Was It?

Thank

Thank you for saving me another night

I now see a little bitty light

At the end of the tunnel

I'm just starting the loooong climb out of the funnel

That drains into the black, empty hole of eternal sadness

My parents just think I'm full of badness

Depression is like a black hole that is always going to be tapping on your shoulder

It makes sure that you know if you trip it will come back and hit like boulder

Maybe you were lying

If you were and I find out, you might find me slowly dying

And sliding back down again

I'm not writing this with a pen

You are my idol

My mom wants me to believe in the bible

But she can’t make me believe in something that I'm not so sure about

This is why I sometimes pout

Well I'm writing this to you so back to it

I love you, I have to admit           

Not in the creepy way

You’ve brought me back to bay

I think that is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me

I'm not kidding, you now have my secret key

I hope you don’t lose it

Please don’t quit

Everyone who has told me they would be there for me, forever

Always ended in a never

I'm slightly scared to love you

I might end up, not just blue but dark blue

It almost seems every time I love someone

I always get shunned

Thanks

For putting some of your spare change in my vacant bank

I've been staring at what you wrote in complete disbelief

I'm as lonely as a shrived up leaf

However, I do have many sides just like you think 

Everyone who only sees the quiet side really needs to blink

Or get better glasses

I hope that their phase passes

This poem has finished quickly

I hope you don’t find it sh*tty

Light Flickering

Light flickering

Reminds me of where I live

It’s annoying

But that’s just how it is

It makes it feel like more of a horror movie

And I know that there are monsters under the bed

I consider it camping

Yet it’s just life

It will carry on even if I can’t see the stars,

Swirling in time

Above my head,

A universe that I cannot touch

My mind

Is a strobe light

And I feel a bit dizzy

It’s a bit too much to take in, again

My heart is light with carbon dioxide

The candle a flickerin within

And I'm scared that

I can smell the smoke of the future

Start New

There comes a time when you should knock the walls down

And start new, just in a reckless attempt to lose the frown

I can’t let go of the unhappy pictures on the wall

I had no choice but to slouch as everyone stood tall

Gravity loves me too much

I can’t let go of the addiction of your love

If only you didn’t have to be beyond and above

You gave me such a hope that will only lead me to failure

I need to just knock it down but I'm not ready

But living with rotting moldy wood could be deadly

There comes a time when you can’t keep replacing the beams

Of your self esteem

Dear, Dear Doctor

Dear, dear doctor,

Do you have anything for a broken heart?

Dear, dear doctor,

It feels like I'm being torn apart Dear, dear doctor,

It's not thumping but it still hurts

Dear dear doctor,

To a different person can you make me convert? I've never been hurt this way before

How dare he walk out the door?

I'm done!

It was never really any fun

Dear, dear doctor,

Keep him away

Dear, dear doctor,

In solitary confinement is where he should stay Dear, dear doctor,

Can you cut off a limb?

Dear, dear doctor,

How do I get my mind off of him?

Similar All The Same

I'm a little punk

A little rebel

I used to be the opposite

But similar all the same

Then I fell in love with something I can't have and my heart sunk

My heart is a devil

The burn causing flame in my brain got lit

The beast of my heart I couldn't tame I used to feel guilt like hell

It had complete control over me

Therefore I had nothing hidden

Dealing with the devil, my guilt was a good idea to sell

I broke free

I became guilty ridden The free rain ran over me and cleaned my obedience away

I broke them damn chains!

I began to hide during the day

Some of my fears I told to go fuck themselves, went down the drain So now I'm everything that screams courage and fearless

Every word that I write helps me to be tearless But I am still similar all the same

Hands

When I put my hands together it didn’t feel right,

Because it’s not your hand that’s in my hold

In the middle of the night,

I am cold

At most

I get to hold your ghost

At the movies we held hands

I thought you'd turn into air between my fingers, that is not something I could stand

I am so attached,

To how we matched

If I told my male guardian about you, he might attack,

And be on my back,

Riding me like a bull, steering me crazy

Get off me; my vision is not hazy

I see the red flags

You give me tightly packed, zipped up, emotional bags

I should take the hint and move on

I’ll take my luggage with me

Put on my big girl shoes and be gone

You'll never see,

You’ve hurt me so many times and I never learn

On you, I can’t place the blame

I still don’t get why you make my stomach churn

What a shame

What I don’t want him to know is that I have a blue jay

If he knew, he’d try to convince my eyes to see that blue jays are mean

I have a bird, isn’t something I'm going to say

I won’t listen because I'm a rebel; towards blue jays I'll lean

I don’t want to stop holding your hand

It feels like sand

Mine are softer than expected

I don’t know about you but I feel connected

Holiday Swirl

I’m so horrible, bad luck doesn’t want a part of me

The crows fly away with the sight of me,

Inscribed in their retinas

I have my own invisible scarlet letter

“S” is the letter

My name…

Blades of grass spear through my shadow

So long ago that girl of a shadow

My 5 o'clock shadow of words

Maybe my writing phase is over

I can’t wake up from a dream when it’s already over

Maybe my blue pen is done kissing the paper

If you were the paper and I was the pen, you’d think I was trying to murder you

I don’t know me, without you

Sometimes I miss my ink

I’m scared my drugs are going to be discontinued

I’m scared my happiness has been discontinued

I used it all up in attempt to hang onto it

Flowers blossoming beautifully to their death

Everything living to its death

Birds singing the song the reaper himself wrote

Words tattooed to my face,

My award losing poker face

Why can’t you see the sadness in my bright eyes?

My depression is the light

Everyone’s happiness is the light

People keep dragging me there

They think they’re helping

Don’t ask me what is helping

Always asking the awful reverse

They think they know what’s best

No one knows best

No not even me

If only they would listen-

And yet, too intently is not how to listen

They never do

Meeting Someone New

Long curvy roads

Cars with heavy loads

Together on the same day

All going different ways

Maybe ours will meet again

And if so when?

Are we done?

Can you give me the sun?

I want to take a road trip

I'll even get aboard a ship

I don't really know you

You're contagious like the flu

You don't think that I have a dark side

I'm ready for the butterflies

The motor of the car

I want to go far

Let me in

Can I see your scraped shin

Motorcycles go whizzing by

Will you reply?

How was your flight?

I'm starting to forget that night

Indiana, you came all the way

Just for a rock climbing day

I could tell that you too are numb

That's where I'm from

You think that I don't have it bad

But I have more scars than you will ever have

So many I've lost count

Much matter the amount?

I have way more than eight

Full is my plate

Friend you are new

And I don't know, how do you do?

Did I come in too strong?

How much longer?

A couple days? A week?

Let me in to take a little peek

I think you're cool

My head sings that I'm a fool

The car jerks to a stop

Out of the car I come out with a hop

In hopes to see you

But you're from Indiana so I should have known, that was the first time you flew

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

Bang Bang

My heart is made of gold

And it's oh so heavy it hurts

With every bang, bang Today

My broken is showing I don't think

I was supposed to be here It's like this isn't my life

I belong in a different one My life is at an advanced placement level

While my brain is at special education level

I'm too sensitive

And too weak They were right

About me after all Bang, Bang