Refusing To Blossom

Underdogs

Hey now,

What happened to being proud of being an underdog?

What happened to wearing the pain like a badge of honor?

The only badge I’ll get to wear

Because I am not smart

I've just gotten really good at faking

And faking gets you nowhere

That’s why I'm now here,

In this damned place for public humiliation and I'm supposed to be grateful

Hey now,

Let’s bare our teeth

We make it by the skin of them

There's nothing quite like an artist’s pain,

The heart trying to leave the body through the throat

You know it’s bad when your own heart wants out

It rips itself from the chest

As if it were merely attacked with Velcro

Weak

Hey now,

We don’t play horribly safe

But risks and gambling are the only way we can live with ourselves

And we never fucking learn

Making the same mistakes

As if we were geniuses in our tattered shoes

We continue on living like we knew something else ought to happen

Fools is what we are

And we’re too damned stubborn to change our ways

Hey now,

Sometimes you get to taste the sea on your salty lips, 

And they can’t

This whole place is friggin rigged

Just deport me already

I know too much,

Of depression

Because I became so lonely

Without something, anything

Hey now,

Where are the others?

Now is our time to join

To stop the artists’ creative pain

And stupidity

Of thinking that writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing,

Is going to stop it

Like staying up late working overtime for free,

Is going to get you anywhere

Hey now,

There’s supposedly baseball stadiums full of you

Who stay home to avoid getting bullied

If adults think that your education is so important

Then why do they make you feel so bad?

Hypocrites!

Guys stay home,

The lessons they teach in school

Have only taught me to hate myself

Hey now,

Let’s not become our own bullies

Let’s just do something

Like raise hell

Gotta fuck up this world some more

Because apparently leaving without making a mark, isn’t good

But as underdogs

We are stuck wearing choke chains

And muzzles

Hey now,

Class E is a proud class

Full of assassins

Let’s be like them

Get disappointed

Then build yourself up

Don’t let brick walls stop you

Don’t let gravity get you down

And don’t let tornadoes twist and turn you into a hot mess

Hey now,

They don’t know our pain,

Of working hard for nothing But as underdogs we are the people that keep coming, we’re the people that live

They don’t know about the ghost

The ghost of good ‘ol Tom Joad 

A Meeting

There was no point in making me join my meeting

Because my thoughts were fleeting

Because I'm too fucking anxious to share my voice, please spare me from the madness

I couldn't even share a simple greeting You asked if I had any questions, comments, or if I have anything to say

And I do... but I guess anxiety doesn't want me to talk today

No, not even now

In this month of May The nurse isn't my cup of tea

And I feel that I am allowed no privacy,

This makes me very uncomfortable as a teenage girl and,

Details of my butthole are obviously my favorite topic for stranger to know about me The thing is, if I was dying,

If I was crying

I'd prefer to stay and sit in class rather than go anywhere else

I'm not lying She thinks I'm stable

And yet she's a mere stranger in my life and I probably still have proctitis on my table

I have so much on my plate it has overflowed

But I'll find a way to be able Having a bad stomach and anxiety make a perfect match that work

They are a dangerous loop that lurks,

In my background when I say that I'm okay

Yeah, I am a little jerk I'm still anxious and I don't sleep at night

Because my brain is playing back all the mistakes and times that I wasn't right

And how embarrassing it was, and how I will probably never live it down

And tomorrow will just be another blurred day of living in the fog of this mental, intestinal fight

Mornings

Tomorrow morning is going to be a rude awakening

I think sleepily

Like clockwork it's backbreaking

Soon dawn disturbs the night

My alarm clock boggles my eardrums forcefully out of my ears

I take my nasty spit damned retainers out to catch a breakfast bite

I command open my heavy eyes

From my eyes the sleep falls

And I ask myself, Why?

I make myself pretty

Daring to look at my reflection

Time to wing it and be witty

As I listen for a rhyme or reason

I get punched in the stomach because of the cheeky cold

Why must it be this season?

I click my frozen stiff seat belt into place

I zone out to the tune of the car motor

I put on my happy face

I walk into school

Feeling alone and judged

Dreaming a future where my poetry will rule

Shoulder ache

Shoulder ache

Stomach ache

I'm drowning in a lake

I am not

What you thought

And I never will be

Beautiful

In your world

And now you seem so fake

I'm going

Away now

Just to avoid the pain

Come

Back

Limited Old times

Not

All

Is always okay

Please just talk

I will gawk

Please let us be alone

I'm not great

Do not hate

I know I come on strong

I know that

I’m awkward

But I know I love you

I will dance

In a trance

If you give me a chance

I’m In For The Ride

I find it funny that

White roses tarnish with age

I'm scared my love

Will have wrinkles the next time I will meet

Will it be you or me at the welcome mat?

Maybe I will keep your coat hanger for my rage

Like Cinderella shoe, or someone’s glove

I keep your writing as a treat

I'm in need of a deep conversation

And I think you'd be perfection

I wonder your thoughts on bottling up fear

And using the pressure like a Coke and Mentos rocket

Blast off with irritation

And safety goggles for protection

We could talk about what we think of Shakespeare

And girls pockets

When it comes to talking

I just don’t know how or where to start

Maybe I'm in need of a brave summer vacation

I have don’t have many ideas though

I just have to keep a rolling and a rocking

I also have to learn how to part

With hesitation

Learn how to jump head first into something when people are saying no

I have to learn to not think, just do

Every time I go around I want to reach for the gold rings

And see everything I can see before I can’t see

I want to know that if I failed, at least I tried

I find it funny how we all do the same motions but are different each time we carry them through

How we change slowly and want and need different things

I'm scared and I want to break free to be me

Lets see where life will show me and take me to, I'm in for the ride

One Way Magic

I live in a world of unfinished poems

Sometimes I lose them

And it hurts

But I suppose there is a beauty in it

In the fact that it was created

Then went missing into the universe

Sometimes I forget that old ways

Can be the best ways

There is beauty in lost things

Beauty in destruction

How things are created

Then just cease to exist

Like a one way magic trick

Now you see it,

Now you don't

And you shall

Never see it

Again

But the universe will move on

And there will be more days

And more things will be created

Clay

Sometimes, if I like you

I'll let you mold a part of me or, thin out my walls

Sometimes, I feel young, energetic and naïve

But sometimes the weather forecast, forecasts colder weather

And I start to feel a little lethargic,

A little tired,

Maybe a little cracked

And trapped in this mold

Sometimes I grow harder, colder and more fragile

And sometimes my eyes seem to have a glazed coating

Because there are some tools out there

However tools don't get under my skin

If anything they get under my nails

I've got ribs and knives

So don't mess with me

Sometimes I'm as closed off as a clam,

With a secret,

Hidden pearl

Obviously I'm pretty imperfect

And I've become tired of finding a reason for

Being bent out of shape and having sharp edges

Edgy is my style

Because this is art

And anything ugly should not be held against the piece

And sometimes I have to let it go

Or just let it slip

Out of the grogginess of my tired head

Even if it leaves a shattered mess on the floor

Destruction is an art too

Like how angry painters have been known to throw paint at canvases

Fire me up

And I hope I won’t explode

With the unspoken air in my lungs

Questions

I hate this life

This life

Of other people trying

Trying to know everything about me

I don’t just get interrogated once, but twice too many times

I cant handle all these questions, questions, QUESTIONS!

That echo too loudly in my brain

Because I know that they will get analyzed,

In every way possible

Along with

All of my actions

I brought this upon myself

By answer one or two questions

Can you just let me

Make my own decisions and choices

Without having to be a part of it

I'm an adult now and yet

You still treat me like a baby,

That has no knowledge at all

And because of you I can't concentrate

On success

And that’s why you're being so difficult with me

Because you don’t want me to turn out

Like you

But you're making success harder

Than it really needs to be

And your sweet voice

Doesn’t help

It doesn’t make anything better

And you can't persuade me with it

And Then Goodbye

A journal

A coat hanger

And then goodbye

After six months its finally soaking into my thick skull like

Acid

Absent

Abstract metal and Boston cream doughnuts

Abandoned

Adding on to heartbreak

Awe inspiring were your

Analogies

Allergies

A notepad

A pen

A plan without me

A broken heart

An open heart

All the time

At night,

Alouette sings

Adieu, to you

Little Do You Know

Little do you know

That I still think you’re really cool

More than the status quo

When we talk my words are like tiny dancers

Trying to be graceful

With one worded answers

Little do you know, I do care

I still love you like a messy two year old running around in a diaper

With tangled hair

Little do you know I seesaw us like sisters

And when you're not around

It’s like I'm getting blisters

In me the two year old

Still wants to sit on your lap and leave with a French braid

You still have me sold

Little do you know that even though I am no longer two

And I cut my hair short

I'm secretly stuck like dried glue

Last time I saw you

You said that for a summer I had made you feel special

And I can’t believe that’s true

Because little did I know that I was nothing more

Than two

And was probably a bore

So before,

I become older than 18 just know that

I have a sensitive heart and nothing more