So. Y’all.

So much queer discourse is just "i like pancakes" "so you hate waffles?" Type shit

"I believe mspec lesbians are valid" "so you think lesbians just need good dick?"

"I believe trans men can identify as lesbians if they want" "so you think trans men are women?"

"I believe transandrophobia exists" "so you think transfems oppress transmascs?"

No bitch that's a whole new sentence wtf are you talking about

Oh definitely. I've found that most online bullies are much less confident when they can't hide behind a screen, but some will continue their assholery in public. I'm genuinely so sorry that happened to you, that's fucked up.

I've met people who were proudly transmeds in the "Queer Friendly" dorms I stayed in in college. Had a guy tell me I was "just confused about my gender" to my face.

I've personally had an easier time rallying support in real life. Talking to other club members one-on-one and saying "hey, so-and-so made some really transphobic comments that upset me today, did you notice that happening?" usually worked. Sometimes calling out the behavior in front of everyone helped as well; chances are other people were upset by it but too afraid to speak up.

And if all that didn't fix it? The space wasn't worth it, and it was time to find a new one.

Can we take a moment to think about the younger trans men and mascs on tumblr right now?

I was a teenager when ace and transmed discourses were at their peaks, and I can’t exaggerate how badly it affected me then.

Now trans men are the latest target, and I’m terrified for trans kids.

It’s easy to say “intracommunity discourse is an online problem! Go talk to queer people irl!”, but people forget that so many kids and teenagers do not have safe or reliable access to IRL LGBT+ communities and support groups. For many, online spaces are the only option.

We need to make sure the younger members of our community are being heard, and block out the hateful voices with messages of support and encouragement. Things are bad enough for trans people right now, and it's easy to forget that trans minors are often the ones suffering the most.

To any younger trans men or transmasculine people reading this:

The hate you are experiencing isn’t normal, it hasn’t always been like this, and it won’t always be this way. It is bleeding out from a small, miserable group of self-absorbed jerks.

Don’t feel obligated to call them out, don’t feel like you have to interact with these people. Please don’t doomscroll through discourse tags; it will make you feel like everyone is out to get you.

If you want to speak up for your community, that’s fine, but please take a break if you feel like your mental health is worsening. Block anybody who so much as breathes rudely in your direction.

You’re just as trans as the rest of us. You are welcome here.

Oh, and if you want to seek out external resources and groups, PFLAG helped me a lot when I was younger. It is an American-based organization, however, so if anyone has recommendations for those living outside of the US, please let me know in the reblogs!

i cannot believe that in 2025

there are people on bluesky who proudly put on their profiles being "baeddel" like, that shit didn't work here in the 2010s tumblr (where it originated), so why the fuck are you trying to make it come back, lmao

actually i wouldn't be surprised if this-certain-group of trans ppl on bluesky are actually all baeddels but just not saying it out loud.

seeing them all still talking about "cissexual" privilege when refering to other TRANS ppl, the classic "you are trans but NOT REALLY trans like me", im just gonna say, be careful with this kind of thinking.

for context:

Medium

Let’s Talk About Bæddels

A comperehensive retrospective on Tumblr’s movement to make gender essentialism “trans-friendly”.

no, being "baeddel" is not good AT ALL. please, don't let anyone tell you otherwise bc, holy fuck, just read the whole thing and be wary. it's pretty much TERF rethoric, only trans version (also known as TIRF), lmao

i found out about this whole "baeddel" around the end of last year, and it was like "woah what the fuck??????" i had no idea this kind of shit happened. please, read it in full 😩😩

(edit: an updated version of this article is also here on tumblr!!)

nothorses.tumblr.com

Let's Talk About Baeddels.

An (updated) retrospective on Tumblr's movement to make gender essentialism trans-friendly. This post contains excepts from a longer article

Idk what trans man needs to hear this but you're NOT evil or disgusting for being a man. You do NOT have to suffer for the sins of the patriarchy committed by cis dudes. Being a man doesn't invalidate the misogyny you experienced growing up or experience now. Being a man doesn't mean you deserve to be isolated. Being a man doesn't mean you're inherently predatory or scary. You didn't "choose" this, and finding your true self is NOT "betraying the community" because you happen to be a man and/or masculine rather than a woman and/or feminine. You ARE allowed to be upset when people "affirm" your gender by malgendering you.

You DO deserve a community that uplifts you. You DO deserve to experience trans joy. You DO deserve to have your voices heard and your struggles recognized. Wanting the bare minimum of solidarity is NOT "making everything about trans men".

“Why are you so upset about adult content bans? You don’t even post that stuff. can’t you just look at porn somewhere else?”

Well, you see, I have this small problem where my very existence is considered adult content by a small but very powerful group of people and I actually rather enjoy being able to exist in public without restriction so uhhhh put that in your bong and smoke it kiddo.

I apologize if this comes off as hostile or combative, tone isn't my strong suit, especially over text.

I'm not saying there aren't some incredibly transandrophobic trans women on tumblr- we wouldn't be having this discourse issue if there weren't.

And I'm sorry that you experienced that on discord. I had something similar happen on a server I was in, and I ended up having to leave as well. Anyone who runs a server has a responsibility to prevent bullying and bigotry against its members, and the owner of that server should be ashamed for letting things get that bad and excluding other trans people like that.

However, I strongly believe that we shouldn't try to argue for the existence of a trend or correlation between certain username themes/kinks and being transandrophobic.

These usernames and kinks are just popular with trans women in general. Many of the worst transandrophobic bloggers are trans women. Therefore there will be transandrophobic bloggers with those usernames and those kinks.

I worry that attempting to draw parallels here could do more harm than good, and make people wary of unrelated parties.

Not trying to discount your experience here! And I promise I don't think you're saying this is a 100% correct identifier for transandrophobes or anything like that, I don't want to take your post in bad faith. I just think we should be cautious, that's all.

what are the trends? what are the username trends for transandrophobic posters? any specifics?

Typically [animal][girl][slang term for penis]

(Mandatory disclaimer for those lacking reading comprehension - As implied with the term "trend," this is not 100% an identifyer for transandrophobic trans women.)

This is obviously a strawman, but it feels like the original poster is also making a really dangerous argument here.

No, having a bad experience does not mean you can be bigoted towards a marginalized community. It does not give you a free pass to use slurs, or claim an entire group of people is evil.

I was abused by a cis queer woman. That doesn't mean I can post "I hate all women especially cis queer women", because that would be fucked up, misogynistic, and queerphobic! It doesn't matter that I included "cis" in that statement, because it is still targeting a marginalized community.

Too many people on here think being trans or a victim of abuse gives them a free pass to be as bigoted as they want, as long as their target is a trans man or a "theyfab."

ill take 'things that never happened' for $500 please

Does anyone wish we could talk about the real impacts of transandrophobia and anti-transmasculinity without having to constantly get into dumbass discourse?

Like whenever I make a post about the things we face I get vulnerable anecdotes from people sharing their pain at the hands of these forms of bigotry in my notes but these discussions always get overshadowed by the discourse

I can't help but think it's intentional, that people don't want us sharing our pain, speaking up for ourselves, shedding light on what we experience, finding community with each other and knowing the people we speak to are safe, people who won't deny our experiences and treat us with compassion, people who won't ostracize us the moment our bodies or demeanor become "too masculine" for their comfort, who won't try to force us to diminish our happiness with our identity.

They don't want us to be, period

I will never stop saying the furry fandom is intersexist until they remove the slurs for us (herm & futa) from their art sites, and stop stereotyping us and actively spreading the idea ambiguous genitalia = both genitalia.

- A very tired intersex furry