I Want To Let Go Of A Couple Of Things Like Of The Idea Of Being Anything Of Meeting The Expectations

Go and search your fly swatter In the end, I am just a fly trapped in your mind searching a window to freedom You closed every escape after luring me so carefully Let me fly into your self-made prison And walls Covered with paintings of love and security Just to wake up at night to try to escape from the fly swatter you hid in your walls You wanted to spray so much love Where is it, honey? Did you lost your words just as easy as I lost the sight of the truth?

Allow yourself  to heal Your life is not dedicated to  suffering and pain You are allowed  to feel delighted You are allowed to love to be loved to be loved by yourself

Show me your darkness You try to light up Let me dance with your shadows Instead of sunbathe in your light Tell me your secrets So I can fall in love With the person  you hate yourself the most for Let me exchange your idea of your ugliness With the beauty, there is behind

today I love you

tomorrow I hate you

next week we are forgotten

today you love me

tomorrow you miss me

next week we are forgotten

I am not ready to lose this Not ready to discover another time Another time without you I am not willing to give you up Not willing to give up love the love which felt so safe I am not prepared to let you go Not prepared to move on move on and exist on my own Exist on my own on my own my own alone

old cigarettes and bitter black coffee a taste of discontent on the tip of my tongue closing my eyes to enter a storm of endless thoughts, a dusty brain sometimes my body feels too heavy to carry so I lay down and just stay in a strangers bed for as long as I can get away with it old sheets and red-stained walls a strangers bed became my home

I am drowning in the ocean of time and space Lost myself in the gab of ending and beginning I will remain here sit and swallow my anxiety  shivering from the unpleasant unknown of what is coming next  I have to learn to swim

I am tired

of the numb feeling

of tiredness

which drugs

my mind

until I feel

nothing

So tell me

how can you

love someone

and don't care at all?

You placed your heart closely next to mine and I felt warm I felt whole I felt like my heart will never beat again if it isn't close to yours