzzles

Hey now,

Class E is a proud class

Full of assassins

Let’s be like them

Get disappointed

Then build yourself up

Don’t let brick walls stop you

Don’t let gravity get you down

And don’t let tornadoes twist and turn you into a hot mess

Hey now,

They don’t know our pain,

Of working hard for nothing But as underdogs we are the people that keep coming, we’re the people that live

They don’t know about the ghost

The ghost of good ‘ol Tom Joad 

Friend

I know you are hurting

You're like me, you're searching

You say you've been hurt before,

But I won't walk out the door

If you wish to, you'll open up,

But I won't push

A door that can only be opened from

the inside

Instead, I sit here,

With you, and near,

And

Simply

Be your friend My good friend wrote this to me!  Surprise!