The Nights Drag On

Blue Jay

She comes up to me just because I was alone

Little did she know I had been texting my friend on my phone

She proceeded to ask me a simple question

While on the inside I died and didn’t let out a groan

I was so anxious I almost pissed

What she said I almost missed

She caught me off guard

As I almost failed to answer in my panic she tsked

Why do I get singled out?

I'm not the kind who will pout

I felt like running to guidance

Is it that clear that I don’t belong here?; I have to stop the self doubt

Please stop asking me if this is where I belong because I’ll fucking leave school if you want

My existence alone seems to cause you so much trouble, when all I'm doing is reading my font

I'm minding my business so you should mind yours

Then again you don’t seem to mind just like my uncle and aunt

I wanted to run

With her I'm am so done

She’s an intrusive judge of society

She reminds me of the days my face would feel as hot as the sun

I wanted to fly

But I was stuck under her painful stare and I sure did die

Her voice seemed to flow in a different language

If only I had the life of a newspaper and a house fly

I dreamed of running, running, flying like a blue jay

A little bird is trying to keep me happy without any delay

I feel horrible about being more of a bee

He deserves more of a girlfriend who is in class A

I'm all anxious and my life sucks

I'm trying to stop giving any fucks

I do love how he said something I have always been thinking about this place

You really don’t fall in love the same way twice; so I don’t know, shucks

It’s entirely my fault

That my life has been at a halt

You're going to have so much fun with my stubbornness and my awkwardness

I love how I can’t tell who’s the ocean and who’s the salt

Meeting Someone New

Long curvy roads

Cars with heavy loads

Together on the same day

All going different ways

Maybe ours will meet again

And if so when?

Are we done?

Can you give me the sun?

I want to take a road trip

I'll even get aboard a ship

I don't really know you

You're contagious like the flu

You don't think that I have a dark side

I'm ready for the butterflies

The motor of the car

I want to go far

Let me in

Can I see your scraped shin

Motorcycles go whizzing by

Will you reply?

How was your flight?

I'm starting to forget that night

Indiana, you came all the way

Just for a rock climbing day

I could tell that you too are numb

That's where I'm from

You think that I don't have it bad

But I have more scars than you will ever have

So many I've lost count

Much matter the amount?

I have way more than eight

Full is my plate

Friend you are new

And I don't know, how do you do?

Did I come in too strong?

How much longer?

A couple days? A week?

Let me in to take a little peek

I think you're cool

My head sings that I'm a fool

The car jerks to a stop

Out of the car I come out with a hop

In hopes to see you

But you're from Indiana so I should have known, that was the first time you flew

Hair

I remember when I could run my fingers through my hair

And end up with a concerning amount of hair in my hand

Luckily I have thick hair so it wasn’t noticeable

I didn’t have much control

Over my body and what it was doing

And I felt frustrated over my hair

It turns out that when your body is worried about survival

It will neglect your hair and fingernails

I find it ironic that those two things will appear to grow after you’re dead

Anyways, I remember getting chubby cheeks

From steroids

And I felt ugly for not knowing who I was at 13

Then I grew my hair out really long

Since it seemed like the longer your hair was,

The cooler you were when it came to the strange rules of the popularity of high school girls

I grew my hair and started to feel as if I could hide behind it

As if I could hide my depression behind it and act like it didn’t exist

But I also remember how heavy with water it would get when I showered

So I had the idea of cutting it

Short

And decided to write my own rules for the popularity of misfits

And now my hair is getting longer

In a way I like it and in another I hate it

But what does a girl’s hair mean anyway?

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

I’m Done!

I no longer hope youwould just text me

Have you known the whole time that all of this was to happen?

Fallen out of love is exactly what I have done

Out of the k-i-s-s-i-n-g tree I have run

Of course in the back of my head I knew

Love, I do not miss you

With this relationship, I'm done!

You knew, didn't you?

But I was naive enough to let myself fall

I don’t have a hard time when I see you in the hall

Still, I can’t believe that I got over you

Hope is how I know I can do

You'd better not stay with her or,

Text her and tell her that you love her

Me without you is like a bladder without piss

Like it or not, it doesn't get better than this

You were such a bad boy

Did you never realize that I wasn't just a toy?

With this poem

Alex won't be upset

Missing you

Why is it that when we miss someone we hope they miss us too?

In my life, there was you

I guess that makes you special and worth,

Your mirth

I should get a start on moving on

But the other Saturday

My food looked like puree

My cereal went soggy because I was thinking about you so much

We fell out of a touch,

I don’t think we ever even had

I was smarter before,

Before I walked through the innocence taking, dominating doors

I guess that it might be for the best

I was stuck under a rest

I’ll make accidents but I’ll make them my forte

Softballs put on the ground

No more bats and gloves around

No more eye black

No championship game to give me a happy heart attack

The hunger for the ball in my hand

I miss my old life, like

When the ump. would tell you, you were out on the third strike

Stolen bases

On a regular basis

Red dirt on my clothes, in my lungs

I was so much smarter then

When I didn’t know what it was, time and time again

I still do not

It’s like the pain inside is caught

And I can only try to make the best of it

One Summer Night

One summer night

With my brother

Blowing up balloons and letting them fly

Mom came outside

Time to go inside

Time to take a bath

Time to go to bed

No thanks

She says that I haven’t taken a bath in a few days

She also says I have dirt all over my legs,

Like it’s a bad thing

She asks me if I like being dirty

I respond with a yes

I like the feeling of the cracked dry dirt on my legs

Chipping off with time

I ended up taking a bath

And I felt like I had lost some of myself

I was too clean to be me

I guess, I’ll have to start again tomorrow

The Caged Bird

Waking up trapped

In a room all alone

Behind all the windows there is

Cold stone

That doesn't only contain me but my soul

I yell for help but no one even answers

Yet I hear people out there

I find a violin

I don’t even know how to play

But I know I must

It’s all I've got

At least it frees my mind

I now march to the beat of my own violin

I can control it

Don’t let your walls ever hold you back

There is more than one way to break them down

You’ll know when it’s right

When you find someone with the same beat

And they play it for you,

Outside your wall

Too bad you’ll never see him

But you can see his heart is true and made of gold

Yours is stone like your walls

You both play for each other

And just wish

Why were you born with walls?

Then you remember…

They protect you from everything

But they also hold everything good out too

It’s time they come down

But I've built them too strong

I'm trapped and it’s my fault!

Mistreated Millennials

What’s the point of living if I can’t be myself?

I'll be homeless and unhappy

And destructive

You'll continue to be sappy

You'll continue living your life complaining about everything

While I’ll keep my mouth shut because according to you, my problems don’t matter

Baby boomers being controlling yet again

Thinking I owe you when you made me into this bitter, broke, batter

I'm a millennial who lost hope

I'm seen as spoiled and lazy because I see that there’s no use

All I ask is that you don’t take the last thing I have to my ugly name

You get away with it and I'm so tired of the emotional abuse

I need to get old quick

So that I can take control of my life, my world, my planet, my states

I want to take care of this planet and make life better for future generations

You only cared about you; you’re going to go through Hell’s gates

I'm not going to have kids

Well at least not when you’re alive

You are more offensive than a confederate flag or a swastika

If you set eyes upon your gorgeous grandchildren they could break out in hives

I don’t want my offspring to have to see this society you’ve created

A world of tests and pressure

Setting us up against our own generation, giving us trust issues

I can’t wait for you to become extinct for a refresher

You won’t be able to barge in

Testing us to see just how much we can endure before we break at the bones

And when we break, you leave us alone to suffer with the deformities

When you hear our groans,

You convince yourself that we don’t have any problems that are worse,

Than yours

The millennial generation work themselves into insanity

While you insult us, pampered, careless, narcissistic, your words contaminate our pours

We are forced to wear those insults

We wear them like expensive designer clothes,

Because we don’t have any money

Baby boomers look for special millennials to overexpose