Fast And Worried

What Happened?

What happened to us?

What's with all the fuss?

How do you not know why you texted her?

My friend said that it wouldn’t be a good idea to get back with you; I concur

I'm afraid to call you an oaf

Since you still have my loaf

I don’t want to call you a nitwit

Even if that word perfectly fits

I don’t want to call you what you still are

To me what you are seems so far

I don’t want to say

You never really loved me all those days

We had, I had plenty of good thoughts

For you, I unfortunately had the wrong timed hots

No matter how badly you want to get back with me

Well now you'll get to feel how I did when I disagreed

It wasn’t a smart thing to do

This love was true

You literally ruined it for your good

You loved her, I understood

Now without you distracting me

I can get a good degree

You now are going to end up all alone

Even if you try to phone

I'm not going back to my heartbreaker

You were my heart taker

You better never say that I never loved

Last time I believed you when you sent your doves

This break up doesn’t really hurt

It will though, just wait for her dirt!

Pages

I don’t know what love is

I just can’t wrap my head around it

Like the size of the universe

Love makes people do crazy things, but it just usually makes me curse

How could you not lose hope and keep lining up shells?

Because of love

I am third wheeling it

And it’s lonely

But not for the lovers, only

They are unconsciously awake

Let’s travel

And get a plane ticket

To a place where our hearts don’t feel heavy with atmosphere

Dear,

Let’s start again

Even if I feel like a spring…

Stressed out

Is how I work

Otherwise

I just sit on my ass instead of taking to the skies

I need to get away to any other place

A new reality where I will not be a sad tragedy

But will have a happily ever after

Filled with much laughter

Because any other place has got to be better  

I currently live in a deep cave of a library, that’s full of empty dreams

I stare at the ceiling as I scream with laryngitis

And I feel the shelves towering over me, all around

I'm a story that someone forgot to put down

And I just want to be put on the shelf

Sometimes it seems like I can see the most clearly when I am blinded by tears

Because that’s when I'm not avoiding my feelings

It’s like I am able to see the lopsided way the world moves

The inner working grooves

That are so complicatingly simple

I wonder not when, but if the pieces will ever fall together

Being the mismatching misfit that I am

I don’t know if I am a puzzle that can be put together; maybe I was made wrong

All along,

A factory mishap

I want you to hold me as close as pages of a book that are bound to the spine

Because maybe

You could force and weld pieces of me together and get readjusted

As I fall apart and become more rusted

Like the tin man  

I have a heart

I just don’t like to let on to that,

It’s actually not stone cold at all

It’s quite the opposite

It’s all mushy and squishy

Not Again

Lost in forever To ever stop loving me you'd say never Then your forever's turned into never's Your endeavors turned into feathers Feathers that floated away When you used to say that you'd stay My smiles went away for miles While I'll burn my files, Of every second I spent thinking about you And every time you stayed for set after school I'll go back to my rules for fools I won't sit in my pity pools of tools People don’t realize that you're spoiled Even though this relationship you burnt and boiled Hun, you have someone who you can go to while you run I'm stuck here without the fun; I don't have anyone to protect me from my own gun The gun you didn't see, You pointed at me If you ever come back you better pack You don’t have the knack of begging on your knee; if you try to your face I will whack I can’t believe I fell for you twice You didn't catch me and now I'm paying the price She never knew or will be able to comprehend the way I loved you You are discluded from my thought stew; it's time for me to make another brew I find this poem shameful It’s also painful I was clever and never said forever I know that nothing lasts forever, not even love, Especially not your love!

Decieved

The world spins too fast

It got pulled out from under me

I'm lost

Stuck in the bitter winter frost

  But the seasons still change

When will my hot summer come?

I deceived

And you believed

  You'll never be able to truly understand

You'll think that I'm crazy

I am not like you, and you are not like me

We are different breeds

  “Next time I’ll dig deeper”

I’ll have to show you…

I don’t like to talk

My head and heart have a special double sided lock

  I can feel that this is going to be torture

I don’t trust easy at all

On my door is a sign

Don’t come in, I'm just fine

  I don’t know why but you I cannot read

I think you are doing that on purpose

“Happy and easygoing”

You’re just unknowing

  It’s confusing

I won’t tell

I just don’t want too

Maybe it’s just because you’re new…

Brother

Dear brother,

Where did you go?

You used to wave at me when I was in the hallway

You used to wave at me when you sat in the gym because I had no friends

But you were there on the bleachers reading

I still wonder in amazement; how did you get your teacher to let you do that?

You used to save me from a teacher who needed to retire

You used to save me before bus 19 left so I'd get on the right one

Do you remember when you'd make me laugh by pretending you were in the circus?

You'd walk on old alcohol barrels,

That were once red, now pink and faded by the sun

Then you went off to college and started a new chapter

I'm sorry I put grass in the pool,

When you told me to stop

I'm sorry I threw a plastic beach basket at your face,

And caused you to get a nose bleed

I'm sorry I screamed at you while I was drawing a picture

You are really good at pushing my big red button that specifically says DO NOT PUSH!

Why must you be a programmer that finds my buttons and knows how to easily access my control panel?

I'm sorry I didn't and couldn’t give you the space you wanted to reach the planets

I'm sorry I kicked and screamed at your closed door

I just wanted to build a snowman

And have fun

I missed you then and I miss you now

Oh Brother, what shall I do?

You know that pathetic hug I gave you?

That's because sometimes I think you don't care about me

I sometimes think when you're in San Francisco California you never think of me

Of how we'd joke we'd run away to Californ-i-a

I’ll Just Be

Do you really want to know what gets me out of bed in the morning?

Fucking lies

I tell myself that I'm okay

But I'm secretly anticipating, and bracing for your goodbyes

How's life?

When my life is good, it's a fake kind of good

But I'm alright

I miss being in the woods where I once stood

Was I really ever there?

I think I was born guilty

Yet I know I'm always fine

My skin is filthy

I can't sleep,

Because of a haunting childhood

I'm seriously okay

I'd give it all up for poetry if I could

I don't want you

It's too late

I'll survive

I'm forced to carry a heavy slate

I secretly enjoy it

This way I'm free

I'm still alive

So for now, as I always am, I'll just be

Fuck It

Never can seem to get it right

I'm giving up on the fight

Fuck it

I’ll just live a poverty stricken life

I'm done with keeping up and steady

I'm not quite ready,

To just fuck it

And live a poverty stricken life

Still falling into the same rhyme,

When life gets frustrating and hard every friggin time

So fuck it

I’ll survive my poverty stricken life

I don’t like having things shoved down my throat

But I never opted for a different route so I’ll have to swim the moat

So fuck it

It’s almost too late to avoid a poverty stricken life

I’ll be rich on alcohol

And famous in my new home, the mall

Fuck this

I don’t want that drunk life

I won’t have to do math,

To know that I'm on a poor path

Fuck everything

I’ll have to survive my poverty stricken life

Get away, get away from me

Because you can stop me from sailing at sea

And sinking into fucking everyone like a real pirate

I’ll have a poverty stricken life with a good view

I’ll ignore all the bottles filled with lost hopes and dreams

Instead I’ll collect them in reams

Because fuck it

I’ll need a way to pass time in my pirate life A life without morals or a plan

I might be able to cheat my way out and find a clan,

Of others who decided to fuck it

And ended up living the poor life, in which everyone thinks you're an idiot

But I didn’t like their ways

And I was too stubborn to get through the tough days

Fuck it

I'm already living the poor life

Was It?

Was it the bread

That got to your head?

Or was it the butter

That made you stutter?

Maybe you think it was the salt

That made it your fault

I know that the berries

Didn't make you marry

But what was your deal

With the oatmeal?

Was the grapefruit too tart?

Maybe it’s why you had to fart

You gave a nickel

For a fried pickle

Maybe the pie

Was the reason that it felt like you were going to die

I mean the honey

Did seem to taste a little funny

Did the steak

Give you a stomach ache?

Was it the chicken soup

That made you have to go poop?

Or was it the icing on the cake

That made your stomach break?

Day Dream

I day dream because I accidentally woke up today

When reality struck noon

I was soon,

Met with what other people say

Being the drama queens that they are

They made a small thing into a big deal

And now I feel

Less than par

I'm also annoyed

With Jay

Because he has a hard time seeing things my way

It seems that he likes to avoid,

Putting himself in my shoes

As I do his

Give us a quiz

And I know who would lose

During school

He was my favorite subject to study

But now he has made my shoes all muddy

He insecurely lives on gender roles like a fool

And it messes with my side

Of knowing that I don’t need a guy

To protect me from my

Nonexistent fear of getting pied

But at the same time of being annoyed

I like being together

All cuddled up in the blankets of bad weather

And a bolt of cuteness you created for me and destroyed

I crave you

And your touch

So much

That I wish I could wear you like and outfit of blue

Its hard to be in love with the earth

When there are so many things wrong with it

Sometimes it just rains shit

And I don’t feel very full of mirth

I daydream like Walter Mitty

Because it makes life way more fun

Than it actually is when you're on the run,

In the ghetto city

Speed Of Light Thoughts

Numb fingertips

Heart of hell

The wind doing flips

Finally

The darkness turning into burning light

I don’t like it with the sun

I need to live on the dark side of the planet

I've got a word stuck in my head and it weighs a ton

It can’t be taken away with any of the elements of the earth

Fire, air, earth, and rain have nothing on me

It’s attached to my life

If you unstick it from me, you'll be handing me over to death

Such strife

I don’t know what it is anymore

Thoughts going at the speed of light

I can't see them

Or catch them

There isn’t a stem

I wish I was sober

I'm lost in the fog

The fog you can't escape

I try to run out of it

Without something to stick to it is as foggy as scotch tape

An agenda wet with water molecules

Lightning thoughts tire the storm

The storm gets lost in my fog; it's thick

How do you plan on finding me, when I don't know where I am?

How are you going to get me out of this brick?

I want to feel my fingertips, have my heart be free, and have the wind die down

I want to hear my thoughts and have the enigma of the ride