Latest Posts by nixisverytired - Page 8

“Uhm, transandrophobia doesn’t exist! Androphobia isn’t real, lol!” “OMG aphobia doesn’t make sense, what, you’re saying I’m afraid of nothing?” “Exorsexism? What, are people being sexist to GHOSTS?”

You people are so fucking stupid.

I know it might be a lot to take in, but compound words often have new meanings where BOTH parts of the word are important! Imagine that!

The recent obsession with powerscaling forms of bigotry into a hierarchy is legitimately one of the worst things to ever happen in online queer activism discussion.

I want to address a pitfall I see some of the transmasc advocates fall into when attempting to defend transandrophobia.

Before I get into it, you're absolutely within your right to speak out about oppression and marginalization you face and define language to articulate how these things affect you, I am not criticizing these things when I speak on this.

But when I see the focus on transfems and trans women engaging in transandrophobic behavior, it sounds like the same gender essentialist arguments used against us. Even if you're rightfully criticizing someone for having extremely bigoted views, I don't think making it about their gender identity is helpful. Anyone can be harmful and pick up harmful mindsets. It just seems to make this cyclical argument of "no YOU'RE demonizing MY gender" when nobody's behavior should be reduced to what gender they identify as.

I know transandrophobes make it difficult for us to even communicate transandrophobic behavior by denying that it even exists, but we need to keep using it to solidify its place in vernacular and keep developing on it, making sure to stay away from gender essentialist and bio essentialist mindsets. Gender/bio essentialism is baked into our society, it's yet another internalized bias we need to unlearn. When we hold people accountable for their actions and harmful ideas they're spreading, we can't present that behavior as a result of their identity. It causes the same problems that we're trying to fight against and only weakens our platform.

I think there's discussion to be had when people use their identity as a shield from criticism, which should definitely be called out, but I can't see another justified reason to focus on someone's gender identity in relation to their bigotry.

I'm so tired....

I had to block 2 people on my post who saw "stop generalized transmasc experiences and dismissing our struggles" and respond to that with "stop acting like there's a secret cabal silencing transmascs" and "you don't think trans men can live meaningful lives as men". I don't even like blocking people but it's impossible to discuss with these conspiracy brained weirdos.

Sorry I'm trying to boost the voices of trans men who are suffering because I consistently see them shot down and the world is dangerous right now? Sorry I AM a trans man who's suffering and in constant fear? Sorry my lived experience doesn't align with your strawman but I'm unabashedly a man and my struggles are real and I won't let you dissect my identity into pieces to try to fit your narrative that the more a trans man identifies as a man the less oppression he faces. It's literally not true at all.

I AM living my life happily as a man, it was the first time I ever felt complete in my life when I was actively suicidal as a woman and thought I wouldn't live past 22. What a weird way to dismiss someone talking about their oppression. "You're struggling and communicating it so something can be done about it so you must not be happy with your identity". I'm very happy with my identity, I actually had hope for the future before all this transmasc hate but it's been wearing on me because uncriticized hate against a group of people lessens our quality of life and makes it more dangerous for us to live freely. The government's insistence to detransition me makes me unhappy, the mainstream uncriticized hatred of masculinity makes me unhappy, the insistence that other people know our struggles better than we do makes me unhappy.

I'm very happy being a trans man and I love the trans men in my life and I want them all to be happy, but I'm seeing us all struggle, so I'm speaking out about it.

Trans friends

This week I

1. Cried

2. Snapped at the wrong people

3. Doom scrolled

4. Stress ate

5. Been angry/scared/depressed/sad/confused

This week I have also

1. Hung out with my best friend

2. Made snacks with some adults and other teens in my community while we talked through our shared fears

3. Danced it out

4. Played with my baby siblings

5. Been hopeful/happy/joyful/embraced community

The next four years are going to be hard. There will be stress, and there will be fear, and there will be uncertainty. There will also be resilience, and community, and love. There will be a hundred thousand tomorrows to come where trans people will continue to exist in the face of everything the world throws at us.

You are not alone. None of us are alone. Reach out to your community, there is always someone who is willing to listen. Find your joy. Make your joy. Just be here, we’re all better off for it.

in the wake of genderqueerdykes transmisognistic post shall you not use it as an excuse to be anti good faith identities, or spreading the “transandrophobia truther” theory. Just because someone is a shit person doesn’t mean you get to be horrible back. and if you try arguing with me on this fuck off because i will block u.

a lot of stuff that is transandrophobic is really similar to butchphobia

do not forget this in your conversations about anti masculinity in queer spaces.

I'm never gonna get over the fact that in one conversation someone said "trans men are seen as deviant women" and then another person in the same conversation asked "why would trans men be the targets of misogyny? they're men!" It was so funny and fucking weird that I had to laugh and block everyone involved

no one is gonna convince me that anti-transmasculinity isn't a unique form of oppression worthy of a name. it describes a unique position under the patriarchy of being masculine with highly regulated reproductive organs. that means we're the only class of people who can be forced to detransition AND give birth. the fash can force cis women to give birth, they can force other trans people to detransition, but only transmascs can be forced into both.

anyone who comes in here to minimize my greatest fears gets blocked.

Maybe the community could start saying “how could I be an ally to trans men” instead of “how can I tell you you’re wrong about your own experiences “

Look, I just don't think anyone who has beef with people talking about their problems and coining a word to describe it (as words do) is worth the time of day.

“Trans men want to infiltrate women’s spaces”

Actually, no I really don’t. It’s actually super fucking unpleasant for me to have to enter spaces that are explicitly designated as being for “women”. Unfortunately, because even a lot of progressives refuse to recognize my existence, I as a person with a vagina, uterus and ovaries have no choice but to enter these spaces because they’re the only ones offering what I need. But let me assure you of this: I don’t enjoy being in “women’s spaces”. It’s honestly quite alienating and dysphoria inducing, and if I didn’t absolutely have to do it, I wouldn’t.

I love you trans men . You're not alone . We have community and connection and we can get through this time<3

Don't let the haters and transandrophobes get you down, you are valid, and loved, and your lived experiences should be recognized and respected

So much queer discourse is just "i like pancakes" "so you hate waffles?" Type shit

"I believe mspec lesbians are valid" "so you think lesbians just need good dick?"

"I believe trans men can identify as lesbians if they want" "so you think trans men are women?"

"I believe transandrophobia exists" "so you think transfems oppress transmascs?"

No bitch that's a whole new sentence wtf are you talking about

If you actually take the threat of forced detransition seriously, then you should recognize "Conservative transphobes don't want to kill transmascs, they just want to detransition them" for the callous and out-of-touch statement that it is.

"Ugh, you're actually lucky they don't want to kill you, they just want to permanently cut you off from gender-affirming care, rape you, trap you in marriage and pregnancy, and force you to live the rest of your life as their property."

Wow, I feel so blessed.

If you call someone a "transandrobro" for calling out bigotry, I'm going to turn your kneecaps into dust.

"a tiny fraction of transmascs are able to exploit the patriarchal system and in certain situations by going stealth they may benefit from material privileges" has become "all transmascs have male privilege and they do not experience misogyny and also they all hate trans women and they want to abuse us"

i think some of yall need to learn the warning signs of becoming a reactionary because this is some alarming shit

the worst part about the tma/tme binary is that even julia serano, the person who LITERALLY COINED THE WORD TRANSMISOGYNY, isnt entirely sure about using them. quote from her essay “What Is Transmisogyny?”:

“Part of why I’m writing this now is that I’ve seen the term increasingly debated online lately. These debates are often centered on the more recent terms TMA (transmisogyny affected) and TME (transmisogyny exempt), which I did not coin. I have no objections to TMA and TME per se — they seem like potentially useful non-binary- and non-identity-based ways of discussing the phenomenon. But I’m admittedly not familiar with everything that others are saying or claiming under this newer rubric, so there may potentially be some points of disagreement.”

and again, quote from her essay “On “Male Socialization” and the “Trans Masc Versus Trans Fem” Discourse™”:

“When I first saw the terms “transmisogyny affected” (TMA) and “transmisogyny exempt” (TME), I thought they were potentially useful nonbinary and non-identity-based ways of discussing the phenomenon. But sometimes, they seem to be used in response to the trans male/masculine reactions to transmisogyny that I described in the previous paragraph. And if you mistakenly presume that “transmisogyny” = “only trans female/feminine people experience misogyny,” then “transmisogyny exempt” will likely strike you as a doubling down on argument #2.”

(argument #2 was referring to an earlier point she made, arguing against cultural feminism (the idea that woman=good and man=bad) and how it implies (another quote, same article): 

Trans male/masculine people are the victims of male oppression…Which, if true, implies that trans female/feminine people are “male oppressors.”

Trans female/feminine people are the victims of male oppression…Which, if true, implies that trans male/masculine people are “male oppressors.”

All trans people have been corrupted/poisoned by maleness/masculinity in one way or another, which, if true, means that we should all be lumped into the “male oppressor” category.)

.

So. Y’all.

These posts about how trans men’s fears about being treated like breeding stock with forced pregnancy and breastfeeding is aCtuAlLy privilege because trans women can’t give birth? And if trans men talk about ‘throwing away’ the ability to make babies it’s really just trans men ‘rubbing’ having this particular set of reproductive organs in trans women’s faces?

I need you to take several fucking seats and even more fucking minutes to reevaluate yourselves.

1: Forced pregnancy is not a fucking privilege and, for some of us, could be debilitating or a potential death sentence.

I’m a disabled trans man and due to some medical issues, I’ve been told since I was a pre-teen that I cannot ever have a ‘natural’ birth. It would destroy my already fucked up body and put me back into a wheelchair and through several more surgeries, all of which are ill advised because, and this brings us to another issue…

“JuSt hAvE a C-seCtiOn.”

Well bozos, being allergic to a wealth of medications including ANESTHETIC DRUGS kind of makes that super dangerous for me. I’ve had a total of three major surgeries in my life and each one resulted in complications because of the anesthesia, and my surgeons all said ‘avoid needing surgery if you can’. Even localized anesthetic is out. (Which is why I’m also one of those non-passing trans men y’all love to claim doesn’t exist! Try getting a doctor to sign off on top surgery when you’re a known liability! Oh yes, that must be part of my mythical male privilege too!)

I’m not the only trans man in the world with medical issues that make pregnancy dangerous. So check your ignorance and your ableism. And none of this even takes the most basic issue into account.

2: Let’s call ‘forced pregnancy’ what it really is. It’s rape. Some of you are expecting us to accept rape as a ‘privilege’. Some of you are even cheering for it.

If I have to explain why that’s a problem? Yeah, no, I’m not wasting my time at that point on you.

I apologize if this comes off as hostile or combative, tone isn't my strong suit, especially over text.

I'm not saying there aren't some incredibly transandrophobic trans women on tumblr- we wouldn't be having this discourse issue if there weren't.

And I'm sorry that you experienced that on discord. I had something similar happen on a server I was in, and I ended up having to leave as well. Anyone who runs a server has a responsibility to prevent bullying and bigotry against its members, and the owner of that server should be ashamed for letting things get that bad and excluding other trans people like that.

However, I strongly believe that we shouldn't try to argue for the existence of a trend or correlation between certain username themes/kinks and being transandrophobic.

These usernames and kinks are just popular with trans women in general. Many of the worst transandrophobic bloggers are trans women. Therefore there will be transandrophobic bloggers with those usernames and those kinks.

I worry that attempting to draw parallels here could do more harm than good, and make people wary of unrelated parties.

Not trying to discount your experience here! And I promise I don't think you're saying this is a 100% correct identifier for transandrophobes or anything like that, I don't want to take your post in bad faith. I just think we should be cautious, that's all.

what are the trends? what are the username trends for transandrophobic posters? any specifics?

Typically [animal][girl][slang term for penis]

(Mandatory disclaimer for those lacking reading comprehension - As implied with the term "trend," this is not 100% an identifyer for transandrophobic trans women.)

PLEASE stop platforming assholes!

And yes, this includes screenshots with the name cropped out!

I'm not trying to call anyone out here, or vague about fellow transmasc-friendly posters, but I really do think this is a huge problem in tumblr discourse in general.

I know, there are people being awful to trans men on tumblr, and transandrophobia is a huge fucking problem on this site. I can think of a handful of blogs who are the worst offenders- I'm sure anyone who's been on here longer than a week knows their names.

But they feed off of this attention! When you reblog their posts to argue with them, or screenshot their takes, you're just spreading their influence around. They're not going to change, they're not going to stop being cruel or transphobic, and arguing with them will only make you feel worse and give them more ammo to use against you.

Not to mention, if somebody has these blogs blocked, and you post untagged screenshots of their shit, you're making people see them whether they like it or not! Somebody who blocked a bigot so they didn't have to deal with their rancid-ass takes shouldn't have to see them screenshotted on 12 different trans-friendly blogs.

Focus more on uplifting the voices of trans men and transmascs than engaging with bullies!

I don't mean any offense here, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to call this a trend? Like, 90% of my IRL friend group is transfem furries. "[Animal][Girl][Cock]" is not a discourse thing, it's a furry tgirl thing. I've seen plenty of people with usernames that follow this theme who are perfectly lovely people- more than I've seen discourse blogs that follow the theme.

I think a lot of the discourse assholes just also happen to be transfem furries. There's no strong correlation, and it's not causation. Just coincidence.

what are the trends? what are the username trends for transandrophobic posters? any specifics?

Typically [animal][girl][slang term for penis]

(Mandatory disclaimer for those lacking reading comprehension - As implied with the term "trend," this is not 100% an identifyer for transandrophobic trans women.)

This satire article resonated with me so much

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!

Begging people to stop conceptualizing transmasc invisibility as "Bigots forget we exist so we don't get targeted. We are granted safety in anonymity" and instead as "When we're specifically targeted by bigots and systems of oppression, non-transmascs respond by making a different group (usually cis) the focus of discussion, our history is erased or attributed to cis women, and our experiences with masculinity are flattened to be indistinguishible from cis men in an ill-informed attempt at affirmation."

I really am coming to hate the way performative horniness is used to signifiy support, especially for trans people.

"OMG I LOVE TRANS WOMEN I JUST GO FERAL FOR THEM STEP ON ME MOMMY"

Okay, cool, so you'll be there on your knees begging the trans woman to be your perfect sexual goddess, but will you be sitting on the couch and be normal when she wants to rant about her shitty day at work or if she just wants to order takeout and watch Netflix?

"I LOVE MEN WITH PUSSIES GIVE ME SCUBA GEAR CAUSE ILL BE GOING DOWN ON HIM FOR HOURS"

Great, so you want get all up in the trans man's pussy with the presumption he'll be your submissive bottom, but where are you going to be when he has a breakdown after a 3-hour call with insurance or he says he'd rather just spend time working on a 1000-piece puzzle?

A lot of monogamous people are weirdly obsessed with treating polyamory as uniquely loveless and insincere, as if a huge chunk of monogamous people aren't utterly miserable having even one partner.

trans women + transfeminine people largely and overwhelmingly accept and love trans men + transmasculine people. btw. I know sometimes the internet might seem the opposite way, but it isn’t. There are far more trans women + transfems who see trans men + transmasculine people as siblings sharing in the same fight than there are trans women + transfems who do not feel kinship or solidarity with transmasculine people. I promise. There are transfems + trans women you’ll come to know who care a lot about transmasculine people and the oppression they deal with, and have suffered for extending that care to their siblings. I just really think it’s important to remind everyone that the loud minority here is just that — a loud minority.

Transmascs + men — trans women are your sisters and they love you and want you here. Do not let anyone convince you that’s not true. There are transfems + trans women affected by antitransmasculinity who see it and care. You’re not alone. If anyone tries to convince you that you are, they don’t have your best interest at heart. We are not alone. This goes to transfems + trans women being told “we’re the only people you are safe with”. People who care about your safety want you to know there are many places you can go to find safety. They want to inspire hope and change not hopelessness and paranoia and isolation.

Anyways, happy new year. Big bear hugs.

Some advice on learning how to notice transmisogyny.

⚧️ Posts that imply that certain negative behaviors are unique to trans women. For example, claiming that trans women are uniquely transandrophobic (even though transandrophobia can be found in every community)

⚧️ Posts that imply that trans women are uniquely dangerous. For example, claiming that trans women get away with sexual assault because people are afraid to call her out for it

⚧️ Posts that treat trans women as a monolith. For example, implying that all trans women grew up on 4chan, or that all trans women treat trans men a certain way

⚧️ Posts that vaguely imply that a trans woman has done something evil. These posts will use word of mouth as "concrete" evidence for their claims, relying on the reader to jump to a transmisogynistic conclusion

yeah I mean I don't think I can add much more to this, just, use critical thinking and engage in being nuance pilled whenever you see takes online