Summer has helped me almost fully recover
From being brainwashed
I almost lost me
But
I'm back to dreaming
About shoeshine and smiles
Back to the taste of salty sunflower seeds
Back to the smell of chives
Back to fires
And stars
Back to believing that shoeshine and smiles
Have more value than the realists could ever understand
Back to almost being able to feel the child in me playing
As if responsibilities and time do not exist
Back to smelling sunscreen and sweat
And loving it
Back to laying in cool grass
While staring up at the clouds
Back to feeling a little bit lonely in a unique way
In a Stargirl sort of way
Back to being as chill as
A flower girl
Living barefoot
Is the way it should be
Watching plants grow and cheering them out of the dirt
Bare, raw emotions bursting out of us like our acne
Warm sun feeling so good on your skin
Dreaming sweet dreams
All the while never wanting to sleep because life is more interesting
And secretly believing in the magic of shoeshine, smiles and the healing of summer
Filthy skin
I'm itching
To be an orphan
I'm waiting for lives to be gone
By then I'll be old
I'll be too late
I'm a failure either way
I need it badly
It's stuck on me
It has ruined me many times before
So I must go off to battle
See you long
Hidden secrecy
Private
Not stolen
My head is free unlike any words trapped on paper Memories run wild,
Fading
Should I let them slip,
Away?
I'm stuck in a lazy jail cell
I can't dig my way out in rhythm
If I could I'd still be stuck,
In an unfortunate life
I keep telling myself it's not going to happen
I already had my hopes set on fire
They're ashes of reality now
Oh reality...
Looking back I realize that
With the great irony
They were exactly what they warned us about
I made it out
By hiding my emotion
So no one had any idea what I was actually thinking
The last time
Tasted unusual
Playing like a surreal movie in my head
Walking into the arms
Of the people
They told me rumors about and yet I'm now doing better than I ever have
I'm here
Knocking down the walls
That held in so many peoples stories that I had no idea about
The hard look
I got with my degree
Made me want to scream but, man, too bad we never did
I tell you not to
But I can’t truly stop you
I hope you realize that I'm trying
I'm not lying
I want to teach you how to fight
With all your might
Don’t let the inside voices take over
You’re my four leaf clover
You can do this
Sorry my advice might be amiss
You are strong
No I'm not wrong
I can see it in you
This you can get through
I'm always here
You are going to have to face the mirror
That I know you hate
You might want to pay more attention to your gait
You can tell a lot about a person just by looking at the way they walk
Don’t let those voices talk
Duck tape
Just anything so you can escape
You I believe in
You have my special mocking jay pin
Trust me I know what it’s like
That long, lonely, dark hike
I'm having my own problems too
I've got you
Please don’t leave
When you do I greave
How I want to save you, Kim
But I'm just too weak to go out on that extra shaky limb
I believe that, that battle is yours
You'll find the other doors
People all say that we’re safe and sound
But our little worlds go round and round
Don’t leave like that
Because then I can’t tell you to look out for that black cat
After that I'm no use
I can’t slip you out of that noose
Just don’t leave
Then there’s nothing to achieve
You are important
At the moment we’re just dormant
But we will someday come alive
Just give it five
Five what? you may ask
Life is sometimes a hard task
But you have me
If you would just believe
Take the leap
Have faith that it isn’t so deep
I beg you just please don’t leave
When I'm happy
Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word
And there will be tons of space
To run free at a great pace
I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized
For just being me
No longer shall my work,
Be torn up by jerks
I won’t feel snappy
And the lines won’t be blurred
I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them
As a flower never give away your stem
There will be boundaries
Because people don’t think I deserve them
Because I'm not of age
And never will be because I'm just baby sage
I stopped dreaming
When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams
And twisting them into something I didn’t want
So I just played off nonchalant
But maybe one day
I’ll find myself…
Petting a german shepherd
While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud
And fall asleep with a tired smile
One that I wore all day
I’ll be able to get lost in a dream
And come up with even crazier schemes
Hey, that's not good enough
Is anything ever good enough
For you?
Well I'm determined to stay tough
Anything I have with you is brutal
Why must you be brutal?
I'm never good enough
You throw people away if they happen to be the opposite of useful
Everyone has a heart
Do you have a heart?
Yours only beats
Oh where to start...
You said you would still love
Why do you pretend to love?
Pretending isn't what a heart does
I am the bothered, dead, dove
You have broken my innocent wings
Why do you inflict pain on my wings?
Then you cut me off with something hurtful
Let me show you what my misspent time with you brings
Then you bring me down
Why do you like to bring me down
Big bully?
You like to stand behind me when I'm in a hospital gown
Your creep is showing
Why do you let it show?
It's wrong
You'll never know
Hey, you have to be more helpful than that
Than that?
Than what?
Well maybe you've gotten too lazy and fat!
"You can contribute here you know"
Do you think that I don't know?
I am only giving you what you deserve
You always have been my foe
Thank goodness I was here because you wouldn't have answered
How do you know that I wouldn't have answered?
You don't know the future, stop assuming
I will never stop dancing because I am a dancer
Hey you, I never see you anymore
How come you don't see me anymore?
Huh. I couldn't imagine why
I'm glad I have finally closed that door
I'm glad I have finally managed to get your foot out of the door
I need to get some locks for the door
A chair just isn't good enough for me
Because you are a persistent, controlling Leo
You make me feel bad about stuff
Not just any ol' stuff
You make me feel handcuffed to a wall
That you come back to just to demean me
Would you be brave enough to do that?
Holding in your words, never would you think about that
I would do whatever I needed to do if I had to
Because I understand the meaning of the words, ya gotta do what ya gotta do
I disappeared for awhile
So if you don’t recognize my name that’s why
Coming and going is sort of my style
(sigh)
If you can’t remember me you once called me deep
I’m basically your mini me, who refuses to go down without a fight
Aka internet creep (kidding)
Poetry is what I like to write
All this time I hope you didn’t have a strange hunch
I see another moon
Then there goes another month
I hope I’ll be able to put words on paper to you soon
You probably think that I fell off the face of the earth
I’m not done existing yet!
Two days we both hate but everyone else loves is the date of our birth
I hate pity so, over me don’t fret
I realize that even gut girl,
Doesn’t have real magic
And can’t save me from my world
I’m slowly breaking free of the chains that have had me trapped, full of rage I have had it
On my team
It’s just you and me
That’s not entirely true to this whole befuddling scheme
I’m not the only one with a forever scraped knee
Will I write back to you before I get old and grey?
For some reason I’m scared
Then before I know it there goes another day
Should I even care?
Writing I have forgotten how
Where is my “brave” voice?
Maybe you could understand this, Meow!
I’m starting to think that braveness is a crazy choice
I haven’t written to you in so long
Will writing to you be my fate?
Too good to be true, someday I bet you’ll be gone
I remind you of your younger self so at least you can strongly relate
For now I don’t think I’m brave enough
To reach you again
My feelings seem to be in cuffs
But even though I haven’t talked to you, I hope that we’re still good friends
You were my fog horn
While my strength was dwindled
Kept me from getting more torn
No more will I get swindled
You understand the weird problems with anxiety
And all of the faking
Sorry you saw me,
When I was breaking
I don’t like rooms with big unspoken elephants
After all there might be a goodish brain in my head
To win the war of hurtful words I must be more intelligent
Moons ago this is what should have been said!
I left brokenhearted
I guess that’s what growing up is like
Even though I never really seem to grow up
And I guess that’s the problem
How do you grow up?
Why do you grow up?
If I can keep it from being my fault
I don’t want to become one with the boring adults
With them, time has run its course and mellowed
Time wears you smooth like sea glass
And it doesn’t stop for anyone, anything
From our minds it can go fast and slow
I don’t want to mellow
I will not fall in love with classical music, I’ll stick with 2CELLOS
Why stop rocking out?
Why stop having sharp edges?
I'm already getting jealous of young age
At the same time being jealous of an older age
But not quite jealous of death,
No, not quite
Is it better than being in pain?
Is it better being lonely?
It’s not very funny
When you run out of living money
I am jealous of how my generation gets put into stereotypes
When they say we’re all going to lose our hearing
Then you ask what type of stereo we like
And I’ll say I don’t like any!
Don’t put us in groups
You seem to like talking in stiff loops
Why should we respect you when you don’t respect us?
Do you think respect is a one way street?
Groups of stupid, lazy, unhealthy
I'm going about to turn the tables; this is actually all your fault
Thanks for handing us our high school diplomas with a nice finishing touch, debt
You could have tried to hand us a nice life
Do you think we are happy in our hellish lives?
Do you think we all fit into one singular standard?
Some of us are working hard so we might have a glimpse at a small chance,
With a lonely, painful, brokenhearted romance
People say that words can’t hurt you
But words can make you dangerously blue
They say that sticks and stones hurt more
But they don’t get that words aren’t a bore
Words have a lot of meaning
Stop the brain cleaning
Why do you think I write poems?
Poems are my home
Sticks and stones may break your bones but they can’t ever hurt your soul
Unless you let them slip through a little hole
Words have a way of sneaking around everyone’s hearts and minds
Too bad you don’t have to pay a fine
Some words hurt like knifes
Don’t let it ruin your life
Words can leave marks,
Scars and painful friction sparks
Other words are kind
Some can blind
You can’t only say I love you to me
You have to not just prove it but make me see
I now don’t trust easily at all
People who I used to trust have made me fall
Not only did they do that they made sure that I heard their laughter
After
I can still hear them in my head
When everyone else is in bed
Sleeping
While I lock myself in my room weeping
Their laughter always growing louder
Why must I cower?
I wish I was strong like everyone else
I just want to be my old self
Everyone says I'm strong but really I'm not
They don’t know I cry a lot
They say I'm strong
But they're wrong
They all think I'm fine
They say that while all they do is shine
I'm just the cloudy, dirty, run down, rusty
Musty…
No one ever wants me
I'm the third wheel all the time, you see
You always tell me someone is worse off than me
Why can’t you just flee?
The laughter is so loud that it is part of the beat of my drum
What have I become?
Why do you enjoy making me feel worthless?
You are careless
The stress
Of always trying to be the best
You’ve made me a mess
I just want to be me
You never hear my pleas
Of just let me be me
I beg you please
Just turn it off
And step off
And you wonder why I don’t tell you anything or even speak at all
I just don’t want to bawl
Stop looking at me with that stupid judging look
I gratefully have unhooked
From you
We’re not stuck like glue
I've lost faith in the human mind
You can’t even be somewhat kind
Words make up the human world
Sometimes they can be bold, twisted and curled
Words hurt more than physical pain
You have a box of permanent letters in your brain
Of all the mean,
Things ever said to you, you're fat, you should be more lean
Some of the letters are signed with your name
Yes you are that lame
You really are your worst enemy
Slowly killing yourself…
Though I am stressed more than a rubber band about to snap
I have you beside me which
Makes me think that I am the luckiest person to live
As I lay here tonight, staring at your back
I realize that you are better
Than any dream I could have ever dreamed
So beautiful I feel like I'm ruining you
You're like a good book
And I'm the gum stuck in between your pages
I will forever be very thankful that you like me
And puzzled
I just can’t comprehend why you would like this piece of abc gum
Maybe I can’t understand because I'm dum
Even though
You would argue with me all day about that
I'm sorry that I sometimes have a habit of staring at you
Its just, goddamn girl
How did you ever fall into me, out of everyone else
I find that I feel so fucking awesome
When my hand is in yours
Whatever mistakes I made that lead me to you I would make over and over again
If it meant that we’d be together
Wherever and
Forever
A bit of white on blue isn't
A tad quite all white
All I see is white
A pure, Christian shade of white A white expanding cloud
A white page
An unknown
Anonymous An
Anxiety
Attack
And a loss of godliness Honestly it became a sharp
Hue of
Hatred
How did it come to this... "Hi" I say to my friend
He says it was a
Hit and run
However I Have to try not to
Hyperventilate through this
Hiccup. Why did this have to
Happen. Now my car has a Scarlet letter, but I am getting
Help to hammer out the dents
I only wish I could have frozen
Time
Hello over there! I love writing poetry. I have a dream of becoming a writer! I hope that my poetry makes you feel like you're not in this world all alone.
225 posts